Hey, a couple of hours after writing that post things aren't looking so down.
It's probably okay that I'm not that excited about what I said I would do. I somehow wanted to do some sort of amazing job, but it's occurred to me that it will be okay if I just do fine, as long as I put some sort of decent effort into it.
I don't think the speech is such a big deal either. As soon as I think up a topic I can identify more easily with, I'll write it, because the theme that was picked for the speeches seemed really broad to me, and somehow rubbed me the wrong way.
Huh. What seemed so important to write about earlier today doesn't seem so important now. Go figure. (^~^)b
I tell of my day-to-day experiences in a funky Japanese town from my American viewpoint. This blog could also be called 'Bizarro World', 'Notes From Kyushu, a Smaller Island', or 'Teaching English in Japan: Smash Your Ego in 10 Easy Lessons."
I tell of my day-to-day experiences in a funky Japanese town from my American viewpoint. This blog could also be called 'Bizarro World', 'Notes From Kyushu, a Smaller Island', or 'Teaching English in Japan: Smash Your Ego in 10 Easy Lessons."
Monday, September 29, 2008
Finally something, if only rain
I've been waiting and my day still hasn't come. Sometimes it does that and I can't predict when it will arrive. Sometimes I completely skip it. I don't like it when that happens. Sure, that saves discomfort and hassle, but I like when it's on time because it helps me keep track of my moods. When I don't get it(two weeks late) I don't know what to expect. I usually feel cloudy and zapped for energy, like today.
I'm considering telling them that I don't want to participate in the speech presentation this weekend. I don't have a damn topic, and I hate the topic of 'Your Life in Japan.' For freak's sake, that's like saying 'write about the past 4 years of your life.' And I'm tired of talking about all the differences in the cultures. I'm tired of talking about the similarities even. I just want to be left alone, to tell you the truth. I don't want to be constantly reminded that I am a foreigner. I don't know what difference it makes. I just want to live in peace, without being reminded (again) how different I am.
And I'm also having trouble looking forward to the cultural classes I was asked to teach(volunteer for) this and next week. I did it because someone asked me to. I had wanted to volunteer (finally) at the orphanage to tell you the truth! I don't want to talk about Colorado again and explain why English is important. I didn't even grow up in Colorado! I don't even care that much about Colorado or even about English!!
I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed that a plague had killed 6 people in Texas, and many people thought it was the beginning of the plague that was going to wipe out humankind. I hoped that because Jmom, Jdad, and I lived so far from Texas that we'd be safe. I woke up, washed my face, went to the bathroom and looked at the clock. It was 4am. I swear I will never eat chocolate cake before bed again. Every time I totally have nightmares.
Earlier this year I formed a crush on one of my good friends. I really, really liked him, but as much as I could see, he was totally blind to it. You know what, it was okay with me. I just had to deal with the fact that he wasn't going to reciprocate, and then we could be around each other as much as I liked (^u^). It was so great. He inspired my Japanese study so much, because he himself was on fire about Japanese. And he had a billion friends, and when we all got together those were some of the best times of my life. Well, I--courageously--did have a friend of mine finally tell him, two weeks before he left Japan. Turns out he wasn't into me after all, but he liked another of our mutual friends. Whatever. It was still amazing.
Right now I don't have much more to say, except that it's raining here, and it's been raining all day.
I'm considering telling them that I don't want to participate in the speech presentation this weekend. I don't have a damn topic, and I hate the topic of 'Your Life in Japan.' For freak's sake, that's like saying 'write about the past 4 years of your life.' And I'm tired of talking about all the differences in the cultures. I'm tired of talking about the similarities even. I just want to be left alone, to tell you the truth. I don't want to be constantly reminded that I am a foreigner. I don't know what difference it makes. I just want to live in peace, without being reminded (again) how different I am.
And I'm also having trouble looking forward to the cultural classes I was asked to teach(volunteer for) this and next week. I did it because someone asked me to. I had wanted to volunteer (finally) at the orphanage to tell you the truth! I don't want to talk about Colorado again and explain why English is important. I didn't even grow up in Colorado! I don't even care that much about Colorado or even about English!!
I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed that a plague had killed 6 people in Texas, and many people thought it was the beginning of the plague that was going to wipe out humankind. I hoped that because Jmom, Jdad, and I lived so far from Texas that we'd be safe. I woke up, washed my face, went to the bathroom and looked at the clock. It was 4am. I swear I will never eat chocolate cake before bed again. Every time I totally have nightmares.
Earlier this year I formed a crush on one of my good friends. I really, really liked him, but as much as I could see, he was totally blind to it. You know what, it was okay with me. I just had to deal with the fact that he wasn't going to reciprocate, and then we could be around each other as much as I liked (^u^). It was so great. He inspired my Japanese study so much, because he himself was on fire about Japanese. And he had a billion friends, and when we all got together those were some of the best times of my life. Well, I--courageously--did have a friend of mine finally tell him, two weeks before he left Japan. Turns out he wasn't into me after all, but he liked another of our mutual friends. Whatever. It was still amazing.