Feeling the fear--walking right through

I started a new project since returning to Japan in late August. I'll call it the 'Friends Project.' As humanitarian as this title sounds, it is actually a selfish project, ha ha. Based on a decision I made in July to expand my network, I've decided to make a boatload of Japanese friends this year*.

Until this point, the number of Japanese friends I have made who are say, from 25-35, has been limited. When I came here over three years ago, I didn't know anyone, not one soul who lived on the whole island of Kyushu. So my contacts were the people I worked with, and the foreign English teachers, a.k.a, the ALTs(Assistant Language Teachers).

Etsuko came to visit the new ALT in Arao(me) two months after I arrived, and she became my first friend here. Yesterday, we had lunch at a little cafe in OOOmuta. She's nearly the same age as my mother, and as dear as a mother to me.

It was also after two months that Hiro and I met, and began a five-month friendship that would become a wonderful two and a half year relationship.

And then, I stopped making Japanese friends.

This basically means that I had lots of acquaintances(and sadly, so many people who wanted to be friends basically so they could practice their English) but actual friends, who I went out with, enjoyed life with, had over my house to watch videos and laugh with--those seemed to be limited to members of the foreign community.


So I've decided to reverse this, step out from within my private shell to embrace a new network of friends who have been just out of my reach: Japanese my own age.

Here's some recent progress:

The first girl, Maki, went to lengths to meet me. Her sister is a student in one of my classes, and she really wanted to get to know me. So she wrote a letter and had her sister hand-deliver it to me, asking me when we could meet. I phoned her and we had dinner, and it was great. She's a really smart, cute, hip girl and you would probably like her too.

Messiah was next. That's his real name. Met him at a drinking/eating place called an izakaya. He walked in wearing these big Paris Hilton-type sunglasses, followed by an intimidating-looking posse, we hit it off, and next thing you know, he's called to tell me how glad he was to have met a new friend! He's so hilarious too--he works for a natto company, you know, those sticky, smelly fermented soy beans we all love, only he hates natto!

Ike(pronouced 'ee-kay'), is all about fighting arts. I met him in the beginning of September when he came to try out an Aikido class. At the end of class, I felt the fear and walked through it to go up and talk to him. He gave me his card and told me to come out with him and the Aikido teacher on Thursday night. I think he was surprised I actually said okay!! He lives really close to me, so he's been coming over to my house and raiding my fridge!! He and Maki were the first Japanese my own age after Hiro to come over to my house. We watched 'Rocky.' It was Maki's second time. Ike said it was probably his twentieth.

And so, onward from here. I promise to love my new friends and to take care of them and nurture our friendship to the best of my ability. In return, all I want is to be able to call them when I want, to be open whenever they call me, to see them once in a while, and to keep progressing to deeper levels in our friendships. It dawned on me that everybody wants something, and that if I pay close enough attention, I might be able to help them fulfill their needs. I started keeping a little book to keep track of these dreams of my friends, so if I ever have the chance to help them reach them, I will. The book is not limited to the dreams my Japanese friends, though!!!

By the way, I know I just wrote a post saying I couldn't write long posts, and this post is a complete contradiction to that earlier one. I pulled some frozen veggies from the freezer, wrapped them in a cotton bag, and have written this entire post with my laptop cooling off while my legs slowly freeze. Anyway, I can't believe it actually worked.

Have I told you about Joe? Jeez, I gotta tell you about him. (It's Joe-->)



*this means people who I've shared contact info with, feel free to call or make plans with as I like, and who I am open to receiving calls from and supporting in times of need. A 'boatload' means 'less than a shipload, but more that a canoe can hold'

I'm here, I'm here, I'm here!! I have lots of stuff to post, but my computer has been no help! I have to get it fixed before I can do much of anything. I'm told the fan's busted so it's been crashing after a few minutes, every since I came back in late August. Found a mac shop, just have to get it sent off now...

Thank you for your notes asking me when I was going to start writing again. I've sat down so many times and started!!

This month started with a demo with the Aishinkan group on July 1st. Sakabe Sensei put the whole thing on by himself, so it was a pretty amazing experience to be a part of. The Shoheijuku Aikikai school's demo in Fukuoka was much larger, but I enjoyed participating in this one just as much if not more. I had a lot of freedom in my own personal demo, and there were a lot of different kinds of demos to participate in. Sensei's speech at the end was interesting too. He talked about the fundamentals and some of the more universal aspects of Aikido. I wish I could somehow show you some of the video... big project, "learn to use computer." (By the way, my name was listed in the program (4x!) like this: トーレン　ジュリー. cool, huh?)

Hey, also, there was that awful typhoon that came here Saturday. I had language class in the city that morning before it came. (By the way, I passed the practice Japanese Proficiency Test in class!!) When I got back, the wind was already starting to blow things around, so I shut myself up in the house for the rest of the day. There was almost no rain or storming, so it really wasn't all that bad. But I imagine it must have been terrible up in the Tokyo area when it finally took on its full force.

I'm gonna post this now even though it's not done. Experiencing technical difficulties--computer cut out three times now. first time that's ever happened, cutting out, I mean.

Guess this will have to wait a little longer...

If you throw yourself a rope, who is pulling whom?

I had really wanted to go to practice tonight in the city, but I feel terrible. To clarify, there's nothing wrong with me physically. I had wanted to go, I'd had enough time to get there, but I just couldn't bring myself to get in the car and go somehow. The same thing happened last Friday, which makes me feel worse. Friday's Aikido class is really the only day we have enough time to break things down and work on forms and other things slowly, as well as goof around and have fun with each other after class. I feel so sad that I am sitting here now and not over there. What a sucky sort of thing to say, that I'd rather be somewhere other than where I am. Can we ever find happiness by saying such things?

And what am I doing instead of being there? Nothing. I've just been sitting on my bed, staring at nothing. I decided to go to sleep at 7pm. If I had left then, I could've done class. But I went to sleep and woke up groggy and tired. It reeks of depression. I find this embarrasing to write about, especially because I feel I could have prevented it. I've been feeling occasionally understimulated and sad since my friend left a week and a half ago and my family left about 3 weeks ago. (The two packages of crackers and juice for dinner certainly didn't help my mood either, but...) Somehow, I didn't move fast or skilfully enough tonight, and I let my feelings of apathy overtake the power of action. If I had caught on to what was happening sooner I'd have forced myself out of the house and I would've probably been fine.

So, the only thing I could think to do that I thought would help was to write all this down here. And somehow, it does seem to be making me feel better. I think I'll do something to take care of myself now, go for a walk or go get some different food. I suppose I just needed a little perspective. Situations such as these, where I need a rope, are becoming rarer. Maybe if I save up all those ropes I'll have one to throw in case someone else needs one. Maybe Regis will call me.


By the way, I have a few days left to finish up '30 days early,' and I want to be sure to do that properly.
I'll begin again on Monday, and finish up June with minutes to spare!!

Money For Nothing

Interesting development: I went to check out another Aikido teacher. Seeing as I'm so contented under the guidance of Sakabe Sensei, you might wonder why I would wander off to have a lesson under a different teacher.

Well, even within Aikido, just like so much else, there are politics. Since the founder Ueshiba O'Sensei died some 38 years ago, what we know as 'Aikido' today is mainly the Aikido that was spread and developed 'for the masses' by O'Sensei's son. As well, there were other teachers, such as Sunadomari Sensei, who created his own schools of practice, even before Ueshiba O'Sensei's son had made these developments. Sunadomari Sensei is known as a 'prewar' student, one who studied with the founder primarily before World War II. When I saw Sakabe Sensei's class for the first time, it looked different from the Aikido I had seen before, and this explains why.

The politics extend further--Sunadomari Sensei is Sakabe Sensei's teacher, and Sunadomari Sensei is the head of the Honbu(headquarters) dojo in Kumamoto City. It's the largest dojo under this school, the Aiki Manseido Aikido schools. Some time ago, however, Sunadomari Sensei decided to call his style 'Manseido,' or some variation of that which did not include the term Aikido. He told his students that this new art was not to be called 'Aikido' anymore, and that if they wanted to call what they were doing 'Aikido' they would have to go off and form their own group.

So that's what Sakabe Sensei did, ten years ago. He broke off, formed his own group called Aishinkan Aikido, and gathered a following. Then, after a few years had passed, for reasons unknown, Sunadomari Sensei changed the name again to 'Aiki Manseido Aikido,' and began to call the art 'Aikido' again. Sakabe Sensei, I gather, didn't know what to do, so he remained separate, and continued the Aishinkan schools he had started. And here we are today.

But after the demonstration last month in Kumamoto City put on by the Manseido schools, I got a phone call from a man named Honda, a 7th dan teacher at the Honbu dojo telling me that he was starting a class in Tamana. He asked me if I wanted to join, not knowing that I was already training at Aishinkan, so it was a hard call for me. I had to consult my 'inner resources' to reach the conclusion to go and try it out.

When I did go, two weeks ago, I had a fine time; nothing particularly mind-blowing or different from Furu-san's Tuesday night beginner's class. Therefore, I figured my best bet would be to ask Sakabe Sensei if it would be all right to go to Honbu dojo itself so I could learn more about Manseido and, therefore, also Aishinkan. Luckily, and with the help of my good friend translating, I did get that permission.

Here's the money: I got a call from Honda Sensei again tonight. Because his class is full of beginners and there is no one advanced enough to take falls or execute throws, he asked me if I would come back to help him. He wants me to be his uke, his assistant in the demonstrations, and in exchange, he's offered me membership into the Aiki Manseido Aikido schools for free. That's serious money for nothing. Having received the OK from Sakabe Sensei to do as I please, I said yes to Honda Sensei, and begin my 'uke-ship' on Wednesday. It's feels like a break for me--I'm kind of excited already. I'm sure I'll learn a lot too.

BTW, I know I really like talking about the Aikido stuff, but there are a couple of other things I want to share. I wanted Linda to know that I'm thinking of her and sending my love, and thanks to Susan for giving me a square kick in the behind, love to Dad on this day after Father's Day, and thanks again to my friend J who helped me so much when he was here. I'm really glad you could make it finally again, even under the circumstances. (And blu, please start blogging again!)

Very, very sorrying now but, good night. :-)

The End of Act Three

Highly moved by requests received in the long time since we have met here, I'd like to open a new page on the journey into the face of Japan, currently, and in my life. Thank you for being patient while I was silent, and also for reminding me that whether I'm aware of it or not, this writing has significance in people's lives.

When we did last chat, life was beginning to pick up in speed. My trip to Yakushima, the island of emerald green forests and crystal clear waters, had come to an end and, having discovered a force of mystical proportions drawing me towards Sakabe Sensei, we wondered what would lay in the future. The time for waffling on the decision to stay or go was getting shorter and shorter...

Then, just a couple of weeks after, the impossible happened. My mom actually got onto a plane and came out to Japan to see me. I remember the time when she told me that she would never come, that she didn't really have much interest in seeing Japan, that it would be tough dealing with the flight and the jet lag, and wouldn't I be coming home soon anyway??

It helped that my brother came along. That was really nice and wonderful because I don't know if mom would have come otherwise. And so, we spent a week tromping about on this old island.

I pushed them through a pretty full schedule because people usually respond to high expectations, especially if they know it will be worth it all in the end. We went to the castle in Kumamoto, explored the shopping district, and ate green tea ice cream following a walk through Tamana's Iris Festival down at the canal. In the middle of the week, I drove us in my friend Etsuko's van to Aso, the heart of the firelands which is the heart of the island of Kyushu. We dined the old fashioned way, our table being the grill, our food covered with sweet miso paste.

On the last full day of our adventures, we met Furu-san in the morning, and he drove us out to meet Sensei in the city. The place he took us to meet could be the subject of a whole other post. It was an immensely huge warehouse filled with collectibles in every category, so much that they were literally spilling out of the place. From top to bottom, neatly cramped in were clothes, cards(anime, baseball, soccer, postcards, playing cards, etc.), stuffed animals(big, small, anime, realistic, movie-themed, food themed, etc.), miniatures(dolls, foods, action figures, etc.) records, etc., etc. And et cetera--you get the picture. Entirely ridiculous, as, in my experience, only Japanese have orchestrated to such an extent.

Sakabe Sensei was a little late, so we got time to browse the goods. Left our mouths watering, my brother's especially, as soon as he noticed the old and highly bizarre record collection. I, of course, got caught in the miniatures section. I couldn't stop looking at all the mini Japanese food. There were boxed lunches, king crabs from Hokkaido, the northern island, and chestnuts from our very own Kumamoto. I peeled my eyes off the mini box of monkey bananas and collected my brother from the back shelves as Furu-san called us to go.

Sensei drove us all the way down south to the Amakusa Islands, where he was born. We drove over the five famed 'Bridges of Amakusa.' We stop to look out on the fog, in the direction of Nagasaki and also China at several points along the way. We had seafood for lunch, an Amakusa speciality. I was surprised and pleased at my mother's bravery in trying the local cuisine. (An interesting point to note is that I translated the entire day, with additions by Furu-san every now and then when he could think of the English word for something. It was my first real time translating for two parties, and I was wrecked at the end, although my family says I did a fine job. I gained a new respect for what translators must go through to empty themselves of their own thoughts and be open to the interpretation of others at any given moment.)



The culmination of the trip, in my mind, was to accompany my mother back to her hotel and wish her good night from my heart, and go off to talk with my brother for several hours. If, aside from enlightenment, the next most precious gift to the spirit is relationship, then my spirit was surely bright after that night talking together. My brother, both of my brothers, in fact, are incredibly sensitive human beings, just as we all seem to be when it comes down to it. But to be able to have the slightest glimpse of his vulnerabilities and recollections of (unextinguishable!) dreams, there was no place that I felt I wanted to be than right there with my family near.

There are so many details I'm leaving out. Feel free to call me on any of them, okay bro or mom?

Thank you, you guys, for a great trip together and for enduring a long travel to get to this part of the world. To Mom, you've supported me in my life here and helped me to get through challenging times, and that you could finally end up seeing some of these things for yourself was delightful for me. You're great at bowing too, but you already know that. Jay, I get the feeling you are about to launch any day. Store up on fuel in the meantime, right? Talk to you soon.

And gratitude to those people who asked me(more than once) to keep on blogging. Please enjoy the fourth act. And my love and best to you.

Day 26 -- Rapid Changes

Yesterday, I made a transliteration of the AikiManseido("Aikido for the Whole World") creed, so I can begin to recite it in class. It's something that was composed by the Sunadomari Sensei, the head of AikiManseido and a student of Ueshiba O'Sensei(Aikido's founder). He was Sakabe Sensei's teacher, too, for a long time until Sakabe Sensei started his own dojos. You can see the original Japanese brushed here. I'm not going to try to translate it here because I couldn't do it justice in English. But I will translate the first sentence, and that is " 'Aiki' means 'the manifestation of love.' "

I go to the 53rd anniversary demonstration of Manseido this Sunday, where I hope to see Sunadomari Sensei for the first time. I'm waiting in anticipation of this event. He's something like 81 or 82 years old. I wonder what kind of demonstration it will be...

It is dawning on me how powerful this martial art's potential is to change a person.


Total minutes early: 210

Day 25 -- Sensei and the Island

As I said earlier, I got the chance to go to Yakushima Island last week for three days with Sakabe Sensei and two other people. Yakushima Island is south of here, way down near Okinawa.

The whole island is covered with green, and although it was clear the whole time we were there, it was really apparent how much it must rain to become sheeted over with moss and so full of life. What astonished me the most about the place was the island's seeming ability to regenerate itself, even though a lot of logging had taken up til the mid-1960s. It had that kind of magic about it, pine trees which had grown on old stumps, banyan trees reaching down and forming new roots with their branches, and huge, ancient cedars carrying dozens of forms of different plant life in their branches.


There were plenty of small deer who pretty much ignored us, monkeys, who stared at us, and the colorful fish we could see from the glass-bottom boat. I ate a flying fish(cost about $8). That makes me really feel special somehow (. . *)V . I also ate something called 'kame no te,' or turtle's hand. It's actually a kind of shellfish that really looks like a turtle's paw. It tasted like clam.



There were three really spectacular waterfalls. One was 88 meters high, one was just beautiful, and the last one, pictured here fell directly into the ocean. I hear that's pretty rare for a waterfall.

I did get to go hiking in the Princess Mononoke inspired forest, and although it was quite an enchanted forest, the hike was easier than I'd imagined, so it didn't have much of a feeling of being hidden away.
Even still, I could have spent a lot more time in that forest. For a few moments, Sakabe Sensei and I sat looking at the trees in silence, and he and I were both reluctant to get up when it was time to go. We shared a few moments like this. All in all, I have to say that my experience with Sensei for those three days was different than I would have imagined.
Sensei on the mat astounds me. I become alive watching him; alert beyond thought. I have even felt once or twice that he could have been my father in a different time, because of the way that he kindly takes care of me, but is also strict. This is on the mat.

Off the mat, he's friendly enough, but I was surprised by some quirks that started to come out after a few days of close contact. Well, to start, he wore the same clothes the whole time, a dingy sort of suit, but he kept asking me to take his picture, so I got a lot of pictures of him. His camera was apparently 'maybe working,' same with his video camera. I didn't get that exactly. He took pictures with his camera even though the screen didn't turn on.

What else? He made us pay as a group several times, and when it came to sort out money, we each had accumulated receipts. The totals had to be added, divided, and it was messy. At the end, Sensei brought up that he had lost some of the receipts from his group purchases, so we had to give him an amount based on his estimation. I like to keep watch over my finances these days, so I was a little erked by the mystery of the lost receipts.

Otherwise, the language barrier difficulties were to be expected. It was Sensei, two fellows in their young 30s and me. Sensei nor the other two spoke English, except for the random katakanized word from Katsuki-san when he could think of it. I did my best, but it was a bit rough by the end, when my brain had burst onto the floor from Japanese overload.

It was a good experience, and I had a nice chance to reflect and could get to know Sensei much, much better. We had practice Monday night, and I was right. The nicey-nicey stage seems to be over. I broke a real sweat and joined the gang. And I felt lucky to have such a teacher and that we all have each other.

I wish I could devote more time to making this writing better, but I don't seem to be able to find the time. It's 1:30am now. I was late today, I'm really sorry to report, because I overslept after last night's hard training. I'll be up again and early tomorrow though.

No minutes to add this time. Total: 202

Day 24 -- Review, Realign

We're in the middle of what is known here as Golden Week. It's the time of the year when the Japanese calendar has a built-in vacation, and it's traditionally been a time when my schedule is packed. Here's the review of Golden Week mid-action:

Friday, I didn't post because although it wasn't a holiday, it was a special day for the schools in the area, something like an area-wide inter-high school competition day. I went out to Tamana High School to watch the swim team. Our swim team has one member, but she's a really strong swimmer. She also has an interest in English and will be an exchange student in our sister city Clarinda, Iowa, next year. She took first place for women. Woohoo!

Saturday, Sakabe Sensei invited me to participate in his weekly Aikido marathon, in which he teaches four 1 1/2 hour classes at a community center in Kumamoto City in the same day. My allergies were terrible, really distracting, and I felt like I had a big cloud floating inside my head, but I trained the four classes anyway. There was a fifth class, but I couldn't go because it was farther away and I had made some plans for dinner with someone. Sakabe Sensei had some injury to his knee from class the night before, and he was limping, but he still taught all the classes. I have to say, I was pretty useless in helping him, sadly. He'd asked me, sort of jokingly, to teach the children's class in the afternoon, but I think he was actually serious. Me, I was thinking, "What, is he nuts?! I just started this, I don't understand it. How could I teach it?" So I just participated and felt a little foolish because I was about at the same level as these six and seven year-olds, even though I was wearing a black belt.

The mats were really hard, so I got a couple of bruises on my shoulders from rolling. My falling form had become so sloppy from lack of discipline in the recent years, and I'm really paying for it now. The emphasis in the falling in this school is on back rolling out of most everything. I have to take much more time to retrain my body to do this kind of fall. I'm wondering how I can do it. I'm tired of retraining myself. That's the problem with changing teachers--they each need you to do it their way. The thing is that I really want to do it this school's way as opposed to any other school. I just need a little more energy and time. And I wonder how I'll manage when I come home...

Sunday, I had some time to relax, and had dinner with a friend. Having relaxing time with friends, time to talk and chill out and have meaningful communication is rare, and I treasured that time with her.

Finally, yesterday, I went with a different friend to the renowned Arita Pottery Festival in Saga Prefecture. I've heard it's one of the most popular pottery festivals in the world. You can find any kind of Japanese dish or bowl you could dream of, in any price range from around 50cents (for nice stuff!) to hundreds of thousands of dollars(zillions of yen). There are hundreds of stands out in the streets, and behind them, hundreds of stores are displaying their unique styles. Kilns from all over Japan show up here; porcelin is also here. My third time here in three years, I stuck to my budget like glue and had a very nice time shopping and looking.

You guys, I'm getting off track in these last days of "30 days early." I'm still arriving early, which is good, but I'm getting up later and later. I've been skipping parts of the routine, like fixing my hair nicely, or something like that. I want to start again as if I'm on Day 1. But it's Day 24, and I was 8 minutes early.

Tomorrow, I've got one more shot to wake up refreshed and lively, and be early before I go off to Yakushima for 3 days. Yakushima is the nature-island that evoked the imagery that can be found in the movie Princess Mononoke. I'll go with Sakabe Sensei and two other Aikido fellows.

Total minutes early: 202

Day 23 -- Woman's Day

Last night, I woke up in the middle of the night, noted the dull pain in my lower abdomen, and marveled at being a woman. My cycles are not predictable, but for several cycles now, I have been able to sense the first physical sensations in my abdomen hours ahead of time. Those first sensations are extremely subtle, and I didn't catch them for years. I find it fascinating when my body collaborates with my hormones, my stress level, and nature's rhythms to alter my state and change me, month after month after month.

I got chills and feverish for about an hour today, but I decided not to take a painkiller. I usually take ibuprofen. Today, somehow, I just wanted to feel the cycle as is. Feeling my natural way reminds me of my special gifts and responsibilities. I even had a moment of feeling grateful, where the pain didn't feel like pain, but just like a sensation, like when you touch bath water and for a moment you aren't sure whether it is very hot or very cold.

I love being a woman.


Total minutes early: 194

Day 22 -- Feast Your Eyes(Sirdar inspired)

One of my favorite parts of being here, as I shared before, is the food. For presentation, freshness, quality, variety and taste, I wonder where one can find such splendor as here in Japan. I don't eat meat, but I do eat seafood, and the possible taste combinations even with a limited diet, are endless. I wanted to share with you a vision of just a few of the meals I've been able to feast on. Have you all ever partaken in this kind of Japanese meal? All of these shots are from onsen(hot springs) houses, specialty restaurants, or izakayas(small restaurants with bars). I can remember where I ate each of these meals.






They go back to this one on the right here. I was having a sayonara party with members of the Arao International Commitee, before I moved to Tamana. I was served the eye because I was the guest of honor. It had a hard core I had to spit out. First and last time, I hope, I have to try eating an eye. It was also at this party where I was served a "mystery sushi." It was tasty, but I was not happy to have eaten it when I learned it was whale.




This fish on the left was from the bonnenkai, the year-end party with the Shoheijuku Aikido folks. Sometimes you can see sashimi raw fish come out and the fish's head is still moving and the tail is still flipping. It's a little strange to see, but of course, guaranteed fresh.



A lot of the celebratory meals for events like parties, ceremonies, etc., are of this style, with many small dishes and several courses. Almost invariably, after eating the first items, usually fresh or raw and reminiscent of the season, out comes tempura, some kind of hearty pudding or soup, and last is white rice, tea, and usually fruit for dessert. One of these meals is from $30-$80. Not bad, considering the experience.



Later, I'll show you some photos of home-cooked meals I've eaten, plus some other made-in-Japan specialties. Japanese home-cooking was new to me when I came here, and I'm still learning about it. I don't know if many of the foods from Japanese home-cooking can be found in my home, Colorado. Maybe you can spot some you are familiar with.

But that's for a later date.

Total minutes early: 185

Day 21 -- Thrills

Jeez, Sirdar, you should have told me to take pics before I went! Actually, it rained all day, pouring for the most part, so fog covered whatever views might have been seen from the car and the dojo. It was a nice place, inside a community center building, with wood paneling and a spacious mat area, fairly new. I could see some mountains towering over the building through the mist, and I imagine it would be a sight to see on a clear day. I'll take a bunch of pictures next time.


The oldest dojo I've been to, believe it or not, is smack dab in the middle of Kumamoto City. I'll definitely go and take some pictures of that place when I get the chance. It looks like a run-down haunted house sitting alongside of a shrine, with tall buildings surrounding on all sides. Furu-san took me there the day of the hanami cherry blossom party in the city. That reminds me: I do have a picture from the hanami I'd like to share. This is O-san doing "Thriller" under the cherry trees. (Well, it was some Japanese form of "Thriller," but it didn't actually have the same words or the same tune. But in my mind, it was "Thriller.") We actually did go and sing real karaoke with a real banana for a mic after this pic was taken.

Today I was 10 minutes early. I'm still working on the waking up part.

Matthew--genki desu yo. I feel pretty lucky to have been able to come over and learn all the things I'm learning. I think I got lucky in one particular regard by originally being placed way out here in the boonies. I live in a kind of suburb, which is even more forgotten than the countryside, I think. I have a lot of chances to experience the Japanese lifestyle I don't think I could have if I was say, close to Tokyo or Osaka. It can feel isolating at times, but I'm grateful to have the chance to be here. Thanks for the thoughts and for reading.

Total minutes early: 175

Day 20

Tomorrow morning, I'm going to a place called Aso, which is really pretty deep in the countryside. There's a volcano that is famous there. I went there on my first week in Japan(back in '04!) and bought a piece of bright yellow sulphur at the tourist stand overlooking the lava pool, which by the way, was green.

There are some other countryside-type events that Aso is famous for, the most exciting of which is the annual fire festival. It's a traditional burning of the fields, but they've turned it into a pyrotechnic's heaven. People take turns lighting barrels of hay on fire, swinging them around, and I think, throwing them. There are all sorts of flamed-filled events, the last of which is to light a giant "火"(fire) on the side of one mountain. I heard from a friend the mountain is huge and the symbol looks about a quarter-mile long! I've never been, but if I can, I'd like to go next March. (Click here to read more on this festival and other cool events that happen around here.)

Anyway, I'll be going tomorrow to Aso with Sakabe Sensei a few other members of the dojo. I'm looking forward to training in the quiet peace of nature, and afterwards hanging out with Sakabe Sensei and the others, maybe watching videos of O'Sensei at his house in the city.

I was early on Friday morning. That part is getting much easier. So, before I finish the 30 days, I want to focus mostly on the getting up part because the being early part has gotten much easier. I'm grateful for the comments and support I've been getting. It helps.

Total minutes early: 165

Day 19 -- The Day That Had to Come

Well, I suppose today had to come. So tired from working hard and getting to bed late for several days now, I woke up when the alarm went off, and then slept an extra 20 minutes. Funny, I was still early(9 minutes) and I didn't regret the decision to sleep in afterwards.

On another topic, I resisted the urge to watch that video with the killer from Virginia on it. What's the point in releasing something like that into the public? I dunno. I didn't watch it, so maybe there was some point. But it seems wrong somehow. Like spreading negativity across the world or something. Obviously, people have a lot of thoughts about this topic. Feel free to comment if you like.



Total minutes early: 157

Day 18 -- Sluggishness!

Would've thought by now I'd exhausted the list of tiny invaders into my humble Japanese abode. The slugs were brought in accidently by yours truly. A little old lady who lives next to the school saw me walking while she was working in her garden. She yelled "Sensei!!" from far, far away, and I almost didn't hear. Then I stopped, turned and realized she was calling to me. She scuttled over to me and said she'd been saving me some beans. This was our first meeting, but she must have seen me walking by before and guessed I was a teacher at the school. So I took the beans, gave her my cow and now there is a huge beanstalk growing in my kitchen. Then she decided she wanted me to have some lettuce too, so she dug up four heads, put them in bag, and sent me off.

Four heads is a lot of lettuce for one person. I put them in the sink and kept them in water so they wouldn't wilt, and I ate a whole head for lunch. When I came home tonight, there were slugs crawling all over the sink! Sigh... do slugs have a lot of protein?

I got up again this morning to a happy little tune. I got up right away without thinking. Little by little...



Total minutes early: 148

Day 17 -- Got Up But Still Klutzing Around

Last night, after I blogged, I crashed. Recently, I've been sleepy and tired and haven't had much time that is not occupied by teaching, cooking, studying or doing Aikido. I don't have time to feel lonely or sad, or even happy. I don't know what to make of it. But I do remember what it feels like to be in training again.

It feels like the teacher is taking a spoon, and scooping out the inside of me, taking out all the junk and leaving a shell of myself. Into that, the teacher shovels in overwhelming amounts of information. It's wonderful and exhausting at the same time.

Right now, I'm just trying to catch on to the basic drills in class. There are 10 or 15 basic drills/kata, I estimate, mixed into class time. They use different footwork patterns and movements from various attacks. Some are from seated, some from standing, some from hanmi-handachi(one person sits, the other stands). At this point, I'm mostly concerned with which foot is forward and which is back, and whether I should be turning my hand up or down, for example, yet I know that there is a much more sensitive and subtle exchange going on in these drills. It's hard to know that deeper level is occuring while I am klutzing around.

Class is a lot of this "no thinking time" stuff. Everything is so fast, faster than I've ever done training before. Of course, I'm still learning, so people slow down for me, and the teacher often comes over and we go through the footwork together or some such thing, but I know that if I don't start picking these things up, I won't get this special treatment much longer. So, I'm wondering how to retain, and what I can do on my own, and how I can improve more quickly. This is all kind of exciting for me.

Anyway, I was so tired that I waited til this morning to take my (nightly) shower. So, I was but 5 minutes early. Today, however, I got up right when the alarm went off. I didn't try, like we talked about. Somehow, I just woke up, and got up. It was a very natural feeling. I want to do that tomorrow, too.

Until then, sayonara!

Total minutes early: 142

Day 16 -- No Time to Think

11 minutes early. And up 15 minutes earlier than last week. I found a bunch of cute tunes on my alarm/keitai(cell phone). So I'm waking up to happy melodies like Rhapsody in Blue, I've Got Rhythm, Clair de Lune, etc. It's niiiice :-)

I'll try putting my alarm further away from the bed, although I don't want to. It's a case of wanting to wake up happy as opposed to alarmed or annoyed. But I will try, because it is reasonable suggestion and it might turn out to be a good thing. We'll see.


Tonight's Aikido practice was "dame datta." "Dame datta" is a great Japanese phrase that means "abominably bad ." It is usually used to refer to one's own hideous abilities, as in "How did you do on your Japanese test?" "Dame datta," or in this case, "I failed utterly." Sometimes it is used to tell small children that have been really naughty. They usually cry because no one likes to be told "dame datta." It also means "It was no good," "It was useless," "My feet were crossed half the time in Aikido class," and so on. A very useful Japanese phrase.

I found that although my body was fine, my brain had burnt out earlier in the day, after 4 classes and two meetings. Furu-san happily chatted away during the hour-long car ride to the Musashi Traditional Arts Center while I sat unable to understand a good part of the conversation but too out-of-it to take the time to clarify what we were talking about. I know there was an urn, that time he got a black eye, and a part-time job involved, but I'm not sure of the correlation.

Class, as usual, was a high-speed blur of Sakabe Sensei executing one righteous technique after another, followed by my poor attempts to imitate all-around. He works with a variety of people when demonstrating-- black belts, white belts, two people, sometimes even four people, and we use wooden knives, swords and staffs every class. I think my favorite part of class right now is when we do what he calls "ukemi renshuu" or falling practice.

He'll call up each person individually and have them attack him again and again and again. Then he'll call up someone different [and sometimes ask them to bring a weapon--for me tonight it was jo(staff)] And he'll keep throwing on and on, until he's thrown everyone and they're beat. But he doesn't get out of breath. He's very wonderful at moving with little effort, and at keeping his breathing under control.

Before I know it, class has flashed by like lightning, and we even dash across the mats with our janitor's brooms, maybe 6 or 7 of us at once, to clean afterwards. It would make me laugh, but I don't have any time to think at all.

When class is over, undoubtedly I'm the last one to put away my gear and change. Beats me how everyone is so efficient but so relaxed. I have a lot to learn. Too bad nothing stuck tonight. There's always tomorrow, I suppose. And that reminds me that training to be very efficient with time is going to help me even more in the mornings...

total minutes early: 137

Day 15 -- Aikido rocked again

For some reason now, my mind is confused and subtley believes that 7 minutes is 10 minutes.

I tell myself as I walk out the door, "Now self, you aren't going to be 10 minutes early if you leave the house with only 3 minutes to get to school."
See, this is true, but it's too late at that point.

I just know the secret lies in getting up the moment I wake up. How, oh how, can I do that?? I want to, I will myself to, but I have yet to be consistently successful. Well, Monday I get to try again. That's the great part about a self-challenge. I can just keep trying until I get it. I'm not impatient with myself, and I know I won't learn if I'm hard on myself or try to trick myself with rewards and such. How does it go...: 'The slow and steady early bird catches the worm." no. "You can fool yourself some of the time...," wait wait wait. "Time flies when you get up late."

I got it. The moral of the story is: "Time flies when you can fool yourself some of the time, but the slow and steady early bird never confuses 10 minutes with 7." Thank you very much.


Once again, I appreciate the comments. Hope you decide to stick around Matthew, and good luck. As for chocolate, I am learning about that, yes. Life really is turning out to be shorter than I had thought. What I mean to say is that I've lived a good deal of my youth, and I don't feel like I made all that many decisions about how I want to live.

Figuring out what I really want is very hard. It's takes patience to sort through the important vs. the essential, conviction to believe in the dream once having seen it, and dedication to follow through and see it come to life. And those wonderful examples of heroes we were talking about before -- where would I be without those? Probably sleeping away life in despair.

So, there is milk chocolate or bitter chocolate, and not as many people are able to love the bitter as they love the milk. But seeing as they are all chocolate, wouldn't it be amazing if they all seemed, somehow, to taste, well... good?

Total minutes early: 126

Days 13 + 14 -- Heroes and Lovers (and kids)

I was 7 minutes early yesterday and today. It wasn't easy, but it's getting easier still.

I appreciate the comments from Day 12. I thought a lot about them yesterday. I wonder if I could ever be someone's hero, inspire someone the way my heroes inspire me. I thought about what my heroes have in common with each other. It surprised me to notice that there are no violinists specifically among my heroes. I found it strange because I play the violin.

I also thought about if my life will be complete if I get married and have kids. More and more, I think I just want to be plain old happy, and live an uncomplicated life, whatever that is. But I also want to live life with a deep meaning and especially with a connection to my/the universe's nature. You know what I mean. I don't want to sleep through life and wait for it to be over.

I wish I could say that I've decided I'm getting married and going to have kids or not going to get married and have kids, but something there in that realm has yet to become complete for me.

Namely, I can't decide whether to stay here in Japan for another year or come home. If I stay, I probably won't get married for a while. If I come home, I expect that I will probably get married and more than likely have children much sooner. And if neither of those things will come about, I suppose I will either become a nun or a rich old lady. Score!

But I don't know what to do just now. I need some new goals because the old ones are starting to get, you guessed it -- old -- and not motivate me anymore. I have to decide what I want for the coming time. I already know no one will do that for me. It's nice to have a say for yourself!

That being said, I do have confidence that I will be at least 10 minutes early tomorrow to work. wink wink

Total minutes early: 119

Day 12 -- A New Way

I did it. 10 minutes early and done in a leisurely manner.

I have the feeling recently that my life is being cleansed. My desk at work is clean. The clutter that used to take up space in my house is gone. I know what's in my closets. There sits on my bed a pile of clean, folded clothes. The dishes are also done. Having arrived home from Aikido about an hour ago, I am also now clean.

A few weeks ago I took care of a bunch of those things I'd been meaning to do for a long time: buying a rod for the curtain across from the door, polishing my boots, making space in the front tatami room, buying a new bag for my weapons, vacuuming the inside of the car, etc. I even cleaned out my email box and replied to all those old ones that had been sitting there for too long.

So I had said before that I am full and empty. Life is full of classes and students and teachers and goldfish and mendelssohn and kanji and suwariwaza shomenuchi ikkyo ura. There are drinking parties and conveyor belt sushi bonanzas and taiko drumming games and iris festivals and castles and okonomiyaki. There is English club, Kado club, Japanese class, Sunday tutoring, Thursday night out, etc., etc., etc.

And yet, the dishes are done.

Full, yet empty.

This is a new way of being for me. It's exciting, full of potential.
I feel something as I gaze at the picture of the man sitting in the middle of his own spider web.

Total: 105 minutes early

Day 11 -- 6 minutes past the punch

I'm so enthralled with this new Aikido I've been learning. Class whips by and all the meanwhile I find myself absorbed for its entirety.

Tonight I was a little late for class, but it wasn't actually because of me. I've been driving to class with the guy who teaches me on Tuesdays, and he works right up to the minute we have to leave for class. He tells me it's only Mondays, and I ask him if it's only school teachers who work every day of the week in Japan. He assures me that he is not a workaholic, and we get on our way.

This guy himself is pretty cool. He doesn't even know he's cool, which is so fun. Apart from having studied this style of Aikido for 7 years, he does karate twice a week. He's been doing that for four years.

I didn't have my Japanese language class at the YMCA last Saturday, so I went to train with him at the Tamana budokan (martial arts hall). Unfortunately, he'd gotten hit by a punch to the solar plexus in Friday night's karate class, and he couldn't move his neck! Needless to say, it was a light training session, and low and behold by today, Monday, with the help of a chiropractor, he has 'fully' recovered. That reminds me of a post I once wrote about the astonishing medical care I've been witness to here.

All this and I was only 4 minutes early this morning to work. How that's related, I don't know. My dad implies I should be able to make this 'missed time' up, if the same holds true for time as it does for sleep. But I can't make these minutes up. These are my life. I can't get time back. Every time I don't reach my goal, I have to try again to do what I set out to do, no excuses!!!

Let's add: 91 + 4 = 95 minutes early.

And 19 days left to arrive!!

Days 9 and 10 -- Little Obstacles

I apologize for not getting yesterday's time up yesterday. I was 9 minutes early.

I was 7 minutes early today. Straight after last night's welcome party for the new teachers, I came home and fell asleep. I didn't wake up until morning and when I did, I was still in my clothes! So I hoofed it and took a morning shower instead of evening, and still managed to be early, although not 10 minutes early.

As much as being early has become important to me, I have to say that doing it in a relaxed, leisurely manner is just as important. We'd all rather be stress-free in the morning, take our time, move at our own pace, right?

So creating more time is going to be necessary. I'm moving back my wake-up time by 15 minutes.

Day after day there are small obstacles that always seem to change. But being the same as I go through them is the real challenge.


Total minutes early: 91

(I can do better than that.)

Day 8 -- In time for tea

10 minutes early but still a little rushed. It's part of the old habit. The rushing comes right at the end, and seems to be a way of compensating for not getting up right away and therefore having to hurry at the end of the routine. I'm going to keep going and get one inch closer tomorrow.

It's spring break at school now, and the cherry blossoms are streaming down like rain. I have all free time all day in school. Most of the teachers take their vacation days during this time, so it's quiet in the staff room, but I like it. I already made the plans for classes, so I get to do whatever I like as long as I stay on school grounds.

So, what did I do today? I spent the morning studying and writing kanji. I took a walk to get my lunch and I spent the entire afternoon, from 1:30 to 5pm, playing the violin. After I came home after work, I went almost straight to Aikido. That's all I did today. I am at once full and empty. There's more I could say about that topic, but that's for another post.

Total minutes early: 75

Day 7 -- Routine

Well, I only have three minutes to add to the total today.

It was hard to get up, probably because I arrived home from training late last night. The drive is just about one hour, and class ends at 10pm. I was very tired when I came home, but I took my shower and set out my clothes. It just took some extra effort to lift my body out of bed come morningtime.

I trained tonight too, in town. I'm learning so much. It's humbling and I feel really lucky. I also fell asleep in the bathtub, accidently. But I think I can be 10 minutes early tomorrow, regardless of how I feel tonight.

In the meantime, I've put together a night time routine as suggested by a couple of people. It's just as straightforward as the morning routine, but I have to start earlier than I'm used to in order to get everthing done. All this routine leaves no time for any goofing off. Really, there's no time to think if I'm to get it all done.

During the daytime, at least recently, I'm finding the same thing. The things I do involve intention, from arriving at school to say good morning to journaling to preparing to studying to practicing, etc. There is less and less unutilized space. For some reason, this feels like a wonderful way to live life; within certain boundaries, but also with a sense of freedom and ease. The boundaries are self-created, so they are just pretend. It takes self-discpline, therefore, to follow them, because no one else knows them, right?

Total minutes early: 65

Day 6 -- Dreams come true and Angels are real

I was 10 minutes early to work today. It was not so difficult today because I did as Sirdar suggested and laid my clothes out the night before. I also changed around the order of a couple of things in the routine to make smoother.

A lot has been happening in other parts of my life, by the way. Besides going to three parties during the weekend, I had been asked to take a second-degree black belt test at the Shoheijuku Aikikai dojo here in Kumamoto and the tests were on Sunday. I had originally set my mind towards taking the test, but as the time approached I didn't yet have the confidence I would need.

I decided that I could only take a test if I could prepare well enough, so I asked the teachers and some of the other students if they would meet with me on different days to help me prepare. The only person that agreed to do it was of course, Awesome Guy, but with just that little extra training, it wasn't enough for me to become ready. I learn a lot at the dojo, but training is slow and my body is out of shape.

Looking for other ways to train, I found a poster in the local budokan(martial arts hall) for an Aikido class that had just started in my town. Turned out the Aikido on the poster is from another branch of called Aishikan, under a larger school named Manseido. Even though the school(style) was different, I went anyway for the extra training opportunity -- so it would seem. Today I handed in my membership form and I became an official member of Aishinkan.

I have no doubt that this dojo is where I want to be. The teacher is unbelievable skilled. Each class he runs class like clockwork, and the students are all amazingly skilled also. Class moves so quickly I can hardly keep up. The ukemi(falls) are clean, mostly back rolls, but the students seem to be very flexible to many ways of falling.

I just wish I could tell you everything I've seen. My dream of meeting this sort of experience is coming true. I couldn't care less about second-degree at this point. I talked a bit with the Shoheijuku Kumamoto teacher and let him know I wasn't going to take the test. He totally didn't understand, but maybe that's because he doesn't know me very well at all. I don't care about rank. I care about learning.

So my schedule changed to training Mondays and Tuesdays with these folks, Wednesday and Saturday with the old dojo. I can add and subtract days as I like after I figure out what is best to do. I've spent many, many hours with the Shoheijuku people, and have certainly made some close friends there, so I will continue practicing there until I make up my mind what is the best way to move forward.

You know, I also want to tell you about what's been going on with my relationship with my boyfriend. The things we have come to realize together give me joy and great sorrow. If we could imagine that angels were real, I'm sure one would resemble my boyfriend. Maybe you can understand what I mean somehow. I don't mean he's cute and so nice, I mean that he is kind, decent, mature and wise, with patience and a wide-opened mind.

We were watching the cherry blossoms fall from the trees yesterday in Jagatani Park. The moments of life are fleeting like the fall of the blossoms. Maybe you can understand.

Anyway, I'm ready to wake up tomorrow and create some joy. Are you with me?

Well, I didn't get any minutes from anyone since the weekend, so we don't have to think about that just now. As for me, I'm up to 62 minutes early!

Day 5 -- Getting fired up

Ugh. I ate a scallop in my sashimi tonight. I'm assuming that why I have a shooting pain in my stomach. So I'll keep it on the short side. 11 minutes early. Still hard to get up as soon as the alarm goes off. Still working on it.
Grateful for the support I've been receiving early in the game.

Total minutes early: 52

Got another 20 minutes from a friend today. Grand total: 91 minutes of created morning time

Day 4 -- Gaging

Somehow did not get up as soon as my alarm went off -- got up 4 minutes after. Those four minutes; got to whittle them down.

The thing that takes the longest in the morning routine by far seems to be picking out what to wear. It reminds me of deciding what to have for dinner.
We have the staples: rice, noodles, etc., then whatever certain vegetables have been given to us(me) that week, spices and whatever other fun stuff, and from there, we're supposed to put together something that tastes like good food and hopefully looks appetizing. Likewise we've got the pants and the skirt, the foundation of outfit, the shirts in all colors just like the vegetables, and then the jewelry, hair doodads, scarves, etc. that are the spice of dressing. We put it all together and we then take this spicy dressing and look in the mirror and hope it looks appetizing. How is one to fit this complex and delicate procedure into less than 10 minutes?

Regardless, today I was nine minutes early, bringing the total to 41 early minutes thus far.

I'm happy to report 20 early minutes I received from a friend today, bringing the combined total to 61 minutes. We're over an hour early. I hope you brought a book!

Day 3 -- Back on Track

Forgot to set my alarm last night to wake up this morning, but somehow still arrived at work 13 minutes early!

You know, once I'm up, it's pretty straight forward from there, but the actual getting up is hard. I've been told that one of the factors could be that I have low blood pressure. They say it can be harder for people with low blood pressure to get up in the morning. I'm not sure that's it though, because other people in my family have timeliness issues and I don't think they all have low blood pressure.

Just in case though, if anybody understands why it's supposed to be more difficult, go ahead and let me know. Nix that--just tell me what can be done about it. I'm now getting more and more frequent exercise than I was just a bit ago. That will either help or make me tired from exhaustion. Ha! How to win the Getting Up in the Morning Game? I feel like I'm playing chess against the computer; it's always 10 steps ahead of me...

I read that it's best to just get up the moment the alarm goes off rather than lying in bed groggily. This article argued that thinking at all makes getting up difficult. I'll try that tomorrow. Just get up when it goes off. (I also noticed it helps if I do things like wash the dishes and pick up a little the night before. That way, I'm not distracted the next day when I'm getting ready.)

How's your progress? Did you find a morning routine that works for you? We should add up our collective minutes and find a sponsor or something. I'm up to what, 32 minutes early? Cool, now if only time were money...

Day 2 -- False Start

I had a harder time getting up this morning, and thus arrived only six minutes early. Four minutes past the mark...

Although it may be difficult to get out of bed on some days more than others(for example, if I worked out heavily the night before, if it's raining that morning, I didn't sleep well, etc.), really, it shouldn't matter how I feel. I want to be able to get to there early regardless of a feeling or emotion. It will take some self-disciplining at first, and then autopilot ought to kick in after too long, I'm betting.

If this works, just think of all the things that can be achieved by training oneself in this way--being able to stick to an intention regardless of fickle emotion. No more impulse buying. No more wavering decision-making. No more crying over spilled milk or broken legs(gimme a minute to link this to a blog from my Arao #1 Middle School judo days and you'll get that one). And it all starts with a 30-day challenge.

I'm surprised I already slipped a little and it's only day 2.

Focus, Daniel-san.

Day 1 -- Go!!

Yes!! Success!

Not only did I get up easily, my notes kept me focused so that I didn't have to think, even when I was sleepy. I was out the door on time and arrived 13 minutes early, and received a nice reciprical "Good morning!" from the staff. I felt relaxed and even managed to get all nicely put together, with time to do my hair, etc.

A big part of this challenge is about moving into the space where I don't have to think about what I'm doing in the morning. If I can get the routine down--without thinking about it--I think I'll be set. 30 days is what I expect this might take, so, on with the challenge!

I hope you were also able to put out your best effort today to get to work early. Was anyone surprised to see you or come up to greet you like they did me? It's a nice feeling, isn't it?

See you tomorrow, early birds!

Okay, so I'm all set for tomorrow. I put a couple notes around the house to remind me what I'm supposed to be doing, and the alarm is ready to tell me when to scoot out the door. I'm really looking forward to this. It seems like life comes into focus by taking on a challenge, especially one I feel passionate about.

And thanks to at least three people by supporting me with their own 30-days early self-challenge. Good luck to you, and don't give up, even if you miss a day or two. I'll do the same!

And just a side note to two special people who are dealing with their own personal challenges right now. Keep on truckin' and you'll(we'll) get through this and come out stronger for it. My best to you both.

Get set...

Thirty Days Early

Man, what I wouldn't give to be early to work every day. Sometimes, I'm a few minutes early, most of the time I'm just barely on time, and more often then not, I'm a few minutes late. Like 2 or 3 minutes. On the rare occasion, I'll be 10 or 15 minutes late.

I hate being late to work. I don't like the feeling of rushing beforehand, and I don't like the feeling of arriving after I'm supposed to. I don't like cutting into the meeting in the morning or waiting out in the hallway until it is done. I don't think being late helps people to trust me, and I don't think it's very healthy to be rushing all the time.

So, why would I continue doing this if all these reasons tell me l shouldn't? Well, I haven't, until this point, looked very deeply into changing this habit. Don't get me wrong, I've tried different methods to be on time, but none of them have worked for longer than about two or three weeks, when I eventually drift back to being late every so often.

Among the things I've tried: setting my clocks fast, planning to the minute when I have to leave to get there on time, laying my clothes out and making breakfast the night before, showering in the morning, showering at night, among other things. Last year, from March til July, I actually kept a journal to record my timeliness to work. Somehow, it didn't help me so much to be writing down "4/24 -- late".

I'm tired of it all! I want to put an end to it.

Therefore, starting Monday, March 26th, I will be 10 minutes early for work. I will go into the building, relaxedly, and enthusiatically say "Good morning!" to my coworkers, make myself a cup of green tea, and sit down at my desk.

I will start on Monday, and I will continue in that way every day of next week. I will also do this the following week. I will continue the same pattern 'ten-minutes early, good morning!, tea, sit down' for thirty straight work days.

If I play my cards right after thirty days, I will be free, and the world will have one less latecomer to deal with!

If you often find yourself late for work or some other daily event, please join me on Monday and start your own "quest for timeliness." Do it publically or privately -- we can challenge ourselves to grow together.

I'll log my progress here. I'll also tell you what changes I make to my morning routine.
I'll start off by setting an alarm to go off at the time I am to leave the house to be 10 minutes early to work. Other than that, I haven't decided to change any other routine yet. I'll start Monday so that I really have time to get ready and focused beforehand.

On your marks...

What I Got

If you practice a lot, your skill level goes up really fast. That's what they say, right? Well, yeah. Practicing all the time is hard work; it takes time, energy and focus. But it layers on itself day after day, and it gets easier and easier.

The Mendelssohn is getting sooo enjoyable. I used to think it was impossible--I started it almost 15 years ago!! But I wasted so much time playing the thing over and over again, and then moved on, thinking I'd somehow learned the piece.

You know what made the difference this time? Well, firstly, I decided to memorize it. The first movement, that is. It's 7 pages--not easy for me. I never knew what people went through to memorize. Now I know. I finally get that it's just a matter of practice, reenforcing what I learned the day before. I've got about 5 of the pages down. I could memorize the whole concerto now. It'd just take a few more weeks.

Second thing is, I decided to try playing it in tune. Not close to in tune, but in tune. This is consistently impossible right now. So I just train my fingers. Thanks to the advice of the teacher A. E., who gave me couple lessons in Boulder when I was there in the summer, and to L, who bestowed to me the lessons in the first place, I slowly came to see that playing in tune is a huge part of the practice. And most of my life, I haven't bothered with it. I didn't know I _could_ play in tune.

Now I know that I can--that's because I already know how to play in tune in my mind, but my fingers and my brain really want to play faster than my mind can handle. It's like when you are making a speech in front of people, and you want to say everything you feel all at once. The mind knows it, but it takes time for the brain to verbalize, and for the mouth to vocalize it beautifully.

Thirdly, and lastly, I'm preparing this music for a purpose, that being to make a tape and send it in as an audition. That gives me a lot of focus and motivation. I'm doing nothing more than any musician would do. I'm happy to say that I feel like I'm truly giving it my best.

Let me say that no one has heard these pieces from me yet. I practice in the practice rooms at school, and not once has the door been rapped upon in two months since I started preparing. So it will be really exciting to 'unveil' what I've been working on for the tape. I really hope I can give a sample here too.

It would be so great if my Aikido practice could some day be like this too... I miss CO where people can practice any day... well, one thing at a time. I think it's more important to build the habit of practicing. It doesn't matter what I'm practicing, as long as it's the same thing consistently.

The world is so much bigger than I can take in. It's full of lots of people working really hard. It's inspiring. It gets hard to know what to do with yourself, whether music is good enough. But it seems to be what I've got at the moment...

The Hard Post to Post

I want to tell you that I just had my two-year anniversary last weekend. Boy, it was a little bit of a tough time! I won't go into details, but we find ourselves unsure of the future as before. This is difficult for me. There have been so many times that I have wanted to really go for it, and pursue this life with him. For me though, I can barely hold on sometimes, being away, not connected to people day after day. It makes me sad just to think about it. I know it's February, and February can be a hard month sometimes because of the weather, so I'm trying to keep that in mind too.

So you are thinking, "What's the problem? Isn't everything great together?" I come up with the answer that yes, everything is great. We are working hard not to rely too much on each other, not to see each other more than a couple times in a week, to accept that we don't share the same view on most anything, and we are patient through the misunderstandings and the cultural differences.

He said the other day that he is a simple person, and doesn't desire to think too deeply about many things. I thought I wanted to be a simple person who doesn't desire to think too deeply about many things too. But there are things that linger in my life that don't let me go. Why do these things begin to turn my hairs gray?

And so if I stay, he will not, in all likelihood be joining me in Nagano. And if I come home, he will not be joining me. Of that, I am pretty sure. He worries about me and will help me as long as I am here, around Kumamoto. Jeez, I don't want him to worry about me. That's like someone staying around because they are scared something bad will happen if they leave. That means that he doesn't stay because he wants to, but because of me, my inability to take care of myself. I don't like that.

But boy, we do love each other. You build up a habit of caring for and about a person day after day, and this habit of caring is such a wonderful thing. I wish I could feel this kind of caring for all the people I know. But it takes a lot of time and effort and upkeep that I don't know how to care for everyone I meet in this way. It sure would be a nicer world over here in this neighborhood if I could figure that one out.

I suppose I'm afraid I'll forget how to take care of someone because really, I learned a lot about that from him. Being around him, hanging out with his family, who are so respectful of each other, eating meals together, he is naturally kind and relaxed. Especially those things that are really hard for me: being punctual, not taking certain things too seriously, and keeping from getting too dark from time to time, he helps me with, without even knowing. He does not have these issues, so they tend to disappear for me when I'm around him.

What do I possibly do for him? Teach him English? Cook him food sometimes which doesn't taste half as good as what his family's food tastes like? Provide stress relief? I don't know about that. Recently he's been saying I bring stress to him. It's true. Sometimes, I just feel unsettled, and I tend to bring it up, and it causes stress whenever I do that. So then I don't know what to so with the unsettled feelings.

I'll give you an example of this. The most recent time was around the anniversary. As you may know, Valentines Day here is a day where women give stuff to men. And our anniversary is just after that. Well, I thought that the anniversary was more meaningful than Valentine's Day, and so I told him that I wanted to make the anniversary more special, and would he be okay if Valentine's Day was just a small thing? He said okay. What he actually interpreted that to mean was that I was going to do something for the anniversary instead of Valentine's Day, and that he shouldn't plan anything. It all played out and I did this thing, made a big plan for the anniversary, a small but nice plan for Valentine's Day, and when it was all finished, I had this sinking feeling. I sat down on the bed and turned dark inside. He notices this. He doesn't miss it, and he always stops what he is doing to care for me.

Why I turned dark is because I had this feeling that he hadn't done anything, put any thought into our anniversary. At first, I thought maybe he was hiding some plan, but as time went on, it dawned on me that he hadn't planned anything. It hadn't been something he'd even thought to do something for. This, I couldn't understand. So, I got really sad while he was in the bathroom, and I sunk onto the bed. I wondered how this day could not be worth making a special plan for. I wondered if he thought our anniversary wasn't a special day.

I couldn't talk for a little. That's usually how it goes. Thoughts really fly through my mind, most of them critical and negative, and so I can't speak. I know those thoughts are just destructive and reactive. So I have to wait and eventually I spoke. He thought that I had said that I wanted to do the planning for the anniversary, that I was going to do something for him in lieu of Valentine's. All he had wanted to do was to watch our anniversary movie, ~~ , together. That's all. How simple of him.

So, I felt really guilty for thinking that I should get something because I did something. Originally, that wasn't how I had thought about the situation at all. I was really happy to be able to do something really nice for the two of us. But at the end there, I suppose I did hope that he had something planned, for me, for us, whatever. And so I am guilty of that. But I was simply shocked that he really thought I wanted to plan the anniversary alone, all by myself. I mean, that doesn't make much sense, does it? I just wanted to surprise him with something nice, but I guess he felt left out and like he was uninvolved because of that.(?)

Well, so that was an example of an unsettled feeling. When I write it down like this, though, it seems kind of logical, and hopefully not self-righteous. See, the thing is, I care about him, almost more than I care about myself, if you can believe that. And so when we say things to each other that damage us, I get sooo sad. I start crying just saying something mean sometimes. Some of these habits I have are ingrained so deeply...

There's more, but I think this is enough for now. Somehow, I'm glad to have sat here and written this out. Somehow, I still feel unresolved. Well, that's okay. That's plenty for now. The longest post I've ever written.

Dedication

For the past two and a half years I've been writing about my thoughts and experiences here on the southern, sometimes backwards, sometimes forwards, but always upsidedown place they call Kyushu, Japan. It's a noteworthy place, but unfortunately, I don't know much about writing. And as far as expressing its excitement, I don't know the first thing about putting that into a programming language. Therefore, I'm grateful that people stop by and read and leave comments, especially my family. The feedback, interest, and support fuel my tank.

There's one person, though, who goes an extra mile here, and that's Blu. Really, your support has been unending. I show up, and you're here, with an open ear and an open mind. Your devotion moves me, and I wouldn't be surprised if others find it moving too.

It's funny, a lot of people have asked _me_ who you are, how I knew you. Imagine that.

With respect, I'd like to dedicate these first 232 entries to you, Blu. (Raising a glass) Here's to kindness, Kyushu, and Blu...!

Mmm, 94% Chocolate

I just got the results of the 4th Level Japanese Proficiency Exam that I took back in December. They are:

listening: 88/100
reading/grammar 189/200
writing/vocabulary 100/100

total: 377/400 points
percentage: 94% correct

I'm so happy! I started with 60% on my first practice test. I worked hard and really studied, and the results show my best effort. I'd scored pretty consisently around 90% in weeks before the test, so a 94% is wild beyond my wildest dreams*!! (*Except in the dream where I score 98%, but my pencil was also made of chocolate, so they probably scored it wrong that time. You were there too, but...)

3rd level, you don't scare me!! I'm gonna chew you up and spit you out and then take you and pass you!!!
HA HA AH HAHAH!!!!!

The Value of Peanuts

It was my second time competing at the All-Valley Arao Bite-Your-Head-Off-If-You-Catch-My-Beans Competition. In local terms it's called the "bean-throwing festival," but by now I know better. Hundred of people show up at Narita Temple to celebrate the end of the longest day winter with bags in hand. It's a day of casting out the demons in our lives, and starting fresh. And Narita Temple's got a great way to cast the old away.

After some preliminary prayers, dancing, and festivities, (all of which are worth coming to watch on their own, by the way) the announcer informs us, the crowd, that we look like we have beans-on-the-brain. What can I say, it's probably true. We look forward to these little white packages, containing infinite possibilities, tumbling from the rooftop into our grasp for an instant before they fall to the ground and are picked up by a small child or bent-over old woman. We are dreaming about a new TV or a year's supply of rice, perhaps, contained within.

Amazingly enough, it was Hiro's first time doing this, but he turned out to catch like an old pro. So as the town leaders stood on the roof of the temple, tossing packages though the air, the announcer yelling at us to scream with glee even louder, he managed to catch 20 or so packages, a rice ball, a brown sugar candy bar, and about 4 packs of mixed snacks. I was happy because in my little bag I caught a big anpan, which is a stuffed roll.

If I could give the world a gift, I would invite everyone to the bean-throwing festival. It's so easy to lose yourself in the fun of the dancing, the smell of the incense, and the catapulted treasures coming right at you.

We opened up our packages one by one, looking for the number written on the paper that would send us off to claim the prize with the same number. But alas, all we found were(once again not beans) peanuts. Funny that I say it that way, because I wasn't disppointed at all. I ate my peanuts on the way home in the car, and boy did they taste like joy...

Mr. Kupprion

Mother nature seems to be having hot flashes. Last night it rained and afterwards it was so pleasant and warm outside. This morning, I was told it was -5 degrees celsius(whatever _that_ means!), and tonight it's freeeezing! I came home just now from Aikido, and I didn't want to get out of my car where the heater was nice and warm, so I drove around for 15 minutes after arriving home. Finally, I decided to brave the 15 minutes of cold it takes for my heater to warm my bedroom. Even after it's warm in here though, cold air leaks in through the windows and the floor.

Though I'm complaining, truthfully, it's nice to feel like it's winter again. On the walk to work, the daffodils are blooming in a nearby yard. Yesterday, the art teacher pointed out to me that the plum tree has a few flowers in bloom already, a month ahead of schedule. I'm willing to bet that an early spring will mean a hot, hot summer, and that might be harder than a cold winter. The reason I say that is because things(clothes, food, Aikido dogis) grow mold so fast when it's hot, and the bugs come out. At least in the cold things are clean and I can leave the compost in the sink for more than 5 minutes without three different kinds of ants finding it.

Okay, no more complaining. Da, da da daaa: I joined a gym again, at last. Membership starts tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to going as I prepare to take my 2nd degree black belt test in early April. (As an added perk, my membership gets me 200yen off at the bathhouse near my house. It's not a fancy bathhouse as far as they go, but they have a nice little outdoor bath, and a sauna. These are communal baths, you know. Like we all soak naked together(women and men are separate), just like Romans did, I guess. At first, I was a little shy doing it, but now I enjoy taking communal baths very much. Doing something routine with other people around makes me take that much more care to see that I've really done a good job washing before I get in the baths. Anyway, I'm going to start off easy, and work it up from there.

I can finally say that I'm enjoying teaching quite a lot these days. It became much different after the department started using the new textbook, and now they're letting me use two other textbooks I picked out for the other classes. Maybe they'd just been waiting for someone like me to show up and get the ball rolling on the textbook thing--I dunno! Besides that, some of the students and I have grow closer, and they brighten my world every day. That being said, I've accomplished a mission; I set out here to Japan to see if I wanted to become a teacher, and now I think I would like to become a teacher. Not necessarily an English teacher on Kyushu Island though... let's wait and see what the future could possibly have in store...!

I hope I've distracted you thoroughly for a few minutes. And now that you've been distracted, you have all the energy you need to go back to your work becoming like your favorite teacher.

Week in Review

Glad to see you!
Who, me? Yes, I am still alive and breathing.

Here's what I've been doing recently:

-Last Sunday went to an Aikido seminar with Suganuma Sensei in Fukuoka City. Had zenzai(sweet red beans and sticky rice balls) with the Aikido gang to break in the start of a new year practicing. Drank too much sake. Had too much fun...

-Monday treated myself to dinner at Momo's. Korean chijimi pancakes and "ethnic-style" tofu salad. Studied kanji. Bathed at the public bathhouse.

-Tuesday teaching my private students at night. After, grocery shopping at "Marumiya" market.

-Wednesday made nabe(lots of boiled Japanese vegetables and fish other things in a pot) for lunch and dinner. Extra hour after Aikido class practicing with Awesome Guy. He's starting to acquire a small following!

-Thursday did some violining after long hiatus. At night sushi and sashimi out with the other foreign teachers in the area. I had flounder and horse mackerel and something called konoshira. It was fantastaliscious. After, laundry.

-Tonight Erica made dinner at her house and we watched Broken Flowers with Bill Murray, who joined us for pasta at the last minute.

-Work tomorrow in Kumamoto. Going to watch students I coached compete in a recitation contest. Back to Tamana to listen to the music students from the school give recitals.

-Work Sunday as a test monitor for the school. Sunday night teaching private lessons.

I hope you did some great things this week. Good night! I want to write some more soon!!

Sharing Dreams

It occurred to me that when Martin Luther King Jr. made his famous speech, that his driving motivation, his consuming obsession, and his absolute faith, came from something as simple as having a dream.

If I could be moderately as enthusiastic in creating, designing, and pursuing my dreams, no matter how big or small, if I'd succeed or fail, I'm sure I could achieve miracles. Dr. King's courage to stand in the face of ferocious fears and wicked horrors, and speak his from his soul, giving hundreds of thousands of people strength and hope, is the kind of miracle I'm talking about. He moved the nation with only his voice.

With that in mind, I'll continue working more and more towards carrying what large and small struggles I can "on the high plane of dignity and discipline." I am one of many who could find such inspiration from his example.

Dr. King's dream shows the power of vision. If only we could all dream as fully. I'm doing my best. I'm working now to remember, discover, and create my own dreams. They are not glorious, righteous, or visionary as his dreams were, but I can hope that they will one day be as pressing and pertinent to me and my little part of the world as his were to his country and his people.

To be able to be inspired by such a wonderful and brave soul is certainly anybody's honor. And that we have such a soul etched in the books as part of America's history makes me feel proud of my heritage as an American. I want to try to find my dreams and make them become realized, just as he did, and is still doing through his work's reverberations.

Finally, I want to thank the friend who sent me the speech today, because although, as he pointed out, it was given before we were even born, it's as moving and important now as it ever was, don't you think?

A trip down aisle 1

Ah, the Japanese grocery store. Here, we can see Japanese mushrooms(enoki, eringi, bunashimeji) and okra, tofu, and different kinds of soy sauce. How many kinds of soy sauce can you see? How many kinds does your market carry? Did you notice the prices: the mushrooms and okra are 100yen(just under $1), the tofu is 38yen(about 35cents), and the soy sauce varies from about 198yen-1550yen(about $2-$15)!

Planting Resolutions

So it takes me a few days to get back into the swing of things after a long trip. I don't apologize for not writing while I was on vacation, but I do apologize for having written sooner in the six days since I've been back here. I'm sor-ry.

The trip itself was wonderful. I achieved my goals of getting some quality time with most of the family and closest friend in PA, and also some r&r. In CO, I was able to go to the Aikido seminar put on in Boulder, and do some training on top of that, all of which were excellent experiences for me. I got to have that shiny-happy feeling a lot this time around, due to being able to catch up with many of the people I'd been missing since the summer. I also got two solid days to reflect on my future goals, something which I'd been really looking forward to.

What's come of that is, I've made some resolutions for the year. First resolution: to learn 500 kanji this year. Second: I resolve to decide if I'll stay in Japan longer _before_ my contract is up in late March. Third: I resolve to create a goal about my current relationship. I think it's along the lines of--for as long as I choose to be in relationship with my boyfriend, I will be the best girlfriend I can possibly imagine to be. That resolution needs more clarification, though.

The battery's about to run out on my computer, as I'm sitting in my bed where the heater can keep me warm, so I'd better go ahead and publish.

Let me say just one more thing. It was an extreme joy to spend time with my brother in CO. Every day my love for him grows. Is it possible for love to grow?