This month started with a demo with the Aishinkan group on July 1st. Sakabe Sensei put the whole thing on by himself, so it was a pretty amazing experience to be a part of. The Shoheijuku Aikikai school's demo in Fukuoka was much larger, but I enjoyed participating in this one just as much if not more. I had a lot of freedom in my own personal demo, and there were a lot of different kinds of demos to participate in. Sensei's speech at the end was interesting too. He talked about the fundamentals and some of the more universal aspects of Aikido. I wish I could somehow show you some of the video... big project, "learn to use computer." (By the way, my name was listed in the program (4x!) like this: トーレン　ジュリー. cool, huh?)

Hey, also, there was that awful typhoon that came here Saturday. I had language class in the city that morning before it came. (By the way, I passed the practice Japanese Proficiency Test in class!!) When I got back, the wind was already starting to blow things around, so I shut myself up in the house for the rest of the day. There was almost no rain or storming, so it really wasn't all that bad. But I imagine it must have been terrible up in the Tokyo area when it finally took on its full force.

I'm gonna post this now even though it's not done. Experiencing technical difficulties--computer cut out three times now. first time that's ever happened, cutting out, I mean.

Guess this will have to wait a little longer...

If you throw yourself a rope, who is pulling whom?

I had really wanted to go to practice tonight in the city, but I feel terrible. To clarify, there's nothing wrong with me physically. I had wanted to go, I'd had enough time to get there, but I just couldn't bring myself to get in the car and go somehow. The same thing happened last Friday, which makes me feel worse. Friday's Aikido class is really the only day we have enough time to break things down and work on forms and other things slowly, as well as goof around and have fun with each other after class. I feel so sad that I am sitting here now and not over there. What a sucky sort of thing to say, that I'd rather be somewhere other than where I am. Can we ever find happiness by saying such things?

And what am I doing instead of being there? Nothing. I've just been sitting on my bed, staring at nothing. I decided to go to sleep at 7pm. If I had left then, I could've done class. But I went to sleep and woke up groggy and tired. It reeks of depression. I find this embarrasing to write about, especially because I feel I could have prevented it. I've been feeling occasionally understimulated and sad since my friend left a week and a half ago and my family left about 3 weeks ago. (The two packages of crackers and juice for dinner certainly didn't help my mood either, but...) Somehow, I didn't move fast or skilfully enough tonight, and I let my feelings of apathy overtake the power of action. If I had caught on to what was happening sooner I'd have forced myself out of the house and I would've probably been fine.

So, the only thing I could think to do that I thought would help was to write all this down here. And somehow, it does seem to be making me feel better. I think I'll do something to take care of myself now, go for a walk or go get some different food. I suppose I just needed a little perspective. Situations such as these, where I need a rope, are becoming rarer. Maybe if I save up all those ropes I'll have one to throw in case someone else needs one. Maybe Regis will call me.


By the way, I have a few days left to finish up '30 days early,' and I want to be sure to do that properly.
I'll begin again on Monday, and finish up June with minutes to spare!!

Money For Nothing

Interesting development: I went to check out another Aikido teacher. Seeing as I'm so contented under the guidance of Sakabe Sensei, you might wonder why I would wander off to have a lesson under a different teacher.

Well, even within Aikido, just like so much else, there are politics. Since the founder Ueshiba O'Sensei died some 38 years ago, what we know as 'Aikido' today is mainly the Aikido that was spread and developed 'for the masses' by O'Sensei's son. As well, there were other teachers, such as Sunadomari Sensei, who created his own schools of practice, even before Ueshiba O'Sensei's son had made these developments. Sunadomari Sensei is known as a 'prewar' student, one who studied with the founder primarily before World War II. When I saw Sakabe Sensei's class for the first time, it looked different from the Aikido I had seen before, and this explains why.

The politics extend further--Sunadomari Sensei is Sakabe Sensei's teacher, and Sunadomari Sensei is the head of the Honbu(headquarters) dojo in Kumamoto City. It's the largest dojo under this school, the Aiki Manseido Aikido schools. Some time ago, however, Sunadomari Sensei decided to call his style 'Manseido,' or some variation of that which did not include the term Aikido. He told his students that this new art was not to be called 'Aikido' anymore, and that if they wanted to call what they were doing 'Aikido' they would have to go off and form their own group.

So that's what Sakabe Sensei did, ten years ago. He broke off, formed his own group called Aishinkan Aikido, and gathered a following. Then, after a few years had passed, for reasons unknown, Sunadomari Sensei changed the name again to 'Aiki Manseido Aikido,' and began to call the art 'Aikido' again. Sakabe Sensei, I gather, didn't know what to do, so he remained separate, and continued the Aishinkan schools he had started. And here we are today.

But after the demonstration last month in Kumamoto City put on by the Manseido schools, I got a phone call from a man named Honda, a 7th dan teacher at the Honbu dojo telling me that he was starting a class in Tamana. He asked me if I wanted to join, not knowing that I was already training at Aishinkan, so it was a hard call for me. I had to consult my 'inner resources' to reach the conclusion to go and try it out.

When I did go, two weeks ago, I had a fine time; nothing particularly mind-blowing or different from Furu-san's Tuesday night beginner's class. Therefore, I figured my best bet would be to ask Sakabe Sensei if it would be all right to go to Honbu dojo itself so I could learn more about Manseido and, therefore, also Aishinkan. Luckily, and with the help of my good friend translating, I did get that permission.

Here's the money: I got a call from Honda Sensei again tonight. Because his class is full of beginners and there is no one advanced enough to take falls or execute throws, he asked me if I would come back to help him. He wants me to be his uke, his assistant in the demonstrations, and in exchange, he's offered me membership into the Aiki Manseido Aikido schools for free. That's serious money for nothing. Having received the OK from Sakabe Sensei to do as I please, I said yes to Honda Sensei, and begin my 'uke-ship' on Wednesday. It's feels like a break for me--I'm kind of excited already. I'm sure I'll learn a lot too.

BTW, I know I really like talking about the Aikido stuff, but there are a couple of other things I want to share. I wanted Linda to know that I'm thinking of her and sending my love, and thanks to Susan for giving me a square kick in the behind, love to Dad on this day after Father's Day, and thanks again to my friend J who helped me so much when he was here. I'm really glad you could make it finally again, even under the circumstances. (And blu, please start blogging again!)

Very, very sorrying now but, good night. :-)

The End of Act Three

Highly moved by requests received in the long time since we have met here, I'd like to open a new page on the journey into the face of Japan, currently, and in my life. Thank you for being patient while I was silent, and also for reminding me that whether I'm aware of it or not, this writing has significance in people's lives.

When we did last chat, life was beginning to pick up in speed. My trip to Yakushima, the island of emerald green forests and crystal clear waters, had come to an end and, having discovered a force of mystical proportions drawing me towards Sakabe Sensei, we wondered what would lay in the future. The time for waffling on the decision to stay or go was getting shorter and shorter...

Then, just a couple of weeks after, the impossible happened. My mom actually got onto a plane and came out to Japan to see me. I remember the time when she told me that she would never come, that she didn't really have much interest in seeing Japan, that it would be tough dealing with the flight and the jet lag, and wouldn't I be coming home soon anyway??

It helped that my brother came along. That was really nice and wonderful because I don't know if mom would have come otherwise. And so, we spent a week tromping about on this old island.

I pushed them through a pretty full schedule because people usually respond to high expectations, especially if they know it will be worth it all in the end. We went to the castle in Kumamoto, explored the shopping district, and ate green tea ice cream following a walk through Tamana's Iris Festival down at the canal. In the middle of the week, I drove us in my friend Etsuko's van to Aso, the heart of the firelands which is the heart of the island of Kyushu. We dined the old fashioned way, our table being the grill, our food covered with sweet miso paste.

On the last full day of our adventures, we met Furu-san in the morning, and he drove us out to meet Sensei in the city. The place he took us to meet could be the subject of a whole other post. It was an immensely huge warehouse filled with collectibles in every category, so much that they were literally spilling out of the place. From top to bottom, neatly cramped in were clothes, cards(anime, baseball, soccer, postcards, playing cards, etc.), stuffed animals(big, small, anime, realistic, movie-themed, food themed, etc.), miniatures(dolls, foods, action figures, etc.) records, etc., etc. And et cetera--you get the picture. Entirely ridiculous, as, in my experience, only Japanese have orchestrated to such an extent.

Sakabe Sensei was a little late, so we got time to browse the goods. Left our mouths watering, my brother's especially, as soon as he noticed the old and highly bizarre record collection. I, of course, got caught in the miniatures section. I couldn't stop looking at all the mini Japanese food. There were boxed lunches, king crabs from Hokkaido, the northern island, and chestnuts from our very own Kumamoto. I peeled my eyes off the mini box of monkey bananas and collected my brother from the back shelves as Furu-san called us to go.

Sensei drove us all the way down south to the Amakusa Islands, where he was born. We drove over the five famed 'Bridges of Amakusa.' We stop to look out on the fog, in the direction of Nagasaki and also China at several points along the way. We had seafood for lunch, an Amakusa speciality. I was surprised and pleased at my mother's bravery in trying the local cuisine. (An interesting point to note is that I translated the entire day, with additions by Furu-san every now and then when he could think of the English word for something. It was my first real time translating for two parties, and I was wrecked at the end, although my family says I did a fine job. I gained a new respect for what translators must go through to empty themselves of their own thoughts and be open to the interpretation of others at any given moment.)



The culmination of the trip, in my mind, was to accompany my mother back to her hotel and wish her good night from my heart, and go off to talk with my brother for several hours. If, aside from enlightenment, the next most precious gift to the spirit is relationship, then my spirit was surely bright after that night talking together. My brother, both of my brothers, in fact, are incredibly sensitive human beings, just as we all seem to be when it comes down to it. But to be able to have the slightest glimpse of his vulnerabilities and recollections of (unextinguishable!) dreams, there was no place that I felt I wanted to be than right there with my family near.

There are so many details I'm leaving out. Feel free to call me on any of them, okay bro or mom?

Thank you, you guys, for a great trip together and for enduring a long travel to get to this part of the world. To Mom, you've supported me in my life here and helped me to get through challenging times, and that you could finally end up seeing some of these things for yourself was delightful for me. You're great at bowing too, but you already know that. Jay, I get the feeling you are about to launch any day. Store up on fuel in the meantime, right? Talk to you soon.

And gratitude to those people who asked me(more than once) to keep on blogging. Please enjoy the fourth act. And my love and best to you.

Day 26 -- Rapid Changes

Yesterday, I made a transliteration of the AikiManseido("Aikido for the Whole World") creed, so I can begin to recite it in class. It's something that was composed by the Sunadomari Sensei, the head of AikiManseido and a student of Ueshiba O'Sensei(Aikido's founder). He was Sakabe Sensei's teacher, too, for a long time until Sakabe Sensei started his own dojos. You can see the original Japanese brushed here. I'm not going to try to translate it here because I couldn't do it justice in English. But I will translate the first sentence, and that is " 'Aiki' means 'the manifestation of love.' "

I go to the 53rd anniversary demonstration of Manseido this Sunday, where I hope to see Sunadomari Sensei for the first time. I'm waiting in anticipation of this event. He's something like 81 or 82 years old. I wonder what kind of demonstration it will be...

It is dawning on me how powerful this martial art's potential is to change a person.


Total minutes early: 210

Day 25 -- Sensei and the Island

As I said earlier, I got the chance to go to Yakushima Island last week for three days with Sakabe Sensei and two other people. Yakushima Island is south of here, way down near Okinawa.

The whole island is covered with green, and although it was clear the whole time we were there, it was really apparent how much it must rain to become sheeted over with moss and so full of life. What astonished me the most about the place was the island's seeming ability to regenerate itself, even though a lot of logging had taken up til the mid-1960s. It had that kind of magic about it, pine trees which had grown on old stumps, banyan trees reaching down and forming new roots with their branches, and huge, ancient cedars carrying dozens of forms of different plant life in their branches.


There were plenty of small deer who pretty much ignored us, monkeys, who stared at us, and the colorful fish we could see from the glass-bottom boat. I ate a flying fish(cost about $8). That makes me really feel special somehow (. . *)V . I also ate something called 'kame no te,' or turtle's hand. It's actually a kind of shellfish that really looks like a turtle's paw. It tasted like clam.



There were three really spectacular waterfalls. One was 88 meters high, one was just beautiful, and the last one, pictured here fell directly into the ocean. I hear that's pretty rare for a waterfall.

I did get to go hiking in the Princess Mononoke inspired forest, and although it was quite an enchanted forest, the hike was easier than I'd imagined, so it didn't have much of a feeling of being hidden away.
Even still, I could have spent a lot more time in that forest. For a few moments, Sakabe Sensei and I sat looking at the trees in silence, and he and I were both reluctant to get up when it was time to go. We shared a few moments like this. All in all, I have to say that my experience with Sensei for those three days was different than I would have imagined.
Sensei on the mat astounds me. I become alive watching him; alert beyond thought. I have even felt once or twice that he could have been my father in a different time, because of the way that he kindly takes care of me, but is also strict. This is on the mat.

Off the mat, he's friendly enough, but I was surprised by some quirks that started to come out after a few days of close contact. Well, to start, he wore the same clothes the whole time, a dingy sort of suit, but he kept asking me to take his picture, so I got a lot of pictures of him. His camera was apparently 'maybe working,' same with his video camera. I didn't get that exactly. He took pictures with his camera even though the screen didn't turn on.

What else? He made us pay as a group several times, and when it came to sort out money, we each had accumulated receipts. The totals had to be added, divided, and it was messy. At the end, Sensei brought up that he had lost some of the receipts from his group purchases, so we had to give him an amount based on his estimation. I like to keep watch over my finances these days, so I was a little erked by the mystery of the lost receipts.

Otherwise, the language barrier difficulties were to be expected. It was Sensei, two fellows in their young 30s and me. Sensei nor the other two spoke English, except for the random katakanized word from Katsuki-san when he could think of it. I did my best, but it was a bit rough by the end, when my brain had burst onto the floor from Japanese overload.

It was a good experience, and I had a nice chance to reflect and could get to know Sensei much, much better. We had practice Monday night, and I was right. The nicey-nicey stage seems to be over. I broke a real sweat and joined the gang. And I felt lucky to have such a teacher and that we all have each other.

I wish I could devote more time to making this writing better, but I don't seem to be able to find the time. It's 1:30am now. I was late today, I'm really sorry to report, because I overslept after last night's hard training. I'll be up again and early tomorrow though.

No minutes to add this time. Total: 202

Day 24 -- Review, Realign

We're in the middle of what is known here as Golden Week. It's the time of the year when the Japanese calendar has a built-in vacation, and it's traditionally been a time when my schedule is packed. Here's the review of Golden Week mid-action:

Friday, I didn't post because although it wasn't a holiday, it was a special day for the schools in the area, something like an area-wide inter-high school competition day. I went out to Tamana High School to watch the swim team. Our swim team has one member, but she's a really strong swimmer. She also has an interest in English and will be an exchange student in our sister city Clarinda, Iowa, next year. She took first place for women. Woohoo!

Saturday, Sakabe Sensei invited me to participate in his weekly Aikido marathon, in which he teaches four 1 1/2 hour classes at a community center in Kumamoto City in the same day. My allergies were terrible, really distracting, and I felt like I had a big cloud floating inside my head, but I trained the four classes anyway. There was a fifth class, but I couldn't go because it was farther away and I had made some plans for dinner with someone. Sakabe Sensei had some injury to his knee from class the night before, and he was limping, but he still taught all the classes. I have to say, I was pretty useless in helping him, sadly. He'd asked me, sort of jokingly, to teach the children's class in the afternoon, but I think he was actually serious. Me, I was thinking, "What, is he nuts?! I just started this, I don't understand it. How could I teach it?" So I just participated and felt a little foolish because I was about at the same level as these six and seven year-olds, even though I was wearing a black belt.

The mats were really hard, so I got a couple of bruises on my shoulders from rolling. My falling form had become so sloppy from lack of discipline in the recent years, and I'm really paying for it now. The emphasis in the falling in this school is on back rolling out of most everything. I have to take much more time to retrain my body to do this kind of fall. I'm wondering how I can do it. I'm tired of retraining myself. That's the problem with changing teachers--they each need you to do it their way. The thing is that I really want to do it this school's way as opposed to any other school. I just need a little more energy and time. And I wonder how I'll manage when I come home...

Sunday, I had some time to relax, and had dinner with a friend. Having relaxing time with friends, time to talk and chill out and have meaningful communication is rare, and I treasured that time with her.

Finally, yesterday, I went with a different friend to the renowned Arita Pottery Festival in Saga Prefecture. I've heard it's one of the most popular pottery festivals in the world. You can find any kind of Japanese dish or bowl you could dream of, in any price range from around 50cents (for nice stuff!) to hundreds of thousands of dollars(zillions of yen). There are hundreds of stands out in the streets, and behind them, hundreds of stores are displaying their unique styles. Kilns from all over Japan show up here; porcelin is also here. My third time here in three years, I stuck to my budget like glue and had a very nice time shopping and looking.

You guys, I'm getting off track in these last days of "30 days early." I'm still arriving early, which is good, but I'm getting up later and later. I've been skipping parts of the routine, like fixing my hair nicely, or something like that. I want to start again as if I'm on Day 1. But it's Day 24, and I was 8 minutes early.

Tomorrow, I've got one more shot to wake up refreshed and lively, and be early before I go off to Yakushima for 3 days. Yakushima is the nature-island that evoked the imagery that can be found in the movie Princess Mononoke. I'll go with Sakabe Sensei and two other Aikido fellows.

Total minutes early: 202

Day 23 -- Woman's Day

Last night, I woke up in the middle of the night, noted the dull pain in my lower abdomen, and marveled at being a woman. My cycles are not predictable, but for several cycles now, I have been able to sense the first physical sensations in my abdomen hours ahead of time. Those first sensations are extremely subtle, and I didn't catch them for years. I find it fascinating when my body collaborates with my hormones, my stress level, and nature's rhythms to alter my state and change me, month after month after month.

I got chills and feverish for about an hour today, but I decided not to take a painkiller. I usually take ibuprofen. Today, somehow, I just wanted to feel the cycle as is. Feeling my natural way reminds me of my special gifts and responsibilities. I even had a moment of feeling grateful, where the pain didn't feel like pain, but just like a sensation, like when you touch bath water and for a moment you aren't sure whether it is very hot or very cold.

I love being a woman.


Total minutes early: 194

Day 22 -- Feast Your Eyes(Sirdar inspired)

One of my favorite parts of being here, as I shared before, is the food. For presentation, freshness, quality, variety and taste, I wonder where one can find such splendor as here in Japan. I don't eat meat, but I do eat seafood, and the possible taste combinations even with a limited diet, are endless. I wanted to share with you a vision of just a few of the meals I've been able to feast on. Have you all ever partaken in this kind of Japanese meal? All of these shots are from onsen(hot springs) houses, specialty restaurants, or izakayas(small restaurants with bars). I can remember where I ate each of these meals.






They go back to this one on the right here. I was having a sayonara party with members of the Arao International Commitee, before I moved to Tamana. I was served the eye because I was the guest of honor. It had a hard core I had to spit out. First and last time, I hope, I have to try eating an eye. It was also at this party where I was served a "mystery sushi." It was tasty, but I was not happy to have eaten it when I learned it was whale.




This fish on the left was from the bonnenkai, the year-end party with the Shoheijuku Aikido folks. Sometimes you can see sashimi raw fish come out and the fish's head is still moving and the tail is still flipping. It's a little strange to see, but of course, guaranteed fresh.



A lot of the celebratory meals for events like parties, ceremonies, etc., are of this style, with many small dishes and several courses. Almost invariably, after eating the first items, usually fresh or raw and reminiscent of the season, out comes tempura, some kind of hearty pudding or soup, and last is white rice, tea, and usually fruit for dessert. One of these meals is from $30-$80. Not bad, considering the experience.



Later, I'll show you some photos of home-cooked meals I've eaten, plus some other made-in-Japan specialties. Japanese home-cooking was new to me when I came here, and I'm still learning about it. I don't know if many of the foods from Japanese home-cooking can be found in my home, Colorado. Maybe you can spot some you are familiar with.

But that's for a later date.

Total minutes early: 185

Day 21 -- Thrills

Jeez, Sirdar, you should have told me to take pics before I went! Actually, it rained all day, pouring for the most part, so fog covered whatever views might have been seen from the car and the dojo. It was a nice place, inside a community center building, with wood paneling and a spacious mat area, fairly new. I could see some mountains towering over the building through the mist, and I imagine it would be a sight to see on a clear day. I'll take a bunch of pictures next time.


The oldest dojo I've been to, believe it or not, is smack dab in the middle of Kumamoto City. I'll definitely go and take some pictures of that place when I get the chance. It looks like a run-down haunted house sitting alongside of a shrine, with tall buildings surrounding on all sides. Furu-san took me there the day of the hanami cherry blossom party in the city. That reminds me: I do have a picture from the hanami I'd like to share. This is O-san doing "Thriller" under the cherry trees. (Well, it was some Japanese form of "Thriller," but it didn't actually have the same words or the same tune. But in my mind, it was "Thriller.") We actually did go and sing real karaoke with a real banana for a mic after this pic was taken.

Today I was 10 minutes early. I'm still working on the waking up part.

Matthew--genki desu yo. I feel pretty lucky to have been able to come over and learn all the things I'm learning. I think I got lucky in one particular regard by originally being placed way out here in the boonies. I live in a kind of suburb, which is even more forgotten than the countryside, I think. I have a lot of chances to experience the Japanese lifestyle I don't think I could have if I was say, close to Tokyo or Osaka. It can feel isolating at times, but I'm grateful to have the chance to be here. Thanks for the thoughts and for reading.

Total minutes early: 175

Day 20

Tomorrow morning, I'm going to a place called Aso, which is really pretty deep in the countryside. There's a volcano that is famous there. I went there on my first week in Japan(back in '04!) and bought a piece of bright yellow sulphur at the tourist stand overlooking the lava pool, which by the way, was green.

There are some other countryside-type events that Aso is famous for, the most exciting of which is the annual fire festival. It's a traditional burning of the fields, but they've turned it into a pyrotechnic's heaven. People take turns lighting barrels of hay on fire, swinging them around, and I think, throwing them. There are all sorts of flamed-filled events, the last of which is to light a giant "火"(fire) on the side of one mountain. I heard from a friend the mountain is huge and the symbol looks about a quarter-mile long! I've never been, but if I can, I'd like to go next March. (Click here to read more on this festival and other cool events that happen around here.)

Anyway, I'll be going tomorrow to Aso with Sakabe Sensei a few other members of the dojo. I'm looking forward to training in the quiet peace of nature, and afterwards hanging out with Sakabe Sensei and the others, maybe watching videos of O'Sensei at his house in the city.

I was early on Friday morning. That part is getting much easier. So, before I finish the 30 days, I want to focus mostly on the getting up part because the being early part has gotten much easier. I'm grateful for the comments and support I've been getting. It helps.

Total minutes early: 165

Day 19 -- The Day That Had to Come

Well, I suppose today had to come. So tired from working hard and getting to bed late for several days now, I woke up when the alarm went off, and then slept an extra 20 minutes. Funny, I was still early(9 minutes) and I didn't regret the decision to sleep in afterwards.

On another topic, I resisted the urge to watch that video with the killer from Virginia on it. What's the point in releasing something like that into the public? I dunno. I didn't watch it, so maybe there was some point. But it seems wrong somehow. Like spreading negativity across the world or something. Obviously, people have a lot of thoughts about this topic. Feel free to comment if you like.



Total minutes early: 157

Day 18 -- Sluggishness!

Would've thought by now I'd exhausted the list of tiny invaders into my humble Japanese abode. The slugs were brought in accidently by yours truly. A little old lady who lives next to the school saw me walking while she was working in her garden. She yelled "Sensei!!" from far, far away, and I almost didn't hear. Then I stopped, turned and realized she was calling to me. She scuttled over to me and said she'd been saving me some beans. This was our first meeting, but she must have seen me walking by before and guessed I was a teacher at the school. So I took the beans, gave her my cow and now there is a huge beanstalk growing in my kitchen. Then she decided she wanted me to have some lettuce too, so she dug up four heads, put them in bag, and sent me off.

Four heads is a lot of lettuce for one person. I put them in the sink and kept them in water so they wouldn't wilt, and I ate a whole head for lunch. When I came home tonight, there were slugs crawling all over the sink! Sigh... do slugs have a lot of protein?

I got up again this morning to a happy little tune. I got up right away without thinking. Little by little...



Total minutes early: 148

Day 17 -- Got Up But Still Klutzing Around

Last night, after I blogged, I crashed. Recently, I've been sleepy and tired and haven't had much time that is not occupied by teaching, cooking, studying or doing Aikido. I don't have time to feel lonely or sad, or even happy. I don't know what to make of it. But I do remember what it feels like to be in training again.

It feels like the teacher is taking a spoon, and scooping out the inside of me, taking out all the junk and leaving a shell of myself. Into that, the teacher shovels in overwhelming amounts of information. It's wonderful and exhausting at the same time.

Right now, I'm just trying to catch on to the basic drills in class. There are 10 or 15 basic drills/kata, I estimate, mixed into class time. They use different footwork patterns and movements from various attacks. Some are from seated, some from standing, some from hanmi-handachi(one person sits, the other stands). At this point, I'm mostly concerned with which foot is forward and which is back, and whether I should be turning my hand up or down, for example, yet I know that there is a much more sensitive and subtle exchange going on in these drills. It's hard to know that deeper level is occuring while I am klutzing around.

Class is a lot of this "no thinking time" stuff. Everything is so fast, faster than I've ever done training before. Of course, I'm still learning, so people slow down for me, and the teacher often comes over and we go through the footwork together or some such thing, but I know that if I don't start picking these things up, I won't get this special treatment much longer. So, I'm wondering how to retain, and what I can do on my own, and how I can improve more quickly. This is all kind of exciting for me.

Anyway, I was so tired that I waited til this morning to take my (nightly) shower. So, I was but 5 minutes early. Today, however, I got up right when the alarm went off. I didn't try, like we talked about. Somehow, I just woke up, and got up. It was a very natural feeling. I want to do that tomorrow, too.

Until then, sayonara!

Total minutes early: 142

Day 16 -- No Time to Think

11 minutes early. And up 15 minutes earlier than last week. I found a bunch of cute tunes on my alarm/keitai(cell phone). So I'm waking up to happy melodies like Rhapsody in Blue, I've Got Rhythm, Clair de Lune, etc. It's niiiice :-)

I'll try putting my alarm further away from the bed, although I don't want to. It's a case of wanting to wake up happy as opposed to alarmed or annoyed. But I will try, because it is reasonable suggestion and it might turn out to be a good thing. We'll see.


Tonight's Aikido practice was "dame datta." "Dame datta" is a great Japanese phrase that means "abominably bad ." It is usually used to refer to one's own hideous abilities, as in "How did you do on your Japanese test?" "Dame datta," or in this case, "I failed utterly." Sometimes it is used to tell small children that have been really naughty. They usually cry because no one likes to be told "dame datta." It also means "It was no good," "It was useless," "My feet were crossed half the time in Aikido class," and so on. A very useful Japanese phrase.

I found that although my body was fine, my brain had burnt out earlier in the day, after 4 classes and two meetings. Furu-san happily chatted away during the hour-long car ride to the Musashi Traditional Arts Center while I sat unable to understand a good part of the conversation but too out-of-it to take the time to clarify what we were talking about. I know there was an urn, that time he got a black eye, and a part-time job involved, but I'm not sure of the correlation.

Class, as usual, was a high-speed blur of Sakabe Sensei executing one righteous technique after another, followed by my poor attempts to imitate all-around. He works with a variety of people when demonstrating-- black belts, white belts, two people, sometimes even four people, and we use wooden knives, swords and staffs every class. I think my favorite part of class right now is when we do what he calls "ukemi renshuu" or falling practice.

He'll call up each person individually and have them attack him again and again and again. Then he'll call up someone different [and sometimes ask them to bring a weapon--for me tonight it was jo(staff)] And he'll keep throwing on and on, until he's thrown everyone and they're beat. But he doesn't get out of breath. He's very wonderful at moving with little effort, and at keeping his breathing under control.

Before I know it, class has flashed by like lightning, and we even dash across the mats with our janitor's brooms, maybe 6 or 7 of us at once, to clean afterwards. It would make me laugh, but I don't have any time to think at all.

When class is over, undoubtedly I'm the last one to put away my gear and change. Beats me how everyone is so efficient but so relaxed. I have a lot to learn. Too bad nothing stuck tonight. There's always tomorrow, I suppose. And that reminds me that training to be very efficient with time is going to help me even more in the mornings...

total minutes early: 137

Day 15 -- Aikido rocked again

For some reason now, my mind is confused and subtley believes that 7 minutes is 10 minutes.

I tell myself as I walk out the door, "Now self, you aren't going to be 10 minutes early if you leave the house with only 3 minutes to get to school."
See, this is true, but it's too late at that point.

I just know the secret lies in getting up the moment I wake up. How, oh how, can I do that?? I want to, I will myself to, but I have yet to be consistently successful. Well, Monday I get to try again. That's the great part about a self-challenge. I can just keep trying until I get it. I'm not impatient with myself, and I know I won't learn if I'm hard on myself or try to trick myself with rewards and such. How does it go...: 'The slow and steady early bird catches the worm." no. "You can fool yourself some of the time...," wait wait wait. "Time flies when you get up late."

I got it. The moral of the story is: "Time flies when you can fool yourself some of the time, but the slow and steady early bird never confuses 10 minutes with 7." Thank you very much.


Once again, I appreciate the comments. Hope you decide to stick around Matthew, and good luck. As for chocolate, I am learning about that, yes. Life really is turning out to be shorter than I had thought. What I mean to say is that I've lived a good deal of my youth, and I don't feel like I made all that many decisions about how I want to live.

Figuring out what I really want is very hard. It's takes patience to sort through the important vs. the essential, conviction to believe in the dream once having seen it, and dedication to follow through and see it come to life. And those wonderful examples of heroes we were talking about before -- where would I be without those? Probably sleeping away life in despair.

So, there is milk chocolate or bitter chocolate, and not as many people are able to love the bitter as they love the milk. But seeing as they are all chocolate, wouldn't it be amazing if they all seemed, somehow, to taste, well... good?

Total minutes early: 126

Days 13 + 14 -- Heroes and Lovers (and kids)

I was 7 minutes early yesterday and today. It wasn't easy, but it's getting easier still.

I appreciate the comments from Day 12. I thought a lot about them yesterday. I wonder if I could ever be someone's hero, inspire someone the way my heroes inspire me. I thought about what my heroes have in common with each other. It surprised me to notice that there are no violinists specifically among my heroes. I found it strange because I play the violin.

I also thought about if my life will be complete if I get married and have kids. More and more, I think I just want to be plain old happy, and live an uncomplicated life, whatever that is. But I also want to live life with a deep meaning and especially with a connection to my/the universe's nature. You know what I mean. I don't want to sleep through life and wait for it to be over.

I wish I could say that I've decided I'm getting married and going to have kids or not going to get married and have kids, but something there in that realm has yet to become complete for me.

Namely, I can't decide whether to stay here in Japan for another year or come home. If I stay, I probably won't get married for a while. If I come home, I expect that I will probably get married and more than likely have children much sooner. And if neither of those things will come about, I suppose I will either become a nun or a rich old lady. Score!

But I don't know what to do just now. I need some new goals because the old ones are starting to get, you guessed it -- old -- and not motivate me anymore. I have to decide what I want for the coming time. I already know no one will do that for me. It's nice to have a say for yourself!

That being said, I do have confidence that I will be at least 10 minutes early tomorrow to work. wink wink

Total minutes early: 119

Day 12 -- A New Way

I did it. 10 minutes early and done in a leisurely manner.

I have the feeling recently that my life is being cleansed. My desk at work is clean. The clutter that used to take up space in my house is gone. I know what's in my closets. There sits on my bed a pile of clean, folded clothes. The dishes are also done. Having arrived home from Aikido about an hour ago, I am also now clean.

A few weeks ago I took care of a bunch of those things I'd been meaning to do for a long time: buying a rod for the curtain across from the door, polishing my boots, making space in the front tatami room, buying a new bag for my weapons, vacuuming the inside of the car, etc. I even cleaned out my email box and replied to all those old ones that had been sitting there for too long.

So I had said before that I am full and empty. Life is full of classes and students and teachers and goldfish and mendelssohn and kanji and suwariwaza shomenuchi ikkyo ura. There are drinking parties and conveyor belt sushi bonanzas and taiko drumming games and iris festivals and castles and okonomiyaki. There is English club, Kado club, Japanese class, Sunday tutoring, Thursday night out, etc., etc., etc.

And yet, the dishes are done.

Full, yet empty.

This is a new way of being for me. It's exciting, full of potential.
I feel something as I gaze at the picture of the man sitting in the middle of his own spider web.

Total: 105 minutes early

Day 11 -- 6 minutes past the punch

I'm so enthralled with this new Aikido I've been learning. Class whips by and all the meanwhile I find myself absorbed for its entirety.

Tonight I was a little late for class, but it wasn't actually because of me. I've been driving to class with the guy who teaches me on Tuesdays, and he works right up to the minute we have to leave for class. He tells me it's only Mondays, and I ask him if it's only school teachers who work every day of the week in Japan. He assures me that he is not a workaholic, and we get on our way.

This guy himself is pretty cool. He doesn't even know he's cool, which is so fun. Apart from having studied this style of Aikido for 7 years, he does karate twice a week. He's been doing that for four years.

I didn't have my Japanese language class at the YMCA last Saturday, so I went to train with him at the Tamana budokan (martial arts hall). Unfortunately, he'd gotten hit by a punch to the solar plexus in Friday night's karate class, and he couldn't move his neck! Needless to say, it was a light training session, and low and behold by today, Monday, with the help of a chiropractor, he has 'fully' recovered. That reminds me of a post I once wrote about the astonishing medical care I've been witness to here.

All this and I was only 4 minutes early this morning to work. How that's related, I don't know. My dad implies I should be able to make this 'missed time' up, if the same holds true for time as it does for sleep. But I can't make these minutes up. These are my life. I can't get time back. Every time I don't reach my goal, I have to try again to do what I set out to do, no excuses!!!

Let's add: 91 + 4 = 95 minutes early.

And 19 days left to arrive!!

Days 9 and 10 -- Little Obstacles

I apologize for not getting yesterday's time up yesterday. I was 9 minutes early.

I was 7 minutes early today. Straight after last night's welcome party for the new teachers, I came home and fell asleep. I didn't wake up until morning and when I did, I was still in my clothes! So I hoofed it and took a morning shower instead of evening, and still managed to be early, although not 10 minutes early.

As much as being early has become important to me, I have to say that doing it in a relaxed, leisurely manner is just as important. We'd all rather be stress-free in the morning, take our time, move at our own pace, right?

So creating more time is going to be necessary. I'm moving back my wake-up time by 15 minutes.

Day after day there are small obstacles that always seem to change. But being the same as I go through them is the real challenge.


Total minutes early: 91

(I can do better than that.)