Six months in Japan today

How long is six months? It's long enough to have begun the journey.

My recontracting decision is due in less than two weeks. That means I have to decide whether or not I'm staying for another year. On the surface, it might've appeared that I've been ready to leave for a while. Yet, that's not the entire reality of it.
Since I came back from Philadelphia, something's happened to me. It makes me want to stay.
If I can blame this on someone, it was actually Honda Sensei who instigated my 'reconsideration'. I was training at the dojo in Kumamoto one night, about a month ago. We were doing some sort of kokyu-throw(movement/breath/timing-type throw). My partner was a woman who was very reserved in her style, and not so confident in her throws. Honda Sensei came around to see what we were up to, and he stopped us and turned to me. Honda Sensei has a quirky way about him sometimes, but when he wants to cut through the bullsh*t, he really becomes direct. I think he called someone over to translate, otherwise, I'm not sure how I knew exactly what he said. But this is what he said: "Why are you holding back? What is your purpose for holding back? There's no need. Train at your level."
I really didn't think too much about what he'd said just then. I just remembered his energy, and sort of accepting some energy from him; like he was giving me some energy.
After class, in fact, weeks after class, his words kept returning to me. Why are you holding back? What is your purpose for holding back? The words rang out in my head. And sure enough, I can see what his question was for. It's stupid, this game of being oneself. I give up trying to understand it. I completely give up hope.
Give me isolation; I accept it. I give up trying to deal with it all.
And so I celebrate six months in Japan today.

This being the case, my options are 1. Return home to Boulder in July, or 2. Stay in Japan for one more year.
Life choice #1: be surrounded by friends and family, rejoin the English-speaking world, play great works of music, rejoin the Aikido dojo; find a job.
Life choice #2: stay here, continue to embrace this life and be repulsed by it even more, explore and expand with Aikido opportunities, make money, and be prepared to come home to enter school in Boulder after next year.

Truth be known, I want to come home. Life is easier at home. Communication happens at home. There are many things that make life tediously difficult about living where I live. But I'm not convinced that's a good reason to leave.

Originally, I had wanted to stay here for two years. And so, I shall stay, I suppose. Even as I write it, my heart aches. But, I will survive.
(Cue disco music, while in the background, one small violin plays 'my heart bleeds for you'.)

P.S. If you are thinking to come and visit, I promise it's actually rather nice here. ; )