Chance lost for Empress

Well, most every one interested in Japan has probably heard the news by now. Yay! Congratulations, Princess and family!

(Well, that solves that, I guess. Whew, lucky no one had to change any rules over it--having an empress would have been terrible for so many people, for sure!! And to think, the pressure to have a male heir only caused the princess to have a nervous breakdown once! At least she could get pregnant again, right?

What's the big deal about all this anyway?

Really, there have been empresses in Japan before(eight of them, actually). I think a lot of people believe either males or females are innately good leaders. And I personally don't think the strengths of men are more powerful than the strengths women possess. I'm talking innate strengths, the stuff nature gives us. I wonder why having an empress would have been such a horror.

To tell you the truth, and my own gender aside, I hoped she would have a girl. Just to have something change around here, and to make people look at their own biases, which seem to be based in fear. I see this as a chance lost for many Japanese to go through some quite interesting and challenging introspection. And of course, for Princess Mako, a.k.a. the one who got pushed aside, as a chance lost to change the hearts of those people.)

That said, (yet, regardless of how I personally feel,) may the prince and Emperor-to-be, live long, and be healthy and happy. Bansai!!!

Croc Hunter Leaves, Doing What He Loved

Steve Irwin was killed by a string ray today.
This man was a hero to so many people, including me. I loved his approach to animals, to living life so freely and fearlessly, and his courage to show the whole world what he loved. I'm sure he wouldn't regret the way in which he died. It will probably be very, very hard on his family and the people who knew him, because people who didn't even know him, like me, were so touched by his life and work. A sad day, for animal lovers, and for the world.

Chance to be thrown

I had what some might call a lucky break today. Since I came back to Japan a week and a half ago, I've been back to Aikido practice 3 times. The first class back, I was asked to be an uke(the one who receives a technique) at an upcoming Aikido demonstration. I wanted to help out, and had nothing to lose, so I agreed.

During the second class, the person who would be throwing me decided on what techniques he would execute.

The third time, yesterday, we practiced it. And today was the demonstration. A lot of people I know are used to doing this sort of thing without practicing beforehand, but in the dojo here, demonstrations are highly choreographed, and doing one with little prep time is a little chancey. My partner even commented that 'he had the heart of a flea'(nomi no shin) as we were starting.

But we did great! Not only that, I couldn't believe how many people were complementing us afterwards. I felt a little embarrassed by all the praise I was getting. But the highlight of that was when my teacher in Japan, Honda Sensei, told me that the shihan(master instructor) who was watching, Suganuma Sensei, told him that my ukemi(falls, lit. 'receiving') were very well done. I almost didn't believe him, but when I got a chance to talk with Suganuma Sensei at the drinking party afterwards, he told it to me directly. I was so surprised!! I didn't even expect him to acknowledge me, really!

I didn't even notice my ukemi being different from before. I just remember thinking that I'm going to wait for my partner to throw me, and not throw myself. The only other thing I was thinking was that I wanted to regain my own balance each time between being thrown and attacking again.

They are going to give me a copy of the video that someone took, and if I can, I'll post it here. That is, unless they were just humoring me. But somehow, I suspect master instructors try not to humor their students. Well, regardless, I was very excited that people responded to some subtle changes I was attempting to make in my practice. Even if no one had said anything, I was so happy to have been there.

I got up at 5 this morning to make the train to the bus to the dojo. But I feel energized anyway!!


On a slightly different note, everyone at the dojo seems to be pushing for me to take my nidan(second degree black belt) test. Like everyone says I should do it, and that I'm nearly ready, and that it's time to 'level up.' The teachers in the dojo have been hinting about it for 4 or five months. But I've had an internal dilemma about it, so I find I can't give an energetic, 'all right, let's do it.' I feel some sort of loyalty to my teacher back at home(Ikeda Sensei). Also, he hasn't seen me practicing for past two years, so I don't know if he would think I should go ahead and do it. I wouldn't be able to take the test among my friends in Colorado, and, this is debatable, but, I think the test here is much easier to pass than the one I would take at home. Meaning, I think the test at home is more rigorous, and the chance of getting asked to test is much more unlikely. However, I have been training here for two years now, Honda Sensei is absolutely my teacher too. I want to ask Ikeda Sensei what he thinks.

Any Aikidoka or non-Aikido people have thoughts about this?

from a letter 1

In my little outing to school, I'd braced for the worst, but never anticipated the best would happen. I went in thinking that almost no one would notice my reentry into the building, and that I would visit my goldfish, who would have missed me dearly while another teacher was taking care of them, and then I would do some work and go home. Here how it really happened:
I went in, said my Konnichiwa!, and was instantly greeted by two teachers with broad smiles. It was all 'Oh, so how was America? Your face looks tanned! Did you get to see your family?' and so on. Then, I was introduced to two new teachers, who had arrived since my absence. The teacher whose desk is next to mine came in, happily showed me pictures of her summer fun and her cute dog, and then gave me one cucumber of three she had brought, and I quote, for 'cutting practice.'

Whew! What a relief!
I'll start a normal work day from 9-5(if I want--actually, I'm still technically on vacation til the 4th, so there's some flexibility still) tomorrow.

from a letter 2

I wish I had a little more energy so I could write a full letter. But it got late and I've gotten very tired. Tonight was an orchestra practice, the first one I went to since I came back. It also went better than I expected. More on that.
The not great news is that I found eensy-weensy bugs in my tatamis after work today. So I have to do major vacuuming and airing every day. I might have to do some bomb or something, which I detest for many reason. Waa!!
Also, school today started with a 2-hour meeting in which I sat, basically clueless. So I just listened and wrote down all the Japanese words I could understand but didn't know the meaning of. I'll look them up later. Helps me even though the meetings go on and on. I actually got excused early; I think it went on for another hour...

Higher Ground

Well, it's time to go back. To school, that is. There's a small part of me that is looking forward to it. I shall focus on that part as I enter the teacher's room and shout out, "Konnichiwa" for all to hear.
There is another part of me that is still dazed that I'm back. It's not jet-lag either. More like having left so much behind that I'm trying to remember what it was that I was doing here before I left. I guess, in these times, I just gotta keep on going.

First Saturday Airing

It's still morning and I'm already sweating. My apartment definitely has a funny smell. I think it's mildew in the tatami mats, of which there are maybe twenty or so. When I came in two days ago, my landlady was 'airing' the place out. If she hadn't been doing that all month, I think there'd be green mildew all over the mats by now. I've got the windows open as we speak for some airing, before the weather climbs over into 'toasty hot.'

The heat is a real burden for me, even after a lot of training in it before I left. I wonder if what I learned about it so far is to just bear it, and let it bother me minimally. Coming back, though, it's obvious that it's much hotter than Philly or CO. I'm going to shut myself in my room right now, turn on the air-con, and not go out unless I have to. 'Have to' meaning, for example, if someone knocks on the door... hang on...

Ha, ha. :-) Japanese Jehovah's Witnesses at my very own doorstep. Helps to not know Japanese at times like these, chuckle, chuckle.

These first couple days back have clarified some things for me already. Of which kind of climate I prefer: much drier and cooler than here. Of what I haven't been able to do: make many Japanese friends(my 3 closest non-Japanese friends, who all happened to be in Japan on the JET program, all returned to the U.S. this summer). Of something I missed about being in Japan: it's so quiet I can sometimes hear my 'inner voice' again already. And of a hard lesson: it takes a lot of work to make a life in a foreign country. That I have a small network of Aikido and orchestra and other friends here has taken my full effort for two years. I don't envy people who can't return to their own countries. It's much easier to know I have the safety net that is 'home'...

One more year, please.

I'm back to spend year 28 in Japan.

One day back in. I'm jet-lagging as we speak. The only plan today was to train at the dojo, but I fell asleep from about 3pm until 9pm, so I slept right through class. Which explains why I'm awake now at 2:30am.

It's hot and humid, 35 degrees celsius today(bonus: what is that in Fahrenheit?). And the mosquitos are still here, even though I'd asked them to be gone by the time I got back. My garden is overgrown with weeds, and it poured and thunderstormed loudly this afternoon.

Breakfast at Hiro's was rice, miso soup, and okra and goya sliced up with bonito flakes and soy sauce on top. Mmm...
I was treated to lunch by Etsuko, at a traditional restaurant that specialized in *unagi*(cue fingers pointing at head and grimaces by friends). Japanese food sure pleases my palette. I'm a convert. I could eat only Japanese food for the rest of my life. I'd even give up pizza and peanut butter. I didn't eat dinner, because I slept right through dinner time, and when I woke up, I wasn't hungry.

I'm going to lie down now, and maybe I'll sleep too.
Good to be back, more to come.

P.S. It's so quiet here.

Almost Back

It has been next to impossible for me to keep up writing during my trip home. There have been few moments of breathing time, and every time there are, thoughts flood my mind like a waterfall.

And so it follows that I have run out of time to write at this very moment.

When I'm back in Japan on Tuesday, I anticipate it will be back to lots of blogging.

See you soon...

Uh, me?

I sure feel a lot of things shifting, inside and out, inside-out, and upside-down and round and round. In fact, so much is spinning in my mind and world that I don't have much time to reflect lately. Here's my best attempt:

Aikido camp has left me exhausted, but in a good way. In my attempts to be continually pleasant and present, I have a pretty clear memory of the entire week. I took notes after classes as much as possible, on key points I picked up or wanted to look at for further study. I was surprised that many of the things I have been thinking about/working on in Japan were relevant in some way in the training I did here. That is, bonding with my partner and producing a 'zero-sum' outcome(or being 'undetectable,' as someone else put it) from the start of the encounter. I did a lot of thinking about the movement of celestial bodies, galaxies, satellites, and also natural laws and nature on our planet. A lot of the movement I've witnessed and felt in Aikido training can be seen equivalently in the larger macro or smaller micro worlds around. I want to study this particular aspect much more.

On the mat and off the mat, the living connections I could share with other people made me wish I could stay at camp forever. (I want to mention a very great dinner I had smack in the middle of things there with my cousin, while I'm thinking of it.) I ended up spending a lot of my time there with one friend in particular. I neither fought this tendency to give a disproportionate amount of time to one person, nor embraced it to the extent of missing chances to relate to other people. But I was consistently put at ease while in my friend's presence, and felt awakened and happy under my friend's influence. I'll point out that my friend is a man, which must have got everyone wondering about why we could be seen together so frequently when everyone knows I have a boyfriend. I have given this thought. My boyfriend is important to me, and the promise that I have with him was not violated in any of the interactions I had this week. That's all I'll say about that.

Just a couple more things. I got some major overhaul done on my violin, which turned out to be a good little chunk to spend on a musical instrument(at least on my budget ;) ). The neck was removed, reangled, and repositioned into the body, and some length was added to it. That was the major thing. The bridge was also switched out, and the chinrest adjusted. Finally, I got to try four different kinds of strings on it, and found that one speaks much more perfectly for the instrument than the others. I have to seek out these uber strings, and swear by them when I become world famous. (Just kidding--I will never be world famous for my violin playing. And that's an understatement.) And by gosh, it does sound like a whole new instrument when I run the bow across it. I would never have guessed it was the same instrument I took to the shop last week.

Finally, I'd like to say that being back in Boulder is actually my dream come true. Last night, despite my violin's recent exit from surgery and my own rustiness, a group of more-senior-than-I musicians urged me to join them for an evening of playing Haydn, Beethoven, and Mendelssohn quintets.
My home base, at my Colorado mother's place, is a very nice neutral zone from which to begin endeavors here. (By the way, and I hope she won't get mad at me, but she and her husband just celebrated their 33rd year together and I am in awe of their commitment, and the loveliness it carries. [And I'm wishing you the best out there, and thanks.])
Anyway, I got a chance to visit the old stomping ground, a.k.a., the bookstore I used to work for, and I was showered with love, well-wishes, and smiles; so I bought $50 worth of books.
Sheesh, am I bordering the edge of annoyingness when I say that I even enjoyed seeing my dentist and getting a good cleaning? I think so. I'll stop now.

Underlying everything is my knowing that I'll be back in Japan in less than 3 weeks, probably struggling to create lesson plans which I don't know how to teach effectively, more struggle with communication, isolation and almost no friends to talk with and relate to, and it will all have been too good to be true.

Good food, adventure around every corner, and a loving boyfriend. I suppose on either end, everything will be just fine.

(If the above had an arrogant air about it, I want to say that I didn't mean it in that way really at all. A lot of things are happening in me, to me, and around me, so it's logical that the me's start to add up.)

Best to you all out there.

Pardon the long absence--these days I haven't been Currently in Japan, I've been at Aikido camp in the good old Rocky Mountains, which I call home some of the days. Aikido camp is all I had anticipated for months and much more; it is filling me with the stuff I will reflect upon during this coming year.

I seem to have changed a whole lot as far as my Aikido technique, ukemi(the one who receives the techniques), and outlook. I've been consisently amazed that beginners, intermediate level, and advanced level people all seem to have something useful to teach me. And I've been surprised every time someone approachs me to train after class. Mostly they rank high above me or have much more experience than me, and I am grateful for everything I have been learning from them.

On a personal level, reuniting with friends has been overwhelming and has been melting my heart. There is a lot more that I could write about this, but I won't, because when one is in the middle of it all, it's not always the best time to reflect.

It's been over 100 degrees every day for about 3 or 4 days now... and exceedingly humid for about three weeks. I'm so hot I can barely post blogs. But I managed to get to Aikido tonight. Still learning a lot every time, always challenging. It was so hot that my arms were glistening during practice. I was surprised because I don't remember that happening before. Awesome Guy was showing me stuff again, and I'm getting more and more prepared for summer camp in Colorado. Maybe recently I've just started to feel like an actual shodan. I know I look goofy a lot when I'm trying new things, but learning is now more important than how I look.

Yakuza Encounter

I just got a report today that yakuza(organized gang) has recently been gathering in this area. I hadn't a clue yakuza members lived around here, but now I understand it is well known around town. I saw them last night.

My friend Kara will be leaving Japan in a few days, after three years living and teaching here. So, we decided to meet for dinner at Cafe Miami, near the Tamana train station. She took the main road there, but I took some back roads, since it was near my house. When we arrived, I told her that there was a group of 25 or so men in blue uniforms holding red light wands standing in the road. They moved when I pulled my car through, and I saw on my right, a desk with two shaven-head men in uniforms staring intensely at me through my car window. I felt alarmed and vulnerable for a moment, and then I saw two women dressed in black turn into the alley from the busier street near the restaurant.
I couldn't get a sense for what was going on: I thought it must have been a funeral.

We forgot about it and ate our pasta.

Today's report went like this: A friend of Tamana Girls' School has reported this afternoon that Yakuza gang members have been seen in the area behind the train station. Teachers are asked to stay clear of that area, and tell their students to stay clear. The police have a watch on the building where members have gathered, but as of yet, there is no further news.

I have nothing to do with yakuza, except we live in the same world, under the same universal laws. Their world affects mine and vice versa, to a lesser degree, I'm sure. But are they 'bad,' and the police 'good?' And couldn't one easily become the other, as easily a friend can become an enemy? I feel strange when the connections/interactions between people is broken and people get labeled off-limits or scary. On the other hand, maybe it's always good to stay away from negative influences. Or, as a superhero we could go straight into them without being affected. (Didn't I mention I have a t-shirt that says, "I wish I was supernaturally strong, so I could put right all that is wrong." But it's difficult to wear that shirt outside of Japan because it sounds so presumptuous. The idea is nice though.) The other answer is to get rid of the concepts of right and wrong all together. Which is more difficult?

Suganuma Sensei in Tenjin Dojo, Fukuoka

Went to Suganuma Shihan's dojo finally on Monday night. I'd been wanting to go for almost two years now, but the chance came when a guy from his dojo up in Fukuoka moved down here to ours in Kumamoto. Having a connection to someone from Suganuma Sensei's dojo made it much easier to just show up and train.
And boy, was it enjoyable. Sensei's stretches were refreshingly authentic. I was right in front of him, and I could hear him breathing through nearly every stretch. His stretches were full of extension. I really enjoyed being there right with him for that.
Training was morotedori kokyunage, ushiro katatedori kotegaeshi and shihonage, and so on--I heard someone once say that Suganuma Sensei trains mostly basic techniques, which sounds about right. We did morotedori ikkyo, which was good for me because I'm working on the pin. I'm trying to line up my hand with uke's and press my the base of my index finger knuckle into uke's to hold the pin without a lot of muscle.
Near the end, Sensei called out 'jiuwaza--dozo,' and I looked at my partner, and he says in English, 'Anything you want, come on!!' So we worked on koshinage, where I'm working to look at my leading hand all the way through the throw. My partner wanted me to crank his wrist really hard in nikyo, which I couldn't do so well, so he showed me how to hook my pinky around his wrist.
The people I got to work with seemed to reflect what I could see about Sensei--relatively loose and flexible, precise, and most noticeably, aware. I read that Sensei began to practice Zen seriously many years ago, which would explain the sense I got that he notices everything.
Sensei worked with me for kokyuho. He said I was holding my breath, and he was right. When I breathed it was much easier. I could feel the same thing in his wrists that I feel when I grab Honda Sensei's: it feels tight, but not strong. Ikeda Sensei's wrists felt the same, as far as I can remember. It's what I've been trying to emulate in tenkan practice. (BTW, it does help to extend my fingers.)
Afterwards, Bread, Bread's wife, my boyfriend(who came to watch!) and I had tea with Sensei. I was really happy, and wanted to talk with him for a long time, but unfortunately, a long time is something we didn't have. It took about 2 hours to get to the dojo, and it took 2 hours to get back. I was so glad to go that... I want to go again!!!

Last night we had some powerful thunderstorms. I was up from about 4-6 in the morning, listening to the thunder and sheets of rain, and watching flash after flash of lightning(and feeling it shake my bed). The lightning came very close to my home. It struck down what looked to be less than a half mile away.

When the sun came up around 5:30, I sat facing my small garden, watching the downpour continue for another half hour.

At 7, I was awakened by the phone, and a teacher reported to me that school was cancelled today due to flooding. Ten minutes later, he called back and said that teachers were to come to school, but no students would be there. The logic of that, I have to say, evaded me, but that doesn't really matter. Most teachers, like me, left school early. So I'm at home today, making up for lost sleep and cleaning house.

I've heard the storms will continue all week.

----
I'm really looking forward to my upcoming trip home, Aikido camp, visiting friends, family, etc. Recently, although I feel generally content, I've also felt in need of some stimulation. However, it is quite nice to be in anticipation of something too, so I guess all is well.

Having been said, I'm open to topics related to Japan or Japanese culture. If anyone has a suggestion for a topic or question, etc., please let me know.

Generosity

I noticed this article on the news today, which almost brought me to tears:

Warren Buffett donates $37 billion to Bill Gates Foundation

My dream is not to be as rich as this man, but as generous.

Awesome

"The US Episcopal Church has chosen a woman as its next leader - making it the first church anywhere in the Anglican denomination to do so..." : a change for Anglicans

and as long as we're on the subject of religion, the following is an interactive site created by zen monks in Kyoto : do-not-zzz

and as long as we're on that subject, now for something completely different...
The 2003 National Rock Paper Scissors Competition!

What is solid and charged with energy?

(insert your cleverest answer:___________)


Something I note recently about Aikido practice--while practicing tenkan(the changing-direction exercise), it 'works' with a variety of training partners.

I've been working on maintaining a solidness through the exercise from the arm, through the shoulder, and through the turn. Not a rigidness with force, but a solidness in the curve of my arm to my pinky. And, well, maintaining it through my wrist being grabbed.
And sort of charging my body with energy while doing this. I discovered that by extending my arms during rowing practice, I could up my energy with the extension. People always told me to 'extend, extend,' but I think I've been extending and sort of giving away whatever energy came from that extension. But now I want to work to understand what's happening and to build that energy and cultivate it.

I got a couple of 'mmm...'s from my partner at practice last night, instead of the usual 'no, do it this way,' and such. Similar thing happened with someone else.

I want to go into this deeper...

I have to say, it sucks for me when I have to teach classes by myself. Today, two of the teachers I team-teach with got called out of school for meetings, so they asked me to cover for them. It's not that I don't like teaching; I like that. But if I can't explain things clearly to the students, if I can't answer their questions clearly, and if sometimes I just can't find the words at all to convey what I need, it's very tough.

Ideally, I could conduct these classes mostly in English. However, most of the students come from a background without much skill in English listening comprehension, so mostly I just get blank stares, and the time blobs by as if we're living in a lava lamp.

Most of the students have no clue how difficult it is for me when they won't say if they understand or not. I have no idea what to do in that case. I don't know if they understand, but won't say, don't understand the assignment, or just don't understand my Japanese.

Sigh... for the first time in, well, maybe the first time this year, I almost lost it today--wanted to explode or just sit down and give up. And so it goes...

A Night at the Opera!

I went to see a performance of 'The Magic Flute' by Mozart tonight.
The performance was in Japanese (with a Japanese cast), so I brought a little libretto so I could follow what they were saying in English.

I know the tendency to become sleepy at long performances, so my expectation for myself was that I might get sleepy for the first half, and then have patience through the second, but I found instead that I was totally drawn in from the beginning. I found that Mozart's story was so creative. It began with a giant serpent chasing a prince. The prince almost gets killed, but then 3 ladies appear with silver spears and slay the serpent.
A guy dressed in feathers(Papageno) appears and finds the prince almost dead. When the prince wakes up Papageno lies and tells the prince that he was the one who killed the serpent. The 3 ladies overhear and get angry and put a magical lock on Papageno's mouth so that he cannot speak, and therefore cannot lie.
But soon, the ladies come back again and remove the lock, saying that their master, the Queen of the Night, has told them to have mercy on him.
Papageno and the ladies sing back and forth to each other:

Papageno: "I will never lie again!"

Ladies: "Let the lock be a warning to you!"

Papageno: "Let the lock be a warning to me!"

All: "If only every liar had a lock like this upon hir mouth: then would hate, calumny(slander), and rancour(ill will) be replaced by love and brotherhood!"

Again and again, I found similarly simple stories with equally universal messages.

I was profoundly affected by the symbolism of the magic flute itself, which I saw as the power of music to bring joy to life. I thought the Queen of the Night's struggle for power over Sarastro(the lord of the temple of the sun?), showed how disharmony in one's self throws the entire world off balance.

My favorite part is when the prince, Tamino, and Pamino, the daughter of the Queen of the Night, finally get to be together.
How did Mozart present this beautiful moment? He had them enter 'the gates of fear' together, and walk through fire and floods. Tamino holds the flute out in front of them both; he leads the way through the fire, and she leads through the flood. I believe this symbolized the trials of marriage, and how each must protect and support the other at different times through life. The flute was the power of joy, and especially the joy of music, which was always leading them safely through fear.

Actually, it's not too much my interpretation. Just as they begin to walk, they sing together, "We walk, by the power of music, in joy through death's dark night." Afterwards, they are allowed to enter the temple of the sun, which I think might be the heavens.

Anyway, I'm amazed, enlighted, surprised, changed and maybe most importantly, totally convinced of the power of music to bring joy and illumination to life. For the first time in my life, I feel that I witnessed Mozart's true genius personally.

I should say that the person I went with did fall asleep and certainly wasn't crying during the second act(like me) to my knowledge. So the musical training I've had to this point probably made it easier for me to have this kind of experience with this opera. Just shows the benefit that may be possible from training oneself in any way.

I don't know how I expect anyone to respond to this post, but I really, really wanted to write about my experience and my thoughts on tonight's performance.