The Shrine of Four Mountains

Took a walk up to the shrine near my house this morning. I go up there 4 or 5 times a month these days but today, daffodils and other spring flowers at the base had burst into bloom.

I climbed the half-dozen staircases to the top and stopped to wash my hands and mouth in the basin like I always do. It's a physical and symbolic purification ritual. I felt clean and refreshed.

Then I went up the last set of stairs to the temple. It looks like most large Buddhist/Shinto temple buildings; the roofs are thick and almost black, and the corners turn up slightly.

I threw a 5-yen coin into the box, bowed, clapped twice, rang the bell overhead twice, and bowed again. To me, these are kind of the rules to be followed before praying. I don't care about the particular meaning, but I know the ringing is supposed to wake up the deity in the shrine. The bowing is probably to show respect, which I can respect. And the clapping... among the numerous explanations I've heard, the one I like the best is that the first clap spans the length of the universe and the second is the returning echo. Reminds me how vast space is, within and without.

When I pray, I don't think of it as praying to a deity or god, more like praying to my own self and also to the presence that always seems to be listening. The protector deity of Arao supposedly lives up there in that mountain. When I pray, I direct my thoughts to things in the nature of protecting this city.

My prayer often follows something of this sort: "For what you've been able to do so far, thank you so much. Thank you for looking after the kids who live here, making sure they are taken care of as well as possible. Thanks especially for taking care of the people I know." Then I tend to name off people I am thinking about or some kind of thing that happened that I appreciate.

I definitely try to keep the personal stuff to a minimum. If I'm going to pray for myself, I usually have this kind of prayer: "Give me strength to deal with my emotions maturely, especially in such and such situation" or "thank you for the energy to have accomplished such and such."

My prayer today took about one minute. I think that's average for me, but I think it's a little longer than most people I see praying.

After that, I went to take a look at the view of Mt. Unzen across the bay in Nagasaki. It was covered over with haze, but it was still visible. I took a seat on the bench and was listening to the birds when someone called over to me.

"Julie!" It was one of the priests I had met a few months ago.

"How are you, Julie?!"

"I'm enthusiastic, thanks to you!"

"Is that so?! Are you still living down near the doctor's office?"

"Yes, I am."

"They just opened up a new convenience store around there a couple days ago. You should try the bread. It's very tasty, you know."

"Thank you. I will!"

"You take care of yourself, Julie."

"I will."

He went back to his business filling plastic jugs with water near the stands where they keep all the religious paraphernalia, and I headed off down the steps.

On the way down, tears filled my eyes. Flowers, trees, birds. Simplicity, human connection. I had no other thoughts, really, just that it might be nice to write this down for you to read...

How to Come Home

Coming home. Jeez, how am I supposed to do that?!

I don't know what I'm connected to in the US, who I'm connected with. I don't have a sense of who I 'am' there. It's absolutely strange to me. Japan seems like my home. I can't imagine the food very well anymore, how people speak, what is important to people in the US. I forget what it's like eating Mexican food all the time or being able to understand my own mail. I've become so used to it here, the goods and the not-so-goods.

I rewatched the DVD of the violin concert Etsuko put on for me last June. Two things struck me while I was watching it: first, how much could change in half a year, and how much one could grow in such a short amount of time. That was only six months ago; how much have I changed since 2004; how much have you??

The nature of living in rural Japan as a foreign person is that the other foreign people around you tend to leave eventually. So in time, I slowly shifted from spending most of my time with other foreigners to sharing friendships with Japanese (first ones who could speak English, and then to ones who could or couldn't). My three best friends here in Japan now are Japanese. Of the group of assistant English teachers I came with 4 1/2 years ago, only two of us are still here (he's from South Africa!). Everyone else went back to their home.

Now, since it's my turn (I booked my ticket today), I would like your help.

Some time ago, a friend gave some great info and including some people to contact and a DVD called "Journeying Home," about how to return to your home country after a long time away. That information has been extremely useful and I am grateful for it, so...

In the same way, please send me your info, advice, thoughts on returning home, even if you've never been through it yourself.

-How to grow healthy new relationships and revive the old ones?

-What to do if I start feeling overwhelmed, underwhelmed, blue?

-What to do with all the friends, stories, (language) and memories which might be hard for people at home to relate to?

-Finally, what would you like your experience with me to be like when we meet again?

By the way, I'd like to give a special thank you for people who have kept up with my blog until now, and especially to Don who got me to start it and Dad, who showed me his most wonderful self in our conversations through it.

Gave my notice

As of today, it's official. I'm coming home. I will finish my contract at the end of this month, and after that, it's off to the good ol' USA.

In preparation, I've been packing up my things, and next week is a final farewell party from the English teachers. The next few weeks will probably go by really fast.

Feel nervous and excited depending the angle of the sun. The next few months are no doubt going to be challenging as I readjust to live in the West after 4 1/2 years away.

Welcome your thoughts and comments!