Quick, bash me into your chest!

One of several of the warm-up exercises in this Judo school is to bash your partner into your chest twenty times. This is achieved by heaving the person's body into yours. The impact is further strengthened by a lurch back, followed by a step forward and a mock leg-sweep, at the same time jutting your upper body outward as you pull in. In effect, it shifts the person's weight back and forth, so they never really stand balanced, and creates quite an impact.
Then you switch and they bash you for a while. I think I've got to build up more resistence in the, uhh, chest. They bash me twenty times before I can blink, and then it's my turn and I turn out about five half-bashes before it's time to switch again.
I'm loving this. Somehow, it appeals to my feminine nature.
Really, though, I think it is going to be a great way to create a good relationship with the kids, and it's good for me to feel useful, even if it's only as a sack of potatoes for now. Come to think of it, my job is an awful lot like being a sack of potatoes anyway. At least now, I'm a Useful Sack of Potatoes.

Judo all the way, baby

Check it out--Judo is fun!!
The old sensei is a kind man, who speaks some sort of 'Arao Old-Man' dialect. He's twice as incomprehensible as anyone else, but twice as fun to listen to. He talked directly to me the whole class, with the other students lazing around like some Roman emperors on vacation. Somehow though, it's easier to understand someone who doesn't care if you understand them. People like that seem to want to fill the space with words. It's not a defense, the words aren't important. It's more the feeling of having someone listen and pay attention, just a way to connect with others.
Anyway, it really wasn't important if I understood because he had the kids demonstrate everything for me.
One of the eighth-graders, Ryo Kikukawa, ('Kikukawa-kun', quite a mouthful--'kun' is attached to the last name of most of the boy students to convey a sense of endearment) was ordered to take me under his wing. Kikukawa-kun is the skinny kid with big brown eyes and big lips, the one who everyone likes to throw because he's light as a feather, but he has reasonable skill, and so he was chosen to assist me. I kid you not, he showed me like twenty throws. Then he was like, 'uhh, now you do it.' I repeated the twenty techniques in order, flawlessly.
I like Judo because it makes me look good. It's graceful, and easy. I like Judo because I can do it just as well as the smiling, pudgy seventh grader, who gets pounded every time. I like Judo because I have no fear of learning new things.
(That whole last part was just to encourage me.)
stay tuned...

Two things

Looked into the orchestras in Fukuoka and Kumamoto City again. Moving to Fukuoka would have a lot of advantages, the first one being I could probably play with an orchestra.
I thought that trying life here, not as a JET, might be an exciting possibility. It's some sort of crazy dream that will only make my mother worry but, as long as I'm already here, it's kind of fun to play with all those possibilities.
It all depends on two things...

The first is what I do, and the second is what happens after that, hee hee

most likely will come home in july

night night

diagnosis/cadet-in-training

I went to the doctor again last Tuesday. Mostly coughing, but pretty heavy, consisent coughing, with varying amounts and colors of phlegm(no blood). I decreased to two pack of Marlboros per day, but alas, the doctor's diagnosis: bronchitis.

He gave me four kinds of tablets to take along with some mysterious patches to be worn on the chest. I took the tablets, and although I felt like a dried out old sponge, I have to say that my health did seem to improve after finishing the three day dosage. So, bravely, I decided to try one of the patches, cautiously heeding the doctor's words to remove the patch if I felt my heart rate increase. I left the patch on for a half hour, not knowing what it was actually meant to do, hoping it was meant to suck up all the evil causing my ailment, being careful to note any irregular changes.

Having not sucked up the evil, I took it off and immediately afterward it basically increased my heart rate--like, phenominally. Including the fact that I got 2001 things done in a period of less than two hours, the whole experience would have been spectacular, except it also caused me to get asthma that is currently, in Japan, preventing me from sleeping--like, phenominally.


In other news:

I'm getting used to life at the new new old school, Arao #1 Middle School, which could be called Arao Public Military Academy. My job, while not sitting at my desk, is to assist English teachers by standing with my hands behind my back, posture perfectly aligned, ready to move in an instant should a student misspell a word or rest his or her head on his or her hand.
Secretly, I enjoy my new position as imaginary Assistant Company Leader Cadet-in-Training Julie Sensei.

Somehow, my life has been quite simplified this year, and it's taken many, many months for me to begin to enjoy the solitude. Reminds me of that classic YES hit we all know and love, 'Owner of A Lonely Heart.' It's even more moving while singing it karaoke. Trust me on this one.

http://yesworld.com/lyrics/90125.html#1

Dancing Mushrooms (without drugs)

I have really grown to love the catchy tune that plays in the produce section of Daiei supermarket. Gosh, it's something about lively mushrooms. There is also a TV monitor with a little video that accompanies the song, right over the mushroom section. The video shows a cartoon Japanese eringi mushroom dancing around. Sometimes there are other vegetables dancing too, but the mushroom really steals the show.
Why don't we have dancing mushrooms that sing in America? I've always wondered that.

a simple question

If you knew what you wanted, could you make it your life?
What if it was money? Would you give your life's time for that?
What if you could make money by forming relationships with people, and those people would then support you by buying your 'product'?

To decide what you want, what your 'job is in life', is so difficult that I think many people don't do it out of fear they'll pick the wrong thing. Unfortunately, indecision doesn't stop us from aging.

Devoting your life to one thing means giving up the other things, no longer caring about them. How do we do that?
Only by conscious choice. And unaltering concentration.

So what do you want?

Me: Specialist, Japanese Baby Crying Tendencies

I noticed that Japanese babies tend to be unusually quiet. So, I've been thinking about why they generally don't seem to cry as much all the babies I've ever known in my entire American life.
Here's what I came up with: babies cry when they need something, right? Well, Japanese babies seem to need a lot less of something, I wisely deduced.
So, I secretly watched, when I went to Joy-full Family Restaurant, to see what it was that Japanese babies don't need. I watched(possibly on two or even three exhausting excursions), how Japanese mothers handle their sweet joy bundles. Here's what my observations have uncovered: the moms and the families(around here they frequently live under one roof) seem to be doing something we in the west might call unthinkable: they don't pay gobs of attention to their infant. In fact, if the baby is crying the family doesn't necessarily notice for some time, mom included. Or, perhaps they do notice, but they don't react immediately or at all. Then, the baby may or may not stop crying, to the nonreaction of the family.
These observations have led me to believe that Japanese babies learn to not need as much attention as American babies, or American people, for that matter. Not that it's a bad thing, but doesn't it seem that attention is the fuel of many Americans? In America, being different often merits special treatment, positive or negative. But, who wants to stick out here? Perhaps one of the most well-known Japanese sayings is: "The nail that sticks out is hammered back in."
Babies here are taught not to stick out from the beginning. And that's why I think the babies don't cry as much, they are taught that yearning for attention through crying won't get them much more than a sore throat and a wet pillow.
I'm not saying I think these Japanese mothers are bad mothers, just that they are raising children with different expectations. And it works here!

Bunny bowl in Arita

Bunny bowl
Originally uploaded by jetblossom.

Boy, did I burn to buy bundles of bunny bowls beautifully brushed, backgrounded in blue.

Yet, my hopes of 'rabbit relics' were dashedly crushed upon catching sight of some bunny doo-doo.

Ho, whoah, what seemed to be dirt turned out was really a cottontailed price!
Believe you me now, I set it back down on the table, without thinking twice.

Then I thought twice and I raised it again,
and snapped this quick photo of bunny heaven.

A muscular high school boy is choking a smiling, pudgy 7th grader.

The kid is a big marshmallow, his face bright red, and the older boy is built like a brick tower. The 7th grader's cheeks are so rosy and shiny, his hands so round and plump, they're adorable, really. He knows how to use them too. He taps out innumerable times in three minutes.

After the buzzer they switch partners. Now the boy with the rosy cheeks is getting pounded on by a 9th grader who out-ranks him and could possibly outweigh him too, although it isn't clear.
This 9th grader could be teaching the fatter boy anger. He beats him to the point where the boy cries, then the 9th grader laughs at him. He lets go of the boy's twisted uniform and the boy stops crying. They both stand up and do the same thing again: three times. At last, the boys wails are embarrassingly high-pitched. The buzzer goes off and they move on, the boy, having not learned anger, smiles unaffectedly and looks at his next opponent with hope.

There's another boy on the other side of the mat over here--he's been flat on the mat by himself for about 10 minutes now, just holding his head with his hand. He may have gotten a concussion or something but I don't wanna go over to check it out. With his free hand he keeps reaching into his pants and scratching himself.

The judo coach, whose aura approaches faded gray, probably doesn't notice these boyish games to much. He's having himself a nice long look out the window right now. Doesn't say much to the kids.
This team of would-be mammoths has taken his silent advice to heart: at their last match, five of the seven who attended lost in the first round. The two who won went on to lose in the second round.

This guy here, close to me, wrestling with the tall, dark-skinned, long-foreheaded kid is the team captain. His name's Yamaguchi or something close. He's got some natural wrestling ability and he quite enjoys being loud and merciless. He's the one who made the kid wail earlier.

Oh, the kid with the concussion just sat up. Yamaguchi is going to him. He asks him 'Doshita?(What's the matter?)'. The kid gestures to his neck. Yamaguchi gives him a confident nod and his hands softly seize the kid's head. He bends the kid forward, stretching his neck, encompassing it into a headlock, his body sending pressure into the kid's bend. He releases and the kid sighs with relief. Instantly, his hand is on the kid's chin and he quickly pushes it back the other way, so the kid's looking over and past the ceiling. Then he forcefully rolls the kid's head around, but the kid doesn't seem to be crying or convulsing or anything, so Yamaguchi is now a genius to me. The kid smiles and the buzzer rings. Yamaguchi grabs him by the arm and violently sweeps his leg from under him. 'Yosssh!!!,' he yells. They happily tumble until the kid with the concussion has been pinned several more times.

The match is over. They're taking a little break, and suddenly Yamaguchi jumps on a quiet, docile kid(--a decent kid, told me that he secretly prefers science to English--)'s back and makes the kid run two circles around the ring. The rest of the kids follow stride and jump up on a friend's back for a piggyback romp 'round the ring.

They're going to close class as usual. They do finger-flicking, arm bending and trunk-twisting warmdowns to the unenthusiatic count of 1 to 10, as the teenage boys handoff the count to each other. 'Ichi' to 'ju', I should say.

At the very end, we all line up to end class. I sit in front facing the students, along with the highest ranks, just because I am a teacher in the school. We bow out and I go to gather my things as the whithered coach sneaks into the well-lighted corner to change his clothes. Not that I meant to notice, but he wears tidy whiteys.

At the Hairdresser

I got a haircut today. It involved a glorious 15-minute shampoo/scalp massage, complete with temple-massaging, the works. The cut was good, tapered and razor cut, a la Japanese style.
Afterwards, it took two other people, simultaneously, to blow my hair dry. This was the regular cut for 3990 yen(about $38). No tip required.

The new schedule's out for next week's elementary school. Six class periods in the day, all grade levels, all abilities, two classes combined in each period. And I told them I'd accept it as is, with a smile.

This culture has genuinely broken me.

And so I'll start by offering it back a simple smile.

The pottery festival was nearly two miles of streets lined with stores. There was hand-painted porcelin, hand-thrown vases, and stacks of dishes and cups priced so cheaply it would put Pier One to shame. The town is called Arita, and if you Google it, you'd probably find out that it's one of the largest pottery festivals in the world.
I just returned from a few days of pottery heaven. It was a fun trip, and although I am a bit poorer for it, I came back with a few unique stare-worthy pieces to occupy the mind.

But I know people are probably wondering about that inigmatic phrase I left a couple of blogs ago. I said I was reconsidering my decision to stay. Here's the conclusion:
I told the Board of Education in a meeting last week that I wanted to return home in July, that I would not stay another year.
It was a great combination of things that changed my mind, including one very sincere phone call from my dad. Honestly, though, I was just driving my car to Aikido practice one day, a few weeks ago and I just decided. It sort of came to me. And since that time, I haven't waivered. I'm coming home in July.

Hi Ho!
I'll be gone tomorrow and Wednesday. I'm going to a pottery festival in Saga Prefecture, north of Nagasaki. Catch up with you after!

Meeting Doshu

It's been a little while since I've blogged. A lot has happened in that short time. I've had some time to really reconsider my decision to stay. More on that to come.

And, I'd been preparing for the Aikido Demonstration today. Today was the 35th Anniversary since Suganuma Shihan(9th dan, Fukuoka) established an Aikido Dojo on Kyushu Island. So, there was a demonstration planned for the event.

I wasn't told even that much when I signed up to participate in the demonstration. I didn't know what it was for, or who would be attending. I just thought it would be a good thing to do, to participate in an Aikido demonstration with my dojo, the Kumamoto dojo.

We spent the past couple of weeks preparing in class. My group had two minutes to present a demo. Me and my partner had exactly 40 seconds. But that wasn't the biggest surprise. The biggest surprise was that Doshu would be watching.

Who is Doshu? For those who practice Aikido, there is an automatic response. He is the grandson of the founder of Aikido, the current head of the largest Aikido Association in the world. His name is Moriteru Ueshiba. He's sorta the head honcho of Aikido to many people. I had no idea he would be there. I had no idea I would meet him. After our group performed, we exited the stage and headed out to watch the demos after ours. There were innumerable 6th dans presenting, and I counted at least five 7th dans(7th degree blackbelts).

Then Suganuma Shihan presented. Then Doshu presented. Their presentations were quite enlightening; I won't try to describe them.

At the party afterwards, we all had fun eating and drinking. There were about 1000 people at the demo, and maybe 300 or 400 people at the party. Our dojo had a picture taken with Suganuma and Doshu. Then, thankfully, a couple of slightly drunk people from my dojo pushed me up to Doshu to shake his hand and get his *autograph*! Suganuma Shihan, being also renowned for his accomplishments, was kind enough to give me a signature too.(Honestly, I think signatures are a bit strange to keep, but I'm glad to have them all the same.)

I rode the bus home with my dojo brimming with joy. I'd met Suganuma Shihan before, so I knew his greatness of presence. At first, though, Doshu didn't seem to have a large presence at first, but seeing his eyes changed my mind. They were light brown, and had a shimmer to them. The shimmer looked like joy to me, and I imagine it might've come down the blood line from his grandfather.

I don't know what to say. It was a dream come true for me on this day, once again in my life.

Anything more you'd like to know about that?

Giving Up, Letting Go, and Cause and Effect

In response to a comment about the Dalai Lama blog, I thought I'd explain a little more what I meant about 'giving up', 'letting go', and 'cause and effect'.

I used to think that the harder I tried to do something, the easier it would be.
So I thought one must try hard, but really that just makes effort more difficult(like studying for hours without remembering anything, getting frustrated).
When I felt like I was 'giving up', I meant giving up trying so hard, and instead just dropping the load and walking without it--in other words, trusting whatever might happen if I wasn't so 'prepared' for a future I couldn't seem to predict. Time and time again I got disillusioned by my experiences teaching here. Reality just so rarely turned out as I'd planned so, so hard for!! So I gave up stressing myself out about the reality that only existed in my mind. So that's what I meant by 'giving up' before.

At the lecture, again I stopped trying so hard to understand(i.e., I didn't take notes or think too much while the speech was going on). I took it all as it came, moment to moment, even if I didn't understand a word or concept here or there. Afterwards, I came out feeling that I understood some kind of larger picture that the Dalai Lama was painting.
I could relate his discourse on karma(a.k.a 'cause and effect') to my expectations and disillusionment, and opening to the reality of living without knowing the future. That's what I was talking about when I said 'letting go', and how it was a little different from 'giving up'.

When I said 'cause and effect' I meant it literally, i.e., dropping a ball and it hitting the ground, practicing something and getting more skilled at it, or even having an angry feeling and that feeling creating stress, and so on. Usually, science talks about cause and effect in only the physical or chemical senses, but I think Buddhism talks about it in the physical, chemical, perceptual, and subtle(imperceptual) senses too.
As everyone knows, things change constantly, whether the change is visible or not. All those changes are reliant on previously existing conditions. They are dependent on things coming together in a certain way, all dependent on previous states.
Therefore, I said I thought my view of 'cause and effect' had seemed to mature because I felt more that I was living by it. It's awfully relaxing to see things through this view(viewing change and previous conditions as beyond control), and just deal with things when they come up.
Here's my aspiration: not to try to do many things at once, just take care of each thing as it comes up.

Mountain of Statues, Koyasan, south of Osaka

Mountain of Statues, Koyasan, south of Osaka
Originally uploaded by jetblossom.

A pic from Jay and my trip. I can't figure out how to attach pics to old blogs, or attach pics to blogs written using Blogger instead of 'flickr'. Blogger has more posting options.


thanks to my Uncle Larry for this link explaining the significance of the statues: http://www.thevisualrecord.com/dbphotopages/photopage.php?photo_id=44

The Dalai Lama's Speech

It was wonderful!!

At first, there was no English translation available, which I suspected might be the case. I was there with Etsuko, Hiro, and a friend, Nishida Sensei. Etsuko kindly wanted to translate, but she didn't know a lot of the religious terminology, so after a while, we gave up and I just sat and listened to HH's(His Holiness') contented voice.
About a half hour into the speech, and after accumulating a nice sunburn on my face, we, the crowd, were informed that there was a tent being set up in the back where a Tibetan monk would be translating the speech into English.
Quietly weaving my way towards the back, through the 5500 people in attendance, I found my way to the tent and joined 15 or so foreigners there. The translator monk's English was crystal clear, and his mastery of the subtleties of the religious terminology made his translation utterly understandable. (BTW:I made a mistake before. HH didn't speak about wisdom and compassion; he spoke on karma.)

The Dalai Lama's speech very, very concise. He used technical Buddhist terms(like dependent co-arising, emptiness of self, the five aggregates, etc.) to talk very specifically about views on karma. Without having studying that terminology previously, I think it would be impossible for most people to understand his speech.
Afterward, Etsuko told me she and Nishida Sensei didn't understand much of what he was saying at all. For me, having studied the terminology in the past, I was able to relate to most everything he said. So, although I'd hoped to talk about the lecture with them, I was a little disappointed to find that we couldn't talk about it so much.
Therefore, I was very much surprised that when we met up with Hiro to see that he was carrying a notebook filled with notes and comments from the lecture. Hiro is a very straightforward person, but the hidden aspects of his personality continue to surprise and have an effect on me. As it turned out, Hiro had a good understanding of the speech. He had had a great interest in religion when he was in high school. We talked about the speech for several hours at dinner afterwards.

So, what the heck did the old Dalai actually say? Well, it's difficult to sum it all up in a short space, but, mostly he talked about the different ways one might view the meaning of the term karma. He talked about the different schools of thought regarding religion, namely religions with a creator and religions without a creator. He went on to discuss the importance of exploring many different views on the path of realization of 'truth'. He talked about the divisions in the ways of thinking about karma and then he began to focus specifically on the Heart Sutra, that being the text derived from the actual words of the Buddha. He talked about it from two main views of the text: the first being that of things arising from their own side and things arising from the mind of the perceiver that notices them. Within that, he discussed five levels of realization into the nature of cause and effect. These are summed up by the mantra(chant) near the end of the text, GATE GATE PARAGATE PARASAMGATE BODHISVAHA(Gone, Gone, Gone Beyond, Gone Completely Beyond to the Other Shore, Realization!) (this is my memory of the translation, so please take my words lightly!).
He was able to explain the way to practice each of the five levels of realization, and from there talked about the Noble Eight-fold Path, being the methods for attaining understanding the nature of cause and effect
When the hour and a half speech finished, he thanked us for taking time to see him on a workday, and thanked us for listening to him. He carried the jolliness, 'holy' presence, and air of intelligence that he always seems to have, and although he must be around 70 now, he seemed lively and full of humor.

I was surprised at the clarity of my own mind during the talk. When the speech did finish, I didn't feel an extreme high in the same way as I had in the past after hearing such mind-expanding words. Rather, the same feeling I had months ago of giving up manifested in a positive light of 'letting go'. I do think this has come from some kind maturing of my understanding of cause and effect, and I think that living in Japan has contributed a large part to that change.

p.s. I'm sorry if some of my explanations weren't clear. I must have certainly made some mistakes. Hope some of the *experience* comes through!

From my brother Jason in America: Buddhism, Homogeneousness, and other Non Sequitur Thoughts

It has now been nearly one week since I returned from Japan.  After catching up to the speed of life, addressing all that had changed while I was gone (change being all that ever really happens,) and spending a precious few moments in my own domicile, I have a few minutes to write. 
It is something of an honor to write a guest entry for a blog that gains new readers daily (or so the word is on the street,) and I am thankful for the opportunity.  I want to briefly share some of my thoughts regarding the trip with Julie before it begins to shrink in my mental rearview mirror (along with my 30th birthday.)

In addition to being able to post a blog, I am also thankful that I had the opportunity to visit Japan and my sister, who is remarkably living and finding her place there.  I learned a little about that place.  I met her charming friend, Hiro.  I met her English tutor and friend, Etsuko, as well as some of Etsuko's family members and their friends. They were all very kind and helpful throughout our trip. Julie and I discussed many things during our week of travels together, had some good laughs, and rekindled some familiar sibling annoyances.

What else should a good trip be?  As a wise man might have said, had he thought of it, "If left uneaten at room temperature, the ice cream cone will melt."   As it was with our trip - we were determined not to let the trip melt before we ate it. It certainly was full of activity the whole way through. (Actually, we could have just put the ice cream cone in Julie's frigid apartment and it would've kept just fine.  And if you know what any of this has to do with anything, please post the explanation.) I will add that Buddhism has taught me that all life can be related to the various stages in the life cycle of an ice cream cone.

Because Julie speaks some Japanese, because she speaks English fluently, and because she has established some connections there, I was able to see many things I never would have otherwise: a happy-go-lucky child of 6 or 7 smiling at us in a restaurant and innocently referring to us as "gaijin," loosely translated to 'foreigner' but with a distinct hint of "outsider." [From Julie: he shyly said "Konnichiwa," and they blurted out loudly in Japanese: "Are you foreigners?!"]. A traditional home-cooked meal at the traditional home of a friend's mother's house, complete with Japanese museum-style everything, but the aura of an everyday household.  Even a discussion about Buddhism from the inside
with an insider – a rare opportunity, indeed.  Perhaps I will write more on the topic of Buddhism on another day, I have been giving that subject more thought of late.

Another insight on being foreigners: moving through Japan, it felt at times as if we were shadows in a crowd.  A crowd which seemed to be knowingly oblivious to us, as if we were invisible, yet somehow imposing.  I suspect that most Japanese who caught sight of us were keenly aware of our presence.  Japan is a most proper society and we are latecomers to their archetype.  Part of this unique character comes from its homogeneousness, both historically and today.  In fact,
to say that Japan is a homogenous country is a gross understatement. Only in the most risqué sections of Tokyo and at the major tourist attractions in Kyoto did we encounter any significant diversity, and by that I mean any at all.  And by "any at all," I am referring to any people who are not of the Japanese race, living in Japan, and speaking the Japanese langauge.  It's a bit different than being American, where you just have to want to be American enough, and if you have the means, you can do it.  A Japanese can certainly become an American, but an American can never become a Japanese.  Now how did things get that way…But what is this?  A history lesson?  Another blog entry?

Ok, I realize that there are too many ideas for such a short blog, so I will conclude this overview of our trip across Japan before it gets more muddled.  I hope it provokes a thought or two, even if it is sporadic - I wanted to get something out today!  Perhaps I will yield to the motivation to write more in the future…

The Other JT

and now for something completely different

In light of the internet communication from yesterday, #1 Elementary called the Board of Education. This morning my supervisor called me. He said that the Board had a meeting and decided to stress the issue to the schools that I am a support teacher, an assistant teacher, and that I am not in charge of curriculum decisions or the main teachers' responsibilities. They told me to go to the school tomorrow, participate in support of regular classes(with English themes), and report back to them at the end of the day to discuss how it went.

I guess sometimes we complain because we don't know what to do. We hope that if we complain, someone will hear what we need and try to help. Unfortunately, my complaining, I think, has fed a negative mindset.

But if a change is made because someone actually does hear you, you also have to be willing to turn over a new leaf. So if this change really does occur in school tomorrow, I hope it will be the end of my negativity about the elementary school schedule. I think if this issue gets resolved, it'll change my experience here a lot.


In other news, today I will go to see the Dalai Lama give a lecture on Wisdom and Compassion. Hee hee, I think he will speak in Tibetan with a Japanese translator, but we'll see. I wonder if I can still understand any Tibetan. I studied it for about two years back around 1999...
It'll be interesting to these things from my past and present together like that!

homesick2

Last night I dreamed that four big carp were sitting in a bowl of water. One was black, one white, one orange, and one with patches of each. The water barely covered them; in fact, their fat bodies were drying out on the parts that the water wouldn't cover. They heaved heavily when they breathed, and occasionally one jumped as if to escape the bowl. My job in the dream was to find fresh water for them. I asked my mother where I could find water, but she only knew where there was polluted water. I felt that they would die soon without fresh water, but I wasn't able to find any before I woke up...
The feeling I had in this dream was the same feeling that is overshadowing my mind lately. That is, dissatisfaction, frustration, confusion and sadness.
Today I read about the second and often more severe culture shock that many foreign people living in Japan experience. The handbook I read offered several possible coping strategies. I still would like to go home.

almost 4:15

I'm back at the City Hall, in the office of the Board of Education, without a computer.
For the week I was gone there were a lot of changes back here in Arao.
This is a hands-on kind of country, a learn-by-experience type of place. My old nice boss is now the principal of #2 Elementary School. My new nice boss is from Arao Chuou Elementary.
Several teachers that I worked with got transfered to schools in different cities. I inquired about the purpose of this upheaval between the school year. I was told, 'This is the way things are done in Japan. Every teacher must teach in both the country and the city. If they are married, sometimes the couple must live apart for some time until their transfer is up. It can be years...'

Several dozen teachers got their new placements over the past two weeks. Of course, I kept my place, but my desk in the main office was moved to the opposite wall, and my computer was removed for 'community use.' So I'm typing on the 'community use' computer... ;)

Cheers and a shout out to all the people who helped me and my brother with our trip last week: Etsuko, Yoshimi, Naoko, Sakurai and the other Naoko, and Kenji, of course
Special thanks to Yuji for all his help

this is a recording...

this is what my brother and I learned this week: time goes at the speed of life.

a flash and a blur of
Arao
Fukuoka
Osaka
Nara
Wakayama
Kyoto
Tokyo
am I forgetting someplace?

memories

Tokyo
Japanese Beatles impersonators
at that same bar, big women from Kyoto who invited me to stay with them...and I might
Lion, the coffee shop that plays classical music til dawn
my bro, whom I love
Sakurai and Naoko, our gentle hosts and guides
Kenji, the time was too short--we'll host you anytime
(Edo) castle, which is not there any longer
did I do my taxes?
arguing
loving a city for once
airplane
(for a more detailed picture of our time with Sakurai, Naoko and Kenji, check out Kenji's awesome English blog: http://www.hiroken.net/blog/archives/000690.html#more )

Kyoto
running to get to our traditional ryokan 8000yen dinner on time.(we were late and it got cold. oh yeah, and boy, did Jay dislike fish for breakfast!)
the golden pavillion and the Australians we met there, but moreso,
the silver pavillion, where I found some peace amongst the flowers amongst the crowds
blur blur
taking some funny pictures of my brother late at night : )
train

Wakayama
Koyasan--green, beauty, moss, graves, a glimpe of (123) temples, graves, 5-pillared graves, beauty
Yoshimi, our other gentle host and guide
monks and priests
graves
car

Nara
cute deer
5-pillared pagoda
aggressive deer
the Great Big Wooden Buddha(--side note:I see a future blog delving into my relationship with Buddhism, as per my brother's comments that I'm always talking about it. I thought I rarely talked about Buddhism.)
Giant Glorious Temples
mangy deer
Tourists feeding mangy deer
pancake-esque sweets
Yoshimi again
feeling the living collision of old and new
car

Osaka
Umeda Sky Building
the skyline
my brother learning to use his camera...very slowly
the other Naoko, who found us the ryokan in Kyoto
the post office
pizza ball house takoyaki(uhh, 'octopus balls')
talking to Yuji on the phone
yummy crab sushi
Lemon Jelly concert
train

Fukuoka
Fukuoka SoftBankTM Hawks
かった！！they won! yippee!
Jason leaving to use the little gentlemen's room just as the crowd blew up their balloons and let them go
Jason's utter fasination with Jap-English and J-culture
train

Arao
Jay's jeto lago
going to the shrine(the one I placed my previous guests at for a long time. but look at all the beautiful pictures you were able to take..!?)
okonomiyaki(ditto)
dinner with Etsuko, Yuji and Hiro
picking Jay up at the Ooooomuta train station, thinking how handsome he looked

gosh, i was hoping this would turn into some sort of Mimento-type blog. it would go in reverse and then it would all come together at the end here. The blog would make complete sense and be really eery.

oh well, as the Buddha once said, "let it go." Wait, wait, no, it was this band me and Jay saw in, what was is '99? Cowboy Mouth.

In Lieu of My 30th Birthday

Konbonwa!! May I write this blog on you with reading pleasure! To the brain will come with happiness from reading! Yes, I am aware that Julie asked me to write an entry about turning thirty, and I intend to. In fact, I have already started. Despite this auspicious beginning, however, my work has been interrupted by a trip to Japan to visit Julie herself. In fact (a different fact), I am typing this from her computer in Arao, Kyushu, Japan.

We have had a busy schedule so far, not to mention jeto lago, and I don't have much time to write. We are leaving early tomorrow morning for the "traveling" part of the trip, to Osaka, Nara, Kyoto, and Tokyo. I will offer more thoughts when I return to the good old USA, where the jeans don't fit and we don't even know it. And we don't seem to care. At least our unenergetic English makes dreary sense. Now, If I have to eat one more package of Hello Kitty cracker-cookies...I'm sticking to my ol' standbys, favorites like Watering Kissmints and Pocky Men's Chocolate. I prefer to munch on my Crunky Chocolate Walking Bar (Apple flavor) and then freshen up with Xylitol gum (sugarless and "extremely competent for healthy teeth". They also make the ever-popular Colorful-Ru Mint Assort Gum.) Ok, time to go pack before I get inexplicably tired at another inexplicable hour...
the other JT

he goes by 'Jay'

He is not the 'Jason' from all the 'Friday the 13th' movies, even though that's the only Jason anyone around here has heard of!

Well, my brother, after a long journey across the ocean, an overnight stay at the Hotel Chisun in Osaka by himself(Lost in Translation??), and two long train rides, finally made it to Arao. It's his first time in Japan. He speaks (almost) no Japanese.
We ate dinner last night with Etsuko, her son Yuji, and Hiro. It was an assortment of take-out--some sashimi, a shrimp, tuna and squid pizza, barbecued drumsticks, stuffed peppers, potato salad, etc. I enjoyed the evening with them, and I believe Jay did too. I had asked him to talk a little more slowly than usual, and to try not to use slang too much. I think he found trying to do this difficult at first, but soon we found ourselves all together comfortably chatting about this and that. A good time was had by all. : )

Today we've got tickets for the opener game of the Fukuoka Hawks baseball team. I think they're playing the Something Fighters, but the ticket's in kanji, so I can't be 100% sure. We're both looking forward to that experience. After the game, we will potentially visit Sushi Den in Fukuoka for dinner, whose sister restaurant is in Denver, where my brother is from.

Next week we want to go to Osaka, Nara, Kyoto and Tokyo. It's a lot to see and do in a week, but　頑張ってましょ! Ganbattemasho--We can do it!

I'm feeling sort of delighted to see him. Something about being reunited with your own blood, or something like that. A sense of care and joy. : )

Oh yeah, and he assures me, his 'guest blog' is forthcoming.

An earthquake, a ghost, cookies and Wellness Part II, condensed

There was a pretty sizeable earthquake here on Sunday. I'm reminded by my friends to sit down and write about it...
Actually, the earthquake was a 6 on the Richter Scale about two hours north of here in Fukuoka Prefecture. I saw footage on TV of knocked-over office shelves, cracked streets and separated building seams. I didn't hear about any casualties, or, maybe I heard, I just didn't understand.
But down here, in little ol' Arao, it was a just a delightful shudder that lasted about 20 seconds. I was eating lunch at my house with my friend Hiro, and we both looked at each other and then at the book shelves. We had our legs under the kotatsu(knee-high table with a heat-resistant blanket on top and a heater underneath), and he stuck his head under the blanket and started to climb under! I was scared for one moment of the 20 seconds(which I think is really long for an earthquake); it was either going to become very bad, or go away. Poof. It went away. There were 2 long tremors afterward. I was, once again, amazed, and my friend and I, afterwards, laughed and laughed.

The ghost is a good story. Yesterday, I had off because it was Substitute Holiday Day. You may be thinking this is a time when we might show our affections to those dear, hard-working teachers called 'substitutes.' You would be wrong. Substitute Holiday is a day off of work prescribed by the government to fulfill the required 'holidays off per year quota'. I think the timing has something to do with the vernal equinox. There are many things I do not know, but I know I had off yesterday.
After I told Etskuo last month that I would have to move to Kumamoto, she got some bigger news that shadowed mine. Her husband entered the hospital in pain and was diagnosed with intestinal cancer. In the month since, he has had a couple of operations. He is relatively stable, but it is a very uncertain time for him and the family. As a result, I have been able to meet Etsuko's relatives. Her sons and daughter-in-law came in, as did her brother and sister and their significant others. It seems a shame to meet under such circumstances, but it's been nice to see how we all get along so well.
So, all that being said, Etsuko's son Yuji and daughter-in-law Yoshimi asked me along to Yame Village, the place of Etsuko's birth, to visit the tomb of their ancestors. On the equinox in Japan, it is tradition to pay respects to one's dead ancestors.
We drove an hour and a half, and arrived at Etsuko's eldest brother's house. He's the oldest of eight; she's the youngest. He's also a retired school principal/english teacher. He's also also a potter and a gardener and a tea farmer. I met Etsuko's mother then too, 92, tiny as a 7 year-old, and indefatiguable in her recititation of Buddhist texts. When she finally halted, she took us into her room and told us stories and fed us cookies. Those aren't the cookies from the title, though. There's more...
We headed to the Shinto shrine and Etsuko's brother told us about Yame's legend. Three hundred years ago, a woman met a priest and fell madly in love. He fell in love with her too, and she became pregnant. Their relationship was never meant to be, however, because he was a priest and could not marry. She became torn and killed herself in despair. On the night of her death, she appeared to the priest as a ghost, and asked him to recite a text to set her free from the human world. He couldn't believe it was her and asked her to appear again on the following night at midnight. If she came back, he would do as she said. When she did reappear, he painted a picture of her on a scroll, and read the text, and her spirit ascended to the heavens. The scroll is hung in the shrine only on the equinoxes. I saw it. Unpretentious, but damned spooky. It's main colors were blue and white, so her whispy black hair drew attention. It hung like fog, softly around her chest. Her tiny black eyes were mere dots, and her mouth appeared as if a three hundred year-old jack-o-lantern. The painted scroll looked fresh as yesterday, but, we were assured it was painted on that night three hundred years ago. Didn't want to take my eyes off it.
We went into the modern tomb, off to the side of the shrine and Etsuko's brother showed me the bones of his father.
On the way back to the car we stopped to admire the tea trees. Ten minutes later, Etsuko's brother mentions that they are his...
Back at his house, he shows us his pottery studio, and tells me, "You can have anything you want. Just take something you like." I was definitely overwhelmed, and took as much as I was able with suffering from guilt-stroke. He invited us to dine with him, traditional Japanese, of course. All produce came from his garden! Then, he gave me tea to take home, and Etsuko's mom gave me two little hand-sewn owls.

That was yesterday. Finally, there was White Day, Valentine Day's nemesis. In Japan, on February 14th, women give chocolate and other treats to the significant men in their life. On March 14th(happy birthday Jay!), men are required to return the favor in the form of cookies, flowers or other meaningless meaningfuls. I just wanted to say that I got a box of cookies, and silk handkerchief, a bouquet of gorgeous (don't know what they are) white flowers, a scented charm, and a letter. And I don't even have any friends!!! ; ) Just joking, I gave things to my supervisor and my boss and my friend Hiro, and they all did their jobs and gave me some goodies in return.

And as for Wellness, I am almost there. My lungs are still feeling weak, and the cough is there, but the rest this weekend helped in every way. Thanks for all those inquiries about my condition, everyone. Getting better sure is easier with a lot of support. I gotta remember that for Etsuko and her husband's sake too.

Wellness

While we anxiously await the wise words of my brother, I'll write a short 'filler piece'.

It's entitled: "Wellness"

I don't know what I have anymore. I was sure it was a cold. Then, I was sure it was hayfever. Then, I got worried because the cough wouldn't go away. It was accompanied by a gasping for air, almost a 'whooping' if I may. But I don't want to jump to any alarmingly false conclusions because for the past week or so I've suspected some sort of pneumonia. I was slightly bothered to notice the more frequent, if not mild headaches, and the bright green mucus oozing incessantly from my nose. The earache was almost assuredly from once blowing my nose too hard, but it made playing the violin nearly unbearably loud. Sunday's concert at Tsunoda Sensei's was a challenge because of that problem. All in all, that concert went well, but I was bitter about having to miss the fire-throwing festival in Aso, the town with the volcano, the 'land of fire'. Maybe wouldn't have been able to make the two-hour drive anyway. I thought the cough was getting better, but last Sunday I was coughing again, and the force of it caused me to vomit. I was surprised; I had to throw up right into my hands.
I went to the doctor's twice. The first time, he gave me some cough pills and some other pills to liquify the mucus. They didn't do anything, as far as I could tell. So I went back on Wednesday, having taken a sick day. This time, he prescribed five different pills, to be taken after every meal. I don't think he knew what was wrong with me, actually. So I've been taking the pills, but I don't think it's a good sign that I've gotten a fever twice after taking them! I'm tired, and weary of being slightly ill for nearly a month. So much effort just to get well! I gotta pull it together again and see a new doctor. Everything is good, but I'm sick. Blah. Wellness. Thank you.

on turning 30(tentatively)

Tomorrow, my brother Jason turns 30.
Guess the cat's out of the bag now, Jay. May as well 'fess up, since it's not like there was a big, huge party with tondreds of people for you today or anything.
Oh, wait--there was, I think you said? :-O

So I guess everyone knows exactly how long you've been walking this planet. What do you suppose it all means?

I invite you to be a 'guest' writer on my blog. Would you please write some thoughts on turning thirty? I'll post it for you. You can send something to my email address. From there, we'll just take out all the curse words and make the jokes funny and then I'll post it here, as if I had written something of such blinding genius.
(There's no pressure if you don't want to. This request can magically disappear. ; ) )

Happy 30th birthday Jay. Wishing you even more love and joy this year. I can't wait to see you when you come to visit.

(P.S. If you'd like to be a 'guest' writer on Julie's blog, please send an email request accompanied by a check for $49.95, a chocolate bar or a jar of natural peanut butter, and she'll definitely consider it. hee hee hee!)

Shostakovich 5 after good friends

I bet it's not too healthy to write a blog when you're feeling very lonely.
So I'll summarize by saying that I had a wonderful time with the friends who came to stay with me. We did lots of things together. We went out to eat 'special' tofu with my tutor and a good friend. We went to Kumamoto by train and saw the castle and ate strawberries and honey. We enjoyed okonomiyaki(that pancake-type thing), supermarket shopping, etc. We went to Nagasaki by ferry and saw the A-bomb music, peace park, Chinatown, and so on. I was impressed and quite frightened that they wanted to come with me to elementary Wednesday, especially with me being sick. However, I think they had an entertaining time and can now fully appreciate the strangeness of my situation here. One friend took over 200 pictures that day(it's really a lot of cuteness to bear, even for three people)!
Unfortunately for them, I was really under the weather and cranky for most of the time, so I wouldn't say I was the bestest hostess possible. But I'd say we had fun, and they got to experience a bit of Kyushu.

(Actually, the best part for me was just talking to them. It wasn't just 'having someone to share things with', though. It was really them, who they are as people, that I enjoyed. I feel super lucky to know that they will be there, and other people like them, when I go back to Colorado!)

I hope you guys are enjoying whatever the rest of Japan might have to offer you!! I was so happy to have you here!!! : )

thinking too much in an already weakened state

thinking things over a bit more, I'm going to play my own devil's advocate for a minute.
What if I were to come home in July?
I think in a lot of ways, I feel like I've started something here that will take more time to really finish. I've only just started to understand some of the language. I've only just started feeling comfortable in these surroundings, and I've only just got my feet on the ground. I feel like one year would be too short to really incorporate all I've been learning.
On the other hand, I did note that all the people who responded(with the exception of 'anonymous', who I can't say for sure) are music people. They've surely noticed the painful lack of music references in my blog. I feel stifled and starved musically. Looking at things through that perspective, I can see why so many of you might see coming home as the better option. When I look at things that way, I see coming home as the better option too. Bringing this to my attention, I realize why my friends are saying what they are saying. This will take more time, but I want to completely (re)consider all these aspects of my decision to stay.


As a spontaneous, yet seemingly related side note to coming home, I've just been informed that I have to make up the two elementary school days that I missed throughout the past year NEXT WEEK. So, I have three elementary school days next week at three different schools. That's probably more than 500 students i to see. I already know that one school wants me to teach six classes during the day.
this is craziness.
do motivational speakers sometimes have to do something like this? teach 15-18 classes of all different students in three days? some profession must do something like this that i can reference? makes me feel like going AWOL

all the thoughts i can get together

The funny thing is, I don't really want to come home yet.
I'm so alone here, yet I feel like this time is so valuable for me. I'm learning how to make actual decisions. I've had to create my own life here. I think my blogs have shown more joy and acceptance through time.
Does it all read so terribly?

I'm joining a gym. It's called 'To-reemu Pahku'--that's Japanesified pronunciation for the actual spelling 'Trim Park'. It's to supplement my Aikido practice. It's about a five-minute drive(or ten-minute bike, or 20-minute walk) from my house. It's a modern gym with many of the machines imported from America. The staff is friendly, and the introductory private training session was a complete workout and very fun. Actually, I just got some spiffy new sneakers too, which will make training *extra* exciting. :) Maybe I can attach a picture soon.(!)
Lately in Aikido, students have been preparing for upcoming tests. So, the teachers have been pairing off higher ranks with lower ranks during class to help them get ready. I was surprised to get paired at all, but last week, I taught three 5th level white belts for one class period, and this past Saturday I was paired with a 4th level white belt for the class.
I think Aikido here has offered me exactly what I need. That is, good, solid foundation. The teachers' forms are consistent and it's steady and reliable practice. The atmosphere is joyful. I rarely miss class.

Quite excited to meet up with two friends from Colorado today after work. We've got some exciting plans lined-up; I think it's going to be a fun-filled week.

Unfortunately, I caught something and was sweating really badly last night all night long. Had a headache yesterday and still today. It started with a bad stomach ache on Friday night, and I have this cough that won't go away...

lemonade

I guess I've been here over 8 months?
I'm going to stay for another year, I decided. I'll move to Kumamoto City and work there. I'm looking forward to living in a different kind of place, although I have to say that I really enjoy the relaxed pace of the suburbs here in Arao.
I don't have too much info on my new location, but I got my new supervisor's name and number.
Things have been picking up here because the students are about to graduate in two weeks.

I don't know why not many people comment on this blog: maybe it's not so interesting or no one actually reads it. Maybe it's still difficult to figure out how to leave a comment, or maybe everyone is too busy.
Whatever it is, it's okay with me. I'm going to keep writing. I'm going to stop asking people to leave comments.

what the...?

i've been at this school for almost three weeks, but the principal and i never really spoke to each other before.
just now, out of the blue, he asked me if i had a minute and said to me 'shodaino yakimononi ikimashoka' or (literally) 'Let's go to Shodai pottery?' i said, 'um, okay, shodaino yakimono.'
he drove me to a pottery shop, we stayed for less than five minutes, and he bought me a a random piece of pottery(i swear, he just said, 'pick one cup', so I picked up a cup and he bought it for me) and we came back to school. it was all at light speed. i have no idea what just happened. i just know that i have a piece of pottery in a plastic bag on my lap, an orange on my desk, and i'm feeling very confused again...

ah, those good ole days

got really confused at lunch today. most of the time, i eat in the classroom with students. i was talking to the kids around me, and that thing happened that happens sometimes. they all shut up and wouldn't say anything. i feel really bad when that happens because i don't know what's going on. they just shut up suddenly and it makes lunch kinda strange...
then, the teacher for that class came up to me and told me that all of the seventh graders were going to the gym for something or other and i could join if i wanted to.
huh?
i suddenly understood that i was eating with seventh graders. i thought they were eighth graders. i used 'eighth grade English' the whole time. i must've intimidated them a lot. they couldn't understand what i was saying and they didn't know what to do.
it turned out okay though because afterwards we all went to the gym and played dodgeball.
that must be the dumbest blog you've ever read.
or did it remind you of your good ole days in Japan?
remember, other people can respond to your comments and it could be bery wondafu, as they say here.

Me vs. PlayStation 2

I'm sitting here in the teacher's room at school, flipping through magazines.

I 'taught' at Arao #5 Junior High for two weeks.
The English teacher was so timid he could barely look at me. We had some trouble planning lessons together because when we started to talk he would turn red, start sweating and become really detached. If I showed any sort of assertiveness, it would just sew another stitch onto his lips. So I became very, very quiet for those two weeks and we managed. I didn't ask about lesson plans and he only told me what I was supposed to do just before class. We did the ol' 'two-minutes-before-class briefing session'. Class was usually mostly in Japanese, which was good for my learning, but not for the kids.

That being said, the kids were a lot of fun. First time, and I don't know why, they told me about their lives, told me who they were dating in school(uhh... good?), and brought in music for me to listen to. They talked to me at lunch and gave me pictures of themselves and made me jewelry. Even the boys talked to me--i mean really, what up wit dat?
So it only lasted a short time, but #5 JH has woven another strange and beautiful pattern into the techni-colored quilt that has become 'My Japan Experience'.
I still have plans to go shopping with one of the kids, my friends and her friends.

So, I left #5 two weeks ago and landed in a fresh new desk at Arao #4. Apples and oranges. #4 strikes me as possibly the healthiest functioning school in the district. There are teacher's meetings every morning, and get this, they aren't 'form' meetings. The teachers actually talk to each other in them.

The English teachers are 'into' English. The one who swears he was born in Tennessee is a bigger football fan than I am. I mean, ha ga ga ga, well blows me down! Out of the blue, the other day at lunch I had a conversation with one of the students that actually made some sense! In English! The trick is, these teachers actually have a personal interest in English. Somehow they've managed to give their students confidence. They're doin' real good.

Now they've given me my first project, to create an English/America bulletin board.

I really only meant to write one sentence on this blog. I've been flipping through the magazines my mom sent from home, cutting out pics for the board, and you'd never guess. 'Taiko Drum Master' has been released for the PlayStation 2. If only I'd acted sooner, I'd have had my fortune. I could just bite them.

how to be famous

You might've wondered about why I'm wearing a kimono in some of those pics I sent out. I didn't exactly know why I was wearing it at the time. I found out later. It was because I'm an ambassador.

This was my first time wearing a kimono. I was confused at how it actually felt, somehow, comfortable to wear.
Maybe like me, you didn't know that there are lots of various pieces of clothing that go on before the actual kimono. And ropes. I had five or six cinched around my chest. Usually they put nine on(, but I'm a foreigner, so...). Then, there are some more things, like a cotton shirt, a cotton slip, special socks and about fifteen small cotton pads around the neck and shoulders. Then the actual kimono goes on. Then five or so more belts on top. and teensy-weensy shoes. Way, way too small for my feet. I felt better when the women at the beauty shop told me that they are small for Japanese ladies too.

So, that was it. I didn't really know what to do all decked up like that. So I went outside. Coincidently, or maybe not, my tutor, who provided me with the opportunity to wear the kimono in the first place, happened to know that a festival was happening at a large shrine across the street and up the mountainside. She suggested that we go. Yikes. I felt really kind of weird sporting these fancy Japanese clothes in front of people I didn't know, and also I didn't think I could make it up the mountain in the itty-bitty shoes. Somewhat unsure of myself, I agreed we should go. I couldn't have guessed what a good idea that was.

After only a little walking, I got used to the shoes. I was surprised too, because the kimono wasn't killing me either. It held my posture for me and everything seemed to be stacked up right inside. So what did people think? Heck if they weren't smiling. They seemed proud of me or something. They wanted to shake my hand and talk to me. Just person after person wanting to meet me. It was so weird; then it struck me. This is why I'm here--it's not about ME me-- it's about letting all these people experience something foreign, something outside of the normal, if maybe for only once in their lives. And wearing the kimono somehow gave them confidence to come up to me and touch me, or even just stare(remember, the adults generally avoid looking).

It's true now that I'm famous here, not because of my accomplishments and not because of any particular talent. Just because the time is ripe and I do my job. That other part of the job. Now I can understand the part of my contract that says I'm to be an ambassador for my country. Anyone could do this job. but somehow it's me...


P.S. This is the best I've felt for a long time.

when life gets tough... give up

Finally, I've learned how to deal with elementary Wednesdays. Stop trying. Stop planning at all.

I wish that someone would comment that I keep generalizing about 'the Japanese'. I just wish 'the Japanese' would stop being so much the same.

If you think it's right or wrong that I do that, or even if you don't care but you think you'd like to hear more about my love life or stunning lack thereof, leave a comment. You can even talk about your love life if you feel so moved. Just click on the icon that says 'comments' at the bottom of the post, and you can sign your comment or post anonymously. Or don't, but then you'd just be holding it in, and we all know that that kind of thing is bad for your health... no but really I want to hear from you. even if yo spell things worng or uses bad grammar.

Well, this will be my final blog in which I complain about elementary Wednesdays. I don't care about them anymore. And all the better. Last week I let go of my stress and went in unprepared. I ran the class the same as my never-ending self-introduction classes. No intricate games, no 'look at me, I'm a special weird foreign person!', no bullshit. And at the end of the day, we were all stress-free--me, the students, and the teachers.
They actually prefer if I don't do any work at all; it saves them having to do work to understand my work. 'The Japanese' work very hard, but are mostly pretty lazy when it comes to doing something requiring innovation. It's all got to do with that group harmony and whatnot, I suppose. Anyways, it's good to be done with that bit of nonsense.

from now on my blogs may contain less perfection. i give up trying to attain that. and, instead of including lots of negative stuff, while trying to stay optimistic, i'm giving that up too. i'm neither anymore. life just goes on--wake up, gotta start again. enjoying the enjoyable, forgetting the forgetable, putting things in their place a piece at a time, but not discouraged should it all come tumbling down. like jenga. is it that way for you too?

The Kindness of Tutors

When I told my tutor Etsuko that I had a cold and a stomach ache, she told me she would bring me some medicine from the convenience store. She arrived with:

herb and milk throat lozenges
4 bottles of 'lactic acid' stomach tonic(all different brands)
1 bottle of vitamin C 'physical drink'
4 wrapped packages of ground 'kuzu' root, good for the cold
a package of porridge
a carton of apple juice
a carton of orange juice
a box of ritz crackers
tissues
a can of bean soup
a can of corn chowder
3 buns with different fillings
an apple
2 packs of gum, 1 lime flavored, 1 mint flavored(??to clean my teeth after all this food??)

I didn't know what to say! I was really grateful. I actually think she feels responsible to help me if I need something because she knows that there isn't really anyone else in town who I can ask when I need help. What I mean is that she speaks English well, but she also understands my needs well.
In the past couple months, we've spent a lot of time together. We went to Nagasaki for a day, we go out for okonomiyaki(one of the many hidden treasures of Japanese cuisine; like a huge, dense, cole slaw pancake) nearly every weekend, we watch movies together, study Japanese together, and just hang out sometimes. I haven't been able to tell her yet that I can't renew in Arao for next year. I don't want her to be sad. Needless to say, largely due to her kindness, I'm feeling much better this morning.

In other news:
I got the new location yesterday: somewhere in Kumamoto City.

That's all I know, and so, as of yet I'm still undecided about my final decision to stay or go home. (Remember, I said already said I'd stay, but there's a little leeway in that decision.)

P.S. I read that this site has revamped their comment board. They say that it should be easier for non-members to post comments. I know some people have had trouble posting comments to my blog, so you might try again now if you are included in that group. Anyway, my regular address is still always a good way to send me your comments.

Fruition

Today was the annual Arao Bean-Throwing Festival. No joke. It's called the Bean-Throwing Festival, but actually, it's peanuts that are thrown, not beans.

This morning(Sunday) I woke up knowing I had several things to do before the day could begin. I had to eat breakfast, take a shower, prepare my notes for my speech, and practice violin. None of this came to fruition. My friend, who would also be giving a speech today has a bit of a hard time getting organized. Knowing this was the case, I took care to call her the night before to make sure she was set to come to Arao in the morning. She said she was, so I was surprised when she called out of the blue this morning asking for a ride. It was 40 minutes out of the way and it cut out my entire plan to prepare for the day. So I picked her up, feeling a little cranky. After a few minutes chatting away in my American (square) English and her Jamaican (uh, round?) English, I forgot about the morning's inconvenience and we headed towards the big Buddhist temple of Arao, which rests on a hill somewhere between Midori Gaoka Elementary School and Arao Junior High School #3.
There were already a couple hundred people at the temple when we arrived, also joined by my tutor, Etsuko. In the car, on the way, we waved to two of my English students from #3, one being the shining star from the Taiko concert. Once inside, we watched a little hip-hop dance performance put on by the teens, which seems to be standard procedure to entertain the younger generation at festivals. Then, we went inside the temple itself, and as usual, I became quickly absorbed in the chanting and ritual at the head. There was a fire burning, some monks chanting, a drum being struck, and the air smelled of cedar incense. I understood nothing, and it was over as quickly as that. Everyone stood up and the people in front started throwing little white packages into the shrine area. I was confused because I had heard that we would be catching beans that were thrown at us. With a plunk on my head, the confusion ceased, and chaos took its place. Everyone scrambled to pick up small white packages that were thrown back at us. The ceremony went so quickly and we were ushered out of the temple's shrine room empty-handed. We headed down the stairs and an older lady handed me a plastic bag. The real throwing was about to begin.
Hundreds of Japanese stood eagerly with arms held high and plastic bags held open. The mayor, several very old people, two people dressed in rooster costumes(it's now the year of the rooster), two costumed superheros from 'Ultraman Land', the kiddie amusement park in town, and some priests and monks were escorted onto the roof of the exterior part of the temple. They carried huge white bags, their texture showing thousands of small packages inside.
After the blow of a horn, and some high-pitched shouting by the priest, showers of white packages fell onto us. Everyone dashed in every direction to grab them. The old(--did I say 'old'? I meant 'ancient'--) woman behind me had the fastest package-grabbing hands imaginable. I bet she'd done this about 111 times by now, so she had a good reason to be so much quicker than me. I turned out to be a much poorer package-grabber than most, and by the time the throwing and grabbing mania had ceased(more than 5 minutes!), I looked up to see two more boys, both my old English students, standing in front of me offering me handfuls of packages. When my bag was as full as theirs, they left to rejoin their other friends. My tutor, my Jamaican friend and I surveyed our loot, and sat down on our haunches to begin the second phase of the festival--the tearing open of small packages. And so it was that I discovered the 'beans' were peanuts, wrapped in a piece of tissue paper. A lucky few would find a stamp on the inside of the paper, indicating that they should report to the 'prize tent' and exchange it for the designated prize. I had about 50 packages in all, but no prize. My friend won a fancy instant ramen dinner. : )
On the way to the prize center, I ran into another handful of my students, who greeted me with a smile and said, "It was fun!! See you!".
Leaving the parking lot, a group of six or seven of my students waved goodbye. We headed towards the city mall for lunch, and after that, to give speeches.

A long time back, my tutor, then just an acquaintance, had requested me and my friend to give a speech to the Ariake International Society in town. She said to prepare at least twenty minutes' worth of material, so I spent all of yesterday putting on the final touches. My speech, to my surprise, was forty minutes, and it was video taped. I talked about what I thought were five major cultural differences between Japan and America. (If you are interested, they were: 1. Social Harmony and Individual Thinking, 2. Indirect and Direct Speech, 3. Politeness and Rudeness, 4. Shyness and Assertiveness, and 5. Women's Roles) By request, I finished with some short violin pieces. My friend talked about Jamaica and focused her speech on her culture's history and politics. We were both well-received.
That being behind us, we decided to make the one-block trip back to the city mall for a little Taiko Drumming Arcade Game Bonanza. I was proud to be the first to offer her a taste of this blissful experience. ; ) And there, we ran into student after student of mine, smiling at us, waving with excitement. Two girls from the fourth grade class at #4 Elementary joined us in Taiko. One from #3 Junior High, looking quite trendy in his starter jacket and head-wrap, unselfconsciously waved to us as he walked by with his 'girlfriend'. Four boys stood outside the arcade, watching me as I 'ghost-drummed' behind the fourth grade girls. I turned to see them looking and became shy because they didn't look at all familiar to me. One boy held up four fingers. I relaxed. I stepped outside the door to yell "Raishu! (Next week!)". I'd spoken to their student body of 407 on Friday, my first day at #4 Junior High School. They were telling me they knew me; they were telling me their school's number!

In a rare occurance, satisfaction seaped through my body today. Somehow, I became a witness to my own impact. Nearly a hundred smallish, familiar faces, just a fraction of the students I've 'taught', speaking ENGLISH!
Myself having been defeated weeks ago, I barely know what to do with this success. I suppose a peaceful night's sleep will do me good. Good night all.

Decisions

On late Friday afternoon, I talked to the head of the JET Program coordinations and my advisor. The head had talked to my supervisor that day and they had come to the decision that there was no way I could apply for a transfer out of the prefecture. The deadline to apply was a month ago. So, it would be Kumamoto or nothing. Not only that, but they needed my decision to stay in Japan or go home in July on Monday(yesterday), instead of in two weeks(on the 16th) which is the time alloted to everyone else.
My advisor advised me to say I'd stay, even if I would change my mind later because there was an option to back out for about a month or so. Yesterday, I told them that I'll stay. They said, 'Okay, where: city, suburbs, or country?' I hadn't thought about that at all, so I said I wasn't sure. They need my decision by today.
After our meeting, I handed my supervisor a formal letter requesting a reevaluation of my elementary school schedule. I requested no more than four classes to teach in one day. I had to write it in English because I didn't want to involve anyone outside of the department. I hope the woman who speaks some English there can understand. I can no longer deal with elementary school Wednesdays.

They Played the Bejeezus Out of That Pole

And once again, Taiko rocks my world!

I happened to mention that I liked that drumming arcade game again. It was three weeks ago, at Arao #3 Junior High, and my comment was followed by an invitation from one of my all-time favorite seventh graders. I like this kid because he carries his energy wherever he goes, including right into the classroom. I wish he would come along with me to every class in every school, but then I'd have to pay him, and he's sort of young for a regular job and all. Anyway, he told me he liked to do Taiko drumming and invited me to come and watch his group performance in a few weeks. I thought it sounded cute--a bunch of seventh graders doing Taiko on a stage.
And today rolled 'round, I'd forgotten the performance date, and at 9am my lovely tutor calls me this with a couple of free tickets to the show!
I think a lot of people have seen Taiko on TV, like me, but I didn't really expect it to be like it was on TV, with all the glory and intensity. I wondered if it was a production put on by the area middle schools or something.
The great sloping hall of the Arts Center probably holds seven or eight hundred people, and the place was full to capacity. I ended up sitting next to three of my former students from Arao #3, and we exchanged the standard, "How are you?", "I'm fine, thank you. And you?", only to be interupted by the incredible sound of 'PONG PONG PONG PONG'; the big bass drum captured our attention.
Taiko is not just hitting a drum. Taiko is a full experience of movement, color, sound, and energy. Every strike comes with intention, from the mind and the body. The drummers struck the drums and moved from side to side with every strike, their stance deeply wide. Their arms moved so graciously and furiously, shooting up after each hit, all the way up, seeming to point towards the heavens! As the rhythms became more and more complex between the various performers on stage, the stage lights shone new colors forth onto them and their background. The performance went on, strikingly, flawlessly, and every new group that would come out to take the stage would have a different set of costumes. The sets were varied yet simple, the colors were always subtely different and therefore refreshing to take in. The show was dynamic and professional throughout, even when these teeny little kids(maybe around 5 or 6 years old) were on stage, banging away with the rest of them. It was again amazing to witness the concept of talent education(a concept brought to the west by Shinichiro Suzuki, founder of the Suzuki method for stringed-instrument players) brilliantly at work. This concept says that every child has talent, and with the proper support structure, all children can achieve success.
Now, I didn't mean to skimp on the part about the adults, the ones really drove the show home. Their skill was apparent even before they started twirling their sticks in the air and adding complex steps and body movements as they played. All in all, there seemed to be about seventy-five members of the group. They finally all took the stage for one big(and actually real, not like in the US, where it's just expected) encore. A gargantuan bamboo pole was lowered across the front length of the stage, and while the adults and young adults played the drums on the back part of the stage, the kids lined up and played that bamboo pole with fury. It was a spectacular encore.
Needless to say, I got a lot more than my money's worth out of this one. Of course, since I didn't pay for it at all, that isn't saying much. ; ) But I mean for it to say great things, actually. The show genuinely blew me away, and seeing that little seventh-grader up there on the stage, the head drummer of the junior students, giving it his blessed all, brought tears to my eyes.
This has been an interlude, brought to you by life itself. It has been an intermission from the job-saga, which will continue to unfold at another meeting with the Board of Education tomorrow...

Total Plutonic Reversal

What can I say? Life happens. They've decided to cut my program next year. I can't renew my contract.
I've known for some time that the city of Arao has been having a financial crisis. That's why they cut the program down from two people to one person in this last year(which is why I'm so busy in school; I do the job of two people). But as it happened, today, the day after I decided to stay on for another year, the Board of Education met with me to tell me they're axing the JET program in Arao due to lack of funds.

It took me about ten seconds to absorb this life altering piece of information.
Summary of emotions felt; Surprise, momentary confusion, relief, stress.
I say 'surprise' and not shock because I'm coming to accept that life is totally out of my control.
And the relief came before the stress; no more Wednesdays at elementary school. ; )
And why the stress? The sudden uncertainty of what comes next.

I searched in my briefcase and found my thinking cap. I dusted it off, put it on, and threw these thoughts onto the table:
Does that mean I have to move out of Arao in July? Answer: Most probably yes.
Does that mean I have to move back to the US in July? Not necessarily.
What are my options??? (They'll have to get back to me)

Immediately after the meeting I got on the phone to my prefectural advisor. Blast it, she wasn't available. I need to know my options. I have two weeks to decide what to do.
Here's what I think they are: the first possibility is that I move to another town within Kumamoto Prefecture(a prefecture is made up of several cities or towns, like a county). Sounds, well, not thoroughly appealing. If I have to move, I want to make it worth the tremendous effort that moving can be. What sounds more appealing is that I might have a chance to transfer to another part of Japan, and live there for a year. As you know, I was planning on staying in Arao, but as long as I can't, maybe I can get a chance to experience life in a different part of Japan!
Of course, the option still remains to return home. This is not such a terrible option either. I could do some traveling after I return, as I'd planned to anyway, and I'd certainly enjoy coming back to Boulder.
It's cliched, but they handed me a lemon and I'm going to make some sweet, refreshing lemonade--ahhh!
So, I'm just waiting on that call from my advisor. She'll give me the beef and then I'll decide what to do next.

I've been banking on the words of Albert Einstein this entire year:
"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity."
We'll see if ol' Albert really knows what he's talking about.

Six months in Japan today

How long is six months? It's long enough to have begun the journey.

My recontracting decision is due in less than two weeks. That means I have to decide whether or not I'm staying for another year. On the surface, it might've appeared that I've been ready to leave for a while. Yet, that's not the entire reality of it.
Since I came back from Philadelphia, something's happened to me. It makes me want to stay.
If I can blame this on someone, it was actually Honda Sensei who instigated my 'reconsideration'. I was training at the dojo in Kumamoto one night, about a month ago. We were doing some sort of kokyu-throw(movement/breath/timing-type throw). My partner was a woman who was very reserved in her style, and not so confident in her throws. Honda Sensei came around to see what we were up to, and he stopped us and turned to me. Honda Sensei has a quirky way about him sometimes, but when he wants to cut through the bullsh*t, he really becomes direct. I think he called someone over to translate, otherwise, I'm not sure how I knew exactly what he said. But this is what he said: "Why are you holding back? What is your purpose for holding back? There's no need. Train at your level."
I really didn't think too much about what he'd said just then. I just remembered his energy, and sort of accepting some energy from him; like he was giving me some energy.
After class, in fact, weeks after class, his words kept returning to me. Why are you holding back? What is your purpose for holding back? The words rang out in my head. And sure enough, I can see what his question was for. It's stupid, this game of being oneself. I give up trying to understand it. I completely give up hope.
Give me isolation; I accept it. I give up trying to deal with it all.
And so I celebrate six months in Japan today.

This being the case, my options are 1. Return home to Boulder in July, or 2. Stay in Japan for one more year.
Life choice #1: be surrounded by friends and family, rejoin the English-speaking world, play great works of music, rejoin the Aikido dojo; find a job.
Life choice #2: stay here, continue to embrace this life and be repulsed by it even more, explore and expand with Aikido opportunities, make money, and be prepared to come home to enter school in Boulder after next year.

Truth be known, I want to come home. Life is easier at home. Communication happens at home. There are many things that make life tediously difficult about living where I live. But I'm not convinced that's a good reason to leave.

Originally, I had wanted to stay here for two years. And so, I shall stay, I suppose. Even as I write it, my heart aches. But, I will survive.
(Cue disco music, while in the background, one small violin plays 'my heart bleeds for you'.)

P.S. If you are thinking to come and visit, I promise it's actually rather nice here. ; )

Naked Men and so forth...

I didn't know, after all, that they would run into the ocean.

The day started brightly. Soon after, it began to rain.
I was thrilled to be up bright and early on a Sunday morning. I was soon to head off to an Aikido seminar to break in the new year. I was greatly looking forward to seeing Suganuma Sensei again. I could hardly believe I'd been invited to a yudansha(black belt) seminar by Suganuma personally.

That's about where the good part of the morning ended. I made certain the night before that I understood the train schedule perfectly. I did exactly what I was told to do. Yet, somehow, in Japan, so far, that hasn't seemed to work out for me. I got on the wrong train. It went to the right place, only it was the local and not the rapid train, so I arrived after the seminar had already started. I was supposed to meet the group of ten or eleven people from my dojo on the train, but actually, they'd told me to get on the wrong train, so I didn't find anyone! I didn't even have a map of how to get to the dojo from the train stop!!! I did everything I could to get there. I asked for directions at the info booth in the train station. I got directions to the wrong dojo.
Finally, I gave up. I tried to maintain some composure as I poaked at a cabbage salad and dryly buttered my toast in the Fukuoka train station cafe.

I had been asked to this seminar a couple of months ago after talking to Suganuma Sensei at a party, and I was thrilled. Unfortunately, I didn't write the date down, so I promptly forgot when it would be. Naturally, I was surprised when someone reminded me about it at yesterday's practice. I'd already planned to go two festivals and have a meeting with my supervisor, my supervisor's boss, and the woman who has become my tutor. The purpose of the meeting was to promote positive communication among the staff in my office. It was to be informal, with eating and drinking. It would start at one.

So, I needed to quickly devise a plan so I could go to the seminar and the festivals and the meeting. I resolved to go to the first part of the seminar and skip the rest to come back for the meeting and so on. Well, as I said, I decided to give up on getting to the first part of the seminar and got on a train to ride two hours back to my town for the meeting. In the middle of the ride, my supervisor called to cancel the meeting. It was too late to turn around and catch the last half of the seminar.

Therefore, in light of the fact that my whole day had turned to crap, I went to the Naked Man Feast. Fest, that is. ; )
The men actually donned white loincloths, and they gathered at a very special shrine for the purpose of purifying themselves and blessing the town with good health and good fortune in the new year. They held fast to each other in a circle facing inward, about 30 men, with one man in the center hoisted on the shoulders of the others. They chanted 'Wa-soi, Wa-soi, Wa-soi' in rounds, as the man in the center urged them on. Firemen and police officers surrounded the ball of men as they swayed back and forth, sometimes into the crowd. It was pretty dangerous. One man in a loin cloth, with blood smeared across his chest staggered past me, apparently crushed by the unsteady mass. After inquiring, I learned that the men weren't drunk. They were cold.
People from the outside were tossing buckets of cold water onto their bare skin. Some of the men looked dazed, as steam rose from their bodies. But they kept chanting, and finally I could see that the man in the middle was holding something. I couldn't see what it was.
The pack started moving down the street, taking directions from the frigid man on top. Soaked and shivering, some with purple lips, they made their way through the tiny streets of the town, maybe four or five blocks to the Ariake Sea. Then, as simple as that, they ran in! It was probably 35 degrees Fahrenheit out at the time, and an icy rain was again starting to fall. As they shouted and danced around, I could then see what they were carrying. It looked like a straw target. Someone said it was the seat of the local deity, moved to the town from a neighboring shrine over four hundred years ago(I doubt it was the original cushion of the god! : ) ). The seat represents luck and strength, I was told, and it was the mens' job to safely carry it to the ocean!

Then, I got my picture taken with some of the naked men. : )

Bummed out that I missed the seminar, but so happy to have witnessed yet another angle of the complex Japanese cultural mobile.

Tomorrow it's back to school again. Tuesday is my last day at Arao #3 Middle School. I'm looking forward to moving on. There seems to be some stale air at #3. Thursday I start at #5...

Fourth Graders are from Heaven

Had another six-class elementary school day on Wednesday. Ended up staying at #3 Middle School til 10PM the night before trying to finish preparing. I still haven't found a way to deal with Wednesdays. Usually, there's no plan or idea given to me as to what I should teach. I generally receive a schedule about one week before class, but this week I got it the day before. The schedule tells me how many classes I will be teaching, the number of students, and the names of the teachers. It also tells me what time each class starts. Under the space for lesson suggestions, it undoubtedly reads some variation of: 'ALT(Julie) Gives Introduction, Song, Game, Goodbye'. This week's schedule read: 'We hope to play children's game in America,' and 'Please tell us that junior high school.' Uh...
I'm doing my best. We played a couple of silly counting games with racquets and foam balls in 1st and 2nd grades. 3rd grade practiced the alphabet, did an alphabet maze and played bingo. We made a calendar together in the 4th grade class. In 5th and 6th grade classes we played a card game, kind of like Memory, but speaking in English.

I usually try to come up with one 'quality' idea, and really work hard to make one class really good. I usually pick 4th grade to do it with, because I think 4th grader are at a particularly interesting time in their mental development. I think 4th graders embody the best of elementary school. They are curious and cute, but are able to hold onto concepts and work on projects as a group or by themselves. Thank iPods for the 4th grade.

And otherwise:
It's been quiet after the holidays.
Although,... the naked man festival is this Sunday; I'm looking forward to that. ; ) It's called Matobakai, and actually, the men wear loincloths. It's been freezing cold out, but I've heard it doesn't stop them from going to the shrine to celebrate. What they are celebrating is yet unknown to me.
Also on Sunday is the Dondoya Festival, where families take down the decorations that adorned their house for New Year's. They gather at another shrine, make a fire, and toss the decorations in to pray for good health in the New Year.
details to come...

On the plus side, my Japanese has really started improving rapidly as of late. Also, since I gave up caring what anyone thinks of me here, I feel much happier overall.

Letter

Hey, thanks!!  I hope your new year is just spiffalicious!!!

What other French stuff are you cooking lately?  I noticed one French restaurant here, but I almost don't want to try it.  I'm sick of having no friends.  It means I always go out by myself.
Yet, it looks as if I may have actually be getting more friendly with---dun dun duuhhh---my tutor!!  Yes, I finally got a tutor.  She's a perky, nosey, middle-aged Japanese lady who speaks English really well.  She reminds me of my old friend Joy in an odd way.  I think it's because she can be pushy sometimes, but it's in a way that is refreshing to me, so it's okay.  I'm looking forward to spending more time with her.  Maybe I can get a pic to send you.

When I was home I picked up the new Eminem CD, 'Encore'.  I have all his CDs now.  And even though I think he's vulgar, it's been really healthy to listen to him lately.  Somehow I don't feel all that isolated if I allow myself to blame the Japanese [culture] a little for my isolation.  Eminem helps me do that and feel better about myself for it.  I'm saying this only part sarcastically!

So, yeppers, I did enjoy PA a lot; I can't tell you how revitalizing it was seeing my family, if only for 6 days--except now I'm back to sitting at my desk at City Hall for this week.  It's the stupidest thing, just sitting there trying to come up with lesson plans with no curriculum, but they just don't know what to do with me while school's out, and they wouldn't dare ask me what I think!!  I think I ought to be back in my school, helping clean the place and planning real lessons with the teachers.  Argh!

Also, I just found out that after this cycle of middle schools is up, that is, when the school year ends in March, I start over again at the first middle school.  News to me, because my printed schedule had stopped after the end of March!  I had no idea I'd be returning to all the schools again.  No one told me!  I'm always left in the dark!! I haven't felt this much pent-up anger since I was a teenager--what's with all the crap they are handing me?

Weather's been cold, but not chills to the bone like Philly.  You were wondering, but no, Japan wasn't affected by the tsunami.  Do you actually prefer the cold to the T-shirts and clouds?  Seems heavenly because I'm so cold here so much of the time.  I don't even like to go outside my bedroom if I can help it--that's why I moved all the important stuff in here.  Not so good for my health though, not moving at all. ; )

The dream of Austria is still alive.  However, if I don't fly straight home first, I forfeit my free plane ride; it's just the JET rules.  So Austria will have to come after a trip home.  I'm actually dreaming of going to Aikido Camp my first week back--a sort of intensive re-entry program or something.

I just read this and think I ought to post part or all of it on the blog.  You want I should leave a sometin' out?

Hehe, you just asked all the right questions, I guess. : )

But I'm glad to hear you had a good New Year's, with the appropriate partying.  Partying here is nothing like partying there.  If the party starts smelling the least bit wild, someone gets up to leave, and pretty soon everyone's splitting.

I was thinking about the center again, you know, from Aikido.  Embodiment comes slowly, but it comes, slowly.

the gas station, the holidays and isolation

I never like to admit that I have a cold. I'll go through days of sneezes, boxes of tissues, and bottles of echinacea, denying any kind of condition, until one morning I'll wake up and the whole thing will have passed. Then I'd think "Boy, that some cold I had."

I'm currently in Japan, in denial.

Somehow though, the thought getting gas always seems to cheer me up.
As with the convenience stores, the moment of arrival at the gas station is climactic.

The convenience store:
Pretend for a moment, that you need to buy some drinking water because you discover your own tap to be somewhat disturbingly yellow. You can't take echinacea without water, so you decide to hop in the car(the compact 'Mira Daihatsu'--or whatever the case may be) and roll off towards 7-11 for a little 24-hour service. And service it is.
"!!!! IRASHAIMASE !!!!" "!!!!! WELCOME, PLEASE COME IN !!!!!"
The cashiers' vocal greeting hits you, like cupid's arrow, forcefully, unexpectedly, lovingly. You soak in the rush of it, buy your water, and leave.
[Perhaps I'll play a game someday and visit all the 7-11s in town with a tape recorder, to compare the greetings. I would award the loudest, most cheery one with an autographed photo of me, and a promise never to return to their store(take it easy Julie, drop the gun and move away from the cynicism).]

The gas station:
Simply put: it rocks. At the gas station, if you have a customer card, you are a god. You are a '-sama', a greatly respected one. No doubt, gas stations are one of my favorite parts of Japan.
I always go to the same one, if I can help it. I like the fumes, ...uh, vibes.
Okay, so they are just gas stations, but where else do you get full service, free window-wiping and every single attendant knows your name? And again, what could compare to the excitement upon pulling in:
"!!! HAI, HAI, HAI, HAI, HAI--OK !!! (Translation: I'll direct you as to where to park your car. Keep pulling up, keep coming, okay, stop!)
JULIE-SAMA! JULIE DESU! (Translation: It is the supreme goddess Julie who has come to visit us from the planet of strange-looking people. We love her, and yet are scared of her at the same time. Full service for this card-bearing stranger!)."

I'm becoming addicted to getting gas. Which brings us to the next point: the holidays. Which brings us to the next point: isolation.
It was quite wonderful to go home for the holidays. I am constantly surprised that as I grow, so my family and long lost friends also continue to grow. It's strange how I desire to pull away from everyone and everything I know. I was taught that without a reference point, one can realize enlightment. There is no reference point here, yet I do not realize enlightenment. I realize confusion and imbalance. I realize instability and fear. I realize I have isolated myself/that I am being isolated. Therefore, I like to ease the pain with a trip for gas.

New Year's in Japan:
The trip home was quite short(6 days) because I wanted to be sure to come back in time for Japanese New Year's festivities. I stayed the night with my host family, who had cooked an extraordinary meal containing 673 different fantastic dishes to choose from(I didn't really count ; ) ). Nagao Sensei, my host father, and I spent the hours after dinner drinking special thick rice wine and scotch. We watched famous Japanese people in crazy costumes sing on TV, and at 11:45PM, we rejoined the family for toshi-koshi soba, a kind of noodle dish eaten only on New Year's Eve. Soon after, we realized that it was midnight and headed off to a shinto shrine. It was at this shrine that we rang a huge bell(invoking dieties??), and afterward we went to another shrine to offer a few coins and pray/meditate for a moment. It was, perhaps, the first time I had seen regular Japanese folks acting religious.

And now it's back to being on my own. Back to work at the city hall with no work to do. Back to the drawing board. Back to reaching out, and yet again being casually and cooly rejected. Back to good food and good Aikido. Back to back with myself, with nothing but what I create. How lucky, and how meaningless!

Let's hope this year holds more mercy than the last one ended with--thinking of the tsunami. Also, let's hope this year the US government is able to show some compassion this year. Those are my New Year's wishes. Also, to exercise more. And get more gas.