from a letter 1

In my little outing to school, I'd braced for the worst, but never anticipated the best would happen. I went in thinking that almost no one would notice my reentry into the building, and that I would visit my goldfish, who would have missed me dearly while another teacher was taking care of them, and then I would do some work and go home. Here how it really happened:
I went in, said my Konnichiwa!, and was instantly greeted by two teachers with broad smiles. It was all 'Oh, so how was America? Your face looks tanned! Did you get to see your family?' and so on. Then, I was introduced to two new teachers, who had arrived since my absence. The teacher whose desk is next to mine came in, happily showed me pictures of her summer fun and her cute dog, and then gave me one cucumber of three she had brought, and I quote, for 'cutting practice.'

Whew! What a relief!
I'll start a normal work day from 9-5(if I want--actually, I'm still technically on vacation til the 4th, so there's some flexibility still) tomorrow.

from a letter 2

I wish I had a little more energy so I could write a full letter. But it got late and I've gotten very tired. Tonight was an orchestra practice, the first one I went to since I came back. It also went better than I expected. More on that.
The not great news is that I found eensy-weensy bugs in my tatamis after work today. So I have to do major vacuuming and airing every day. I might have to do some bomb or something, which I detest for many reason. Waa!!
Also, school today started with a 2-hour meeting in which I sat, basically clueless. So I just listened and wrote down all the Japanese words I could understand but didn't know the meaning of. I'll look them up later. Helps me even though the meetings go on and on. I actually got excused early; I think it went on for another hour...

Higher Ground

Well, it's time to go back. To school, that is. There's a small part of me that is looking forward to it. I shall focus on that part as I enter the teacher's room and shout out, "Konnichiwa" for all to hear.
There is another part of me that is still dazed that I'm back. It's not jet-lag either. More like having left so much behind that I'm trying to remember what it was that I was doing here before I left. I guess, in these times, I just gotta keep on going.

First Saturday Airing

It's still morning and I'm already sweating. My apartment definitely has a funny smell. I think it's mildew in the tatami mats, of which there are maybe twenty or so. When I came in two days ago, my landlady was 'airing' the place out. If she hadn't been doing that all month, I think there'd be green mildew all over the mats by now. I've got the windows open as we speak for some airing, before the weather climbs over into 'toasty hot.'

The heat is a real burden for me, even after a lot of training in it before I left. I wonder if what I learned about it so far is to just bear it, and let it bother me minimally. Coming back, though, it's obvious that it's much hotter than Philly or CO. I'm going to shut myself in my room right now, turn on the air-con, and not go out unless I have to. 'Have to' meaning, for example, if someone knocks on the door... hang on...

Ha, ha. :-) Japanese Jehovah's Witnesses at my very own doorstep. Helps to not know Japanese at times like these, chuckle, chuckle.

These first couple days back have clarified some things for me already. Of which kind of climate I prefer: much drier and cooler than here. Of what I haven't been able to do: make many Japanese friends(my 3 closest non-Japanese friends, who all happened to be in Japan on the JET program, all returned to the U.S. this summer). Of something I missed about being in Japan: it's so quiet I can sometimes hear my 'inner voice' again already. And of a hard lesson: it takes a lot of work to make a life in a foreign country. That I have a small network of Aikido and orchestra and other friends here has taken my full effort for two years. I don't envy people who can't return to their own countries. It's much easier to know I have the safety net that is 'home'...

One more year, please.

I'm back to spend year 28 in Japan.

One day back in. I'm jet-lagging as we speak. The only plan today was to train at the dojo, but I fell asleep from about 3pm until 9pm, so I slept right through class. Which explains why I'm awake now at 2:30am.

It's hot and humid, 35 degrees celsius today(bonus: what is that in Fahrenheit?). And the mosquitos are still here, even though I'd asked them to be gone by the time I got back. My garden is overgrown with weeds, and it poured and thunderstormed loudly this afternoon.

Breakfast at Hiro's was rice, miso soup, and okra and goya sliced up with bonito flakes and soy sauce on top. Mmm...
I was treated to lunch by Etsuko, at a traditional restaurant that specialized in *unagi*(cue fingers pointing at head and grimaces by friends). Japanese food sure pleases my palette. I'm a convert. I could eat only Japanese food for the rest of my life. I'd even give up pizza and peanut butter. I didn't eat dinner, because I slept right through dinner time, and when I woke up, I wasn't hungry.

I'm going to lie down now, and maybe I'll sleep too.
Good to be back, more to come.

P.S. It's so quiet here.

Almost Back

It has been next to impossible for me to keep up writing during my trip home. There have been few moments of breathing time, and every time there are, thoughts flood my mind like a waterfall.

And so it follows that I have run out of time to write at this very moment.

When I'm back in Japan on Tuesday, I anticipate it will be back to lots of blogging.

See you soon...

Uh, me?

I sure feel a lot of things shifting, inside and out, inside-out, and upside-down and round and round. In fact, so much is spinning in my mind and world that I don't have much time to reflect lately. Here's my best attempt:

Aikido camp has left me exhausted, but in a good way. In my attempts to be continually pleasant and present, I have a pretty clear memory of the entire week. I took notes after classes as much as possible, on key points I picked up or wanted to look at for further study. I was surprised that many of the things I have been thinking about/working on in Japan were relevant in some way in the training I did here. That is, bonding with my partner and producing a 'zero-sum' outcome(or being 'undetectable,' as someone else put it) from the start of the encounter. I did a lot of thinking about the movement of celestial bodies, galaxies, satellites, and also natural laws and nature on our planet. A lot of the movement I've witnessed and felt in Aikido training can be seen equivalently in the larger macro or smaller micro worlds around. I want to study this particular aspect much more.

On the mat and off the mat, the living connections I could share with other people made me wish I could stay at camp forever. (I want to mention a very great dinner I had smack in the middle of things there with my cousin, while I'm thinking of it.) I ended up spending a lot of my time there with one friend in particular. I neither fought this tendency to give a disproportionate amount of time to one person, nor embraced it to the extent of missing chances to relate to other people. But I was consistently put at ease while in my friend's presence, and felt awakened and happy under my friend's influence. I'll point out that my friend is a man, which must have got everyone wondering about why we could be seen together so frequently when everyone knows I have a boyfriend. I have given this thought. My boyfriend is important to me, and the promise that I have with him was not violated in any of the interactions I had this week. That's all I'll say about that.

Just a couple more things. I got some major overhaul done on my violin, which turned out to be a good little chunk to spend on a musical instrument(at least on my budget ;) ). The neck was removed, reangled, and repositioned into the body, and some length was added to it. That was the major thing. The bridge was also switched out, and the chinrest adjusted. Finally, I got to try four different kinds of strings on it, and found that one speaks much more perfectly for the instrument than the others. I have to seek out these uber strings, and swear by them when I become world famous. (Just kidding--I will never be world famous for my violin playing. And that's an understatement.) And by gosh, it does sound like a whole new instrument when I run the bow across it. I would never have guessed it was the same instrument I took to the shop last week.

Finally, I'd like to say that being back in Boulder is actually my dream come true. Last night, despite my violin's recent exit from surgery and my own rustiness, a group of more-senior-than-I musicians urged me to join them for an evening of playing Haydn, Beethoven, and Mendelssohn quintets.
My home base, at my Colorado mother's place, is a very nice neutral zone from which to begin endeavors here. (By the way, and I hope she won't get mad at me, but she and her husband just celebrated their 33rd year together and I am in awe of their commitment, and the loveliness it carries. [And I'm wishing you the best out there, and thanks.])
Anyway, I got a chance to visit the old stomping ground, a.k.a., the bookstore I used to work for, and I was showered with love, well-wishes, and smiles; so I bought $50 worth of books.
Sheesh, am I bordering the edge of annoyingness when I say that I even enjoyed seeing my dentist and getting a good cleaning? I think so. I'll stop now.

Underlying everything is my knowing that I'll be back in Japan in less than 3 weeks, probably struggling to create lesson plans which I don't know how to teach effectively, more struggle with communication, isolation and almost no friends to talk with and relate to, and it will all have been too good to be true.

Good food, adventure around every corner, and a loving boyfriend. I suppose on either end, everything will be just fine.

(If the above had an arrogant air about it, I want to say that I didn't mean it in that way really at all. A lot of things are happening in me, to me, and around me, so it's logical that the me's start to add up.)

Best to you all out there.