If you throw yourself a rope, who is pulling whom?

I had really wanted to go to practice tonight in the city, but I feel terrible. To clarify, there's nothing wrong with me physically. I had wanted to go, I'd had enough time to get there, but I just couldn't bring myself to get in the car and go somehow. The same thing happened last Friday, which makes me feel worse. Friday's Aikido class is really the only day we have enough time to break things down and work on forms and other things slowly, as well as goof around and have fun with each other after class. I feel so sad that I am sitting here now and not over there. What a sucky sort of thing to say, that I'd rather be somewhere other than where I am. Can we ever find happiness by saying such things?

And what am I doing instead of being there? Nothing. I've just been sitting on my bed, staring at nothing. I decided to go to sleep at 7pm. If I had left then, I could've done class. But I went to sleep and woke up groggy and tired. It reeks of depression. I find this embarrasing to write about, especially because I feel I could have prevented it. I've been feeling occasionally understimulated and sad since my friend left a week and a half ago and my family left about 3 weeks ago. (The two packages of crackers and juice for dinner certainly didn't help my mood either, but...) Somehow, I didn't move fast or skilfully enough tonight, and I let my feelings of apathy overtake the power of action. If I had caught on to what was happening sooner I'd have forced myself out of the house and I would've probably been fine.

So, the only thing I could think to do that I thought would help was to write all this down here. And somehow, it does seem to be making me feel better. I think I'll do something to take care of myself now, go for a walk or go get some different food. I suppose I just needed a little perspective. Situations such as these, where I need a rope, are becoming rarer. Maybe if I save up all those ropes I'll have one to throw in case someone else needs one. Maybe Regis will call me.


By the way, I have a few days left to finish up '30 days early,' and I want to be sure to do that properly.
I'll begin again on Monday, and finish up June with minutes to spare!!

Money For Nothing

Interesting development: I went to check out another Aikido teacher. Seeing as I'm so contented under the guidance of Sakabe Sensei, you might wonder why I would wander off to have a lesson under a different teacher.

Well, even within Aikido, just like so much else, there are politics. Since the founder Ueshiba O'Sensei died some 38 years ago, what we know as 'Aikido' today is mainly the Aikido that was spread and developed 'for the masses' by O'Sensei's son. As well, there were other teachers, such as Sunadomari Sensei, who created his own schools of practice, even before Ueshiba O'Sensei's son had made these developments. Sunadomari Sensei is known as a 'prewar' student, one who studied with the founder primarily before World War II. When I saw Sakabe Sensei's class for the first time, it looked different from the Aikido I had seen before, and this explains why.

The politics extend further--Sunadomari Sensei is Sakabe Sensei's teacher, and Sunadomari Sensei is the head of the Honbu(headquarters) dojo in Kumamoto City. It's the largest dojo under this school, the Aiki Manseido Aikido schools. Some time ago, however, Sunadomari Sensei decided to call his style 'Manseido,' or some variation of that which did not include the term Aikido. He told his students that this new art was not to be called 'Aikido' anymore, and that if they wanted to call what they were doing 'Aikido' they would have to go off and form their own group.

So that's what Sakabe Sensei did, ten years ago. He broke off, formed his own group called Aishinkan Aikido, and gathered a following. Then, after a few years had passed, for reasons unknown, Sunadomari Sensei changed the name again to 'Aiki Manseido Aikido,' and began to call the art 'Aikido' again. Sakabe Sensei, I gather, didn't know what to do, so he remained separate, and continued the Aishinkan schools he had started. And here we are today.

But after the demonstration last month in Kumamoto City put on by the Manseido schools, I got a phone call from a man named Honda, a 7th dan teacher at the Honbu dojo telling me that he was starting a class in Tamana. He asked me if I wanted to join, not knowing that I was already training at Aishinkan, so it was a hard call for me. I had to consult my 'inner resources' to reach the conclusion to go and try it out.

When I did go, two weeks ago, I had a fine time; nothing particularly mind-blowing or different from Furu-san's Tuesday night beginner's class. Therefore, I figured my best bet would be to ask Sakabe Sensei if it would be all right to go to Honbu dojo itself so I could learn more about Manseido and, therefore, also Aishinkan. Luckily, and with the help of my good friend translating, I did get that permission.

Here's the money: I got a call from Honda Sensei again tonight. Because his class is full of beginners and there is no one advanced enough to take falls or execute throws, he asked me if I would come back to help him. He wants me to be his uke, his assistant in the demonstrations, and in exchange, he's offered me membership into the Aiki Manseido Aikido schools for free. That's serious money for nothing. Having received the OK from Sakabe Sensei to do as I please, I said yes to Honda Sensei, and begin my 'uke-ship' on Wednesday. It's feels like a break for me--I'm kind of excited already. I'm sure I'll learn a lot too.

BTW, I know I really like talking about the Aikido stuff, but there are a couple of other things I want to share. I wanted Linda to know that I'm thinking of her and sending my love, and thanks to Susan for giving me a square kick in the behind, love to Dad on this day after Father's Day, and thanks again to my friend J who helped me so much when he was here. I'm really glad you could make it finally again, even under the circumstances. (And blu, please start blogging again!)

Very, very sorrying now but, good night. :-)

The End of Act Three

Highly moved by requests received in the long time since we have met here, I'd like to open a new page on the journey into the face of Japan, currently, and in my life. Thank you for being patient while I was silent, and also for reminding me that whether I'm aware of it or not, this writing has significance in people's lives.

When we did last chat, life was beginning to pick up in speed. My trip to Yakushima, the island of emerald green forests and crystal clear waters, had come to an end and, having discovered a force of mystical proportions drawing me towards Sakabe Sensei, we wondered what would lay in the future. The time for waffling on the decision to stay or go was getting shorter and shorter...

Then, just a couple of weeks after, the impossible happened. My mom actually got onto a plane and came out to Japan to see me. I remember the time when she told me that she would never come, that she didn't really have much interest in seeing Japan, that it would be tough dealing with the flight and the jet lag, and wouldn't I be coming home soon anyway??

It helped that my brother came along. That was really nice and wonderful because I don't know if mom would have come otherwise. And so, we spent a week tromping about on this old island.

I pushed them through a pretty full schedule because people usually respond to high expectations, especially if they know it will be worth it all in the end. We went to the castle in Kumamoto, explored the shopping district, and ate green tea ice cream following a walk through Tamana's Iris Festival down at the canal. In the middle of the week, I drove us in my friend Etsuko's van to Aso, the heart of the firelands which is the heart of the island of Kyushu. We dined the old fashioned way, our table being the grill, our food covered with sweet miso paste.

On the last full day of our adventures, we met Furu-san in the morning, and he drove us out to meet Sensei in the city. The place he took us to meet could be the subject of a whole other post. It was an immensely huge warehouse filled with collectibles in every category, so much that they were literally spilling out of the place. From top to bottom, neatly cramped in were clothes, cards(anime, baseball, soccer, postcards, playing cards, etc.), stuffed animals(big, small, anime, realistic, movie-themed, food themed, etc.), miniatures(dolls, foods, action figures, etc.) records, etc., etc. And et cetera--you get the picture. Entirely ridiculous, as, in my experience, only Japanese have orchestrated to such an extent.

Sakabe Sensei was a little late, so we got time to browse the goods. Left our mouths watering, my brother's especially, as soon as he noticed the old and highly bizarre record collection. I, of course, got caught in the miniatures section. I couldn't stop looking at all the mini Japanese food. There were boxed lunches, king crabs from Hokkaido, the northern island, and chestnuts from our very own Kumamoto. I peeled my eyes off the mini box of monkey bananas and collected my brother from the back shelves as Furu-san called us to go.

Sensei drove us all the way down south to the Amakusa Islands, where he was born. We drove over the five famed 'Bridges of Amakusa.' We stop to look out on the fog, in the direction of Nagasaki and also China at several points along the way. We had seafood for lunch, an Amakusa speciality. I was surprised and pleased at my mother's bravery in trying the local cuisine. (An interesting point to note is that I translated the entire day, with additions by Furu-san every now and then when he could think of the English word for something. It was my first real time translating for two parties, and I was wrecked at the end, although my family says I did a fine job. I gained a new respect for what translators must go through to empty themselves of their own thoughts and be open to the interpretation of others at any given moment.)



The culmination of the trip, in my mind, was to accompany my mother back to her hotel and wish her good night from my heart, and go off to talk with my brother for several hours. If, aside from enlightenment, the next most precious gift to the spirit is relationship, then my spirit was surely bright after that night talking together. My brother, both of my brothers, in fact, are incredibly sensitive human beings, just as we all seem to be when it comes down to it. But to be able to have the slightest glimpse of his vulnerabilities and recollections of (unextinguishable!) dreams, there was no place that I felt I wanted to be than right there with my family near.

There are so many details I'm leaving out. Feel free to call me on any of them, okay bro or mom?

Thank you, you guys, for a great trip together and for enduring a long travel to get to this part of the world. To Mom, you've supported me in my life here and helped me to get through challenging times, and that you could finally end up seeing some of these things for yourself was delightful for me. You're great at bowing too, but you already know that. Jay, I get the feeling you are about to launch any day. Store up on fuel in the meantime, right? Talk to you soon.

And gratitude to those people who asked me(more than once) to keep on blogging. Please enjoy the fourth act. And my love and best to you.