Time

I just returned home from the first Japanese tutoring session I've had since I arrived in July. I'd been waiting for this night for so long. I've mentioned my poor Japanese skills in passing, but now I will admit that this is not a passing concern for me. I want to learn Japanese, but I haven't been able to. I've been too busy living in Japan, working, training, practicing, etc.
When I can study, I memorize small phrases or words I hear frequently or have looked up. My godsends have been the three language tapes I brought with me and my Japanese-English dictionary. If only I could switch August and September around I would have known what to study way back when I arrived, rather than sitting at my desk at the Board of Education twitling my thumbs for a month. I don't blame myself for not learning the Japanese language during that time. I blame the JET program for not giving me reasonable options of where and how to learn Japanese. I will say that there were classes offered in Kumamoto once a week, but they were very pricey. I went to a sample class and frankly, I wasn't impressed with the Japanese teacher's grasp of the English language--the teacher didn't make sense to me. Which is related to my issue with non-Japanese speakers teaching English in Japan, but that's another blog, I think.
What it all comes down to is that I want JET and Japan to be what I want them to be, I mean I demand it, but I only end up with a bruised skull from banging my head on the wall. I will learn Japanese slowly, not thoroughly or systematically, but slowly, with much effort. I will never know the answers to many of my questions about the language or about Japanese culture. Those who live in the box cannot see outside the box. The box is Japanese(all that the word implies). I love the box. The wrapping paper is beautiful--on the outside. From the inside I might've found some of the contents ugly or distasteful, but I will never be inside to know. Of course, I live in my own box. I wonder what that looks like from the outside?
I know that other people have been through this sort of experience before. I'm not the first foreigner to set foot on the shores of Nippon. But who wrote the book on 'Transitions of the the First-time Foreigner Living in Japan'? Boulder Book Store, do you read me, are you out there? Does this exist?? I hope what comes next is: foreigner relaxes, basking in the knowledge of things that cannot be changed. I didn't even intend to change anything, except myself. So that's got to be the point; my reality cannot exist here as it is. I must allow the blossom to wilt and drop, so the shoot can form a new bud, a fresh bloom for a new season. I take it one day at a time, and I also rely on knowledge to guide me.
The tutoring session went well. The teacher had to cancel for next week--she'll be out of town--little does she know, I'll be basking in the sunlight of acceptance.
til next time